Is this alcoholism-(also posted on newcomers)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Louisville, KY
Posts: 2
Is this alcoholism-(also posted on newcomers)
Hi,
I'm glad I found this site. I'm not sure where to begin, but I'll warn you that this will be long. This is about my husband, from whom I am separated. We have a six-year old son.
My husband has always been a heavy drinker - but it hasn't been constant. Meaning he will drink moderately, but occasionally drink until he passes out. He has always felt most comfortable in bars. Generally can't/won't do anything social without a drink. I always thought it was more of a habit than an addiction. He began drinking at a very young age and was always something of a "partier". He has had a tremor in his hands as long as I have known him. I didn't realize until later in life that this might be alcohol related.
Anyway. He is not violent. He is successful in his career, or was. And, was always a good provider. Until this past year.
He had some stressful times in his job - lots of changes and some uncertainty and then a move. And, long story short, he began drinking heavily and going out to bars with employees that he supervised - which was poor judgment. He was living in a different city because we were in the process of moving for his job. He said he just couldn't stand hanging out in his temporary apartment alone. Eventually, he began going to strip clubs and bars every night (from what I can tell) and picking up women. Then he got a DUI. When I found out about his behavior, I left him.
He lost his license for two months, was fired from his six-figure executive position (because of image concerns), and went through the two-month court-ordered counseling program.
Shortly after having his license reinstated, he was going to bars again. Maybe not drinking heavily and driving. But, it's like he can't stay away. I don't think he is drinking to excess these days, but he still goes to bars (to watch sports) two to three times a week, I believe. (We are still separated).
Out of concern for my son, I am trying to identify if this is alcoholism. I would appreciate some opinions. Maybe I am just in denial. I don't know. The family environment I grew up in was very Baptist and I just don't know much about alcohol. I have been around it since college and drink ocassionally myself, but I'm not sure what I am dealing with here.
It seems to me that if you didn't have an alcohol problem, after receiving a DUI and losing your job, family, and professional status, you would stay out of bars. I would appreciate any opinions.
I'm glad I found this site. I'm not sure where to begin, but I'll warn you that this will be long. This is about my husband, from whom I am separated. We have a six-year old son.
My husband has always been a heavy drinker - but it hasn't been constant. Meaning he will drink moderately, but occasionally drink until he passes out. He has always felt most comfortable in bars. Generally can't/won't do anything social without a drink. I always thought it was more of a habit than an addiction. He began drinking at a very young age and was always something of a "partier". He has had a tremor in his hands as long as I have known him. I didn't realize until later in life that this might be alcohol related.
Anyway. He is not violent. He is successful in his career, or was. And, was always a good provider. Until this past year.
He had some stressful times in his job - lots of changes and some uncertainty and then a move. And, long story short, he began drinking heavily and going out to bars with employees that he supervised - which was poor judgment. He was living in a different city because we were in the process of moving for his job. He said he just couldn't stand hanging out in his temporary apartment alone. Eventually, he began going to strip clubs and bars every night (from what I can tell) and picking up women. Then he got a DUI. When I found out about his behavior, I left him.
He lost his license for two months, was fired from his six-figure executive position (because of image concerns), and went through the two-month court-ordered counseling program.
Shortly after having his license reinstated, he was going to bars again. Maybe not drinking heavily and driving. But, it's like he can't stay away. I don't think he is drinking to excess these days, but he still goes to bars (to watch sports) two to three times a week, I believe. (We are still separated).
Out of concern for my son, I am trying to identify if this is alcoholism. I would appreciate some opinions. Maybe I am just in denial. I don't know. The family environment I grew up in was very Baptist and I just don't know much about alcohol. I have been around it since college and drink ocassionally myself, but I'm not sure what I am dealing with here.
It seems to me that if you didn't have an alcohol problem, after receiving a DUI and losing your job, family, and professional status, you would stay out of bars. I would appreciate any opinions.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Yes, it IS alcoholism...
.... and you are witnessing the fact that it IS a progressive disease. Hand tremors are a sure sign you're dealing with an alkie. I've never known anyone who is an active alcoholic who doesn't have the tremors. My husband has them, and when he dried out for awhile they went away.
Alcoholics love to have "fun" but "hapiness" eludes them. They're in denial, they lie, they use people, and they have mood swings. Not a pretty picture, but it goes along with the disease. My AH has had a DUI, gone to jail, been in two in-patient detox programs, two out-patient detox programs, and AA and he's almost lost his job due to his drinking. None of that has stopped him from drinking, although he's very proud of the fact that he now drinks "less." He actually believes this! The only difference I see is that rather than having a HUGE bottle of Scotch under the kitchen sink, he now buys small bottles of Scotch and "hides" them in a pair of his socks in the bedroom closet. I found them without even looking for them and I laughed my head off when I discovered that this is how, in his sick mind, he justifies drinking "less." I've learned to have a sense of humor about some of this madness, even though I still get angry at times!
Keep this in mind: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You have to put your husband in God's hands and take care of yourself. That may sound selfish and cruel, but it's the only thing you can do. You may want to see if there are any Al-Anon meetings in your area. Even after an alcoholic leaves us, the damage they have done to our lives remains and we need to learn ways to heal and take care of ourselves.
Keep posting here ... you'll soon find there are others who are in a situation similar to your's.
Alcoholics love to have "fun" but "hapiness" eludes them. They're in denial, they lie, they use people, and they have mood swings. Not a pretty picture, but it goes along with the disease. My AH has had a DUI, gone to jail, been in two in-patient detox programs, two out-patient detox programs, and AA and he's almost lost his job due to his drinking. None of that has stopped him from drinking, although he's very proud of the fact that he now drinks "less." He actually believes this! The only difference I see is that rather than having a HUGE bottle of Scotch under the kitchen sink, he now buys small bottles of Scotch and "hides" them in a pair of his socks in the bedroom closet. I found them without even looking for them and I laughed my head off when I discovered that this is how, in his sick mind, he justifies drinking "less." I've learned to have a sense of humor about some of this madness, even though I still get angry at times!
Keep this in mind: you didn't cause it, you can't control it, and you can't cure it. You have to put your husband in God's hands and take care of yourself. That may sound selfish and cruel, but it's the only thing you can do. You may want to see if there are any Al-Anon meetings in your area. Even after an alcoholic leaves us, the damage they have done to our lives remains and we need to learn ways to heal and take care of ourselves.
Keep posting here ... you'll soon find there are others who are in a situation similar to your's.
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
If alcohol is causing a problem, then there is a problem with alcohol.
Try rereading your post as if someone else had written it and you may find the answer to your original question "is this alcoholism?"
Many of us are/were in the EXACT same boat. Our A's were functioning, good jobs, good providers, nice, kind, funny, etc etc etc... But, addiction is progressive if left untreated. It gets worse. Some get worse after 10 or 20 years, some are 30 or 40 years. Some get worse and stay worse until they die from this horrible lifestyle.
I think we all see the "functioning alcoholic" early on, so it is hard for us to realize they have a serious problem. I can tell you many many many stories of my own situation where I accepted the unacceptable because he would get better for weeks, months at a time.
Don't sell yourself short. It may be time to stop accepting the unacceptable!
(another poster said that was going to be her New Year's resolution, and I have adopted it too)
Look at each situation, REALISTICALLY, and maybe pretend as if it was happening to your best friend and what would you recommend she do? YOU DON't HAVE TO ACCEPT THE UNACCEPTABLE.
Peace to you!
Try rereading your post as if someone else had written it and you may find the answer to your original question "is this alcoholism?"
Many of us are/were in the EXACT same boat. Our A's were functioning, good jobs, good providers, nice, kind, funny, etc etc etc... But, addiction is progressive if left untreated. It gets worse. Some get worse after 10 or 20 years, some are 30 or 40 years. Some get worse and stay worse until they die from this horrible lifestyle.
I think we all see the "functioning alcoholic" early on, so it is hard for us to realize they have a serious problem. I can tell you many many many stories of my own situation where I accepted the unacceptable because he would get better for weeks, months at a time.
Don't sell yourself short. It may be time to stop accepting the unacceptable!
(another poster said that was going to be her New Year's resolution, and I have adopted it too)
Look at each situation, REALISTICALLY, and maybe pretend as if it was happening to your best friend and what would you recommend she do? YOU DON't HAVE TO ACCEPT THE UNACCEPTABLE.
Peace to you!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ma
Posts: 145
Bluewillow
Wraybear nailed it when she wrote
"If alcohol is causing a problem, then there is a problem with alcohol."
I would not go as far (myself) and say it is or isnt alcoholism but it is a problem if you think it is. My alcoholic told me that for the last 2-3 years she got no enjoyment out of drinking. Nada. She just had to drink. To me that is sad, for anyone to be growing through.
It sounds similar in an odd way to you husband or any other drinkers story here. They just cannot stop themselves. It becomes a driving force and everything is eventually timed to the next drink. Alcoholic? I dont know..Problem? looks like you know the answer already....Good Luck
Wraybear nailed it when she wrote
"If alcohol is causing a problem, then there is a problem with alcohol."
I would not go as far (myself) and say it is or isnt alcoholism but it is a problem if you think it is. My alcoholic told me that for the last 2-3 years she got no enjoyment out of drinking. Nada. She just had to drink. To me that is sad, for anyone to be growing through.
It sounds similar in an odd way to you husband or any other drinkers story here. They just cannot stop themselves. It becomes a driving force and everything is eventually timed to the next drink. Alcoholic? I dont know..Problem? looks like you know the answer already....Good Luck
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
I've always heard that the only one who can diagnose alcoholism is the person who's using the alcohol.
Al-Anon is a wonderful place to find a group of people who've struggled (and sometimes continue to struggle) with the same sort of confusion you might be experiencing now. Al-Anon provides a safe place for those affected by someone else's drinking to share their experience, strength and hope in order to find solutions to their common problem.
http://alanon.org/meetings/meeting.html
There should be a meeting near you. Why not go and sit and listen for an hour?
Peace...
Al-Anon is a wonderful place to find a group of people who've struggled (and sometimes continue to struggle) with the same sort of confusion you might be experiencing now. Al-Anon provides a safe place for those affected by someone else's drinking to share their experience, strength and hope in order to find solutions to their common problem.
http://alanon.org/meetings/meeting.html
There should be a meeting near you. Why not go and sit and listen for an hour?
Peace...
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