Today Started Out as a Regular Day
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Today Started Out as a Regular Day
Today started out as a regular day and when my workday came to an end, I did what I do every evening, I called my AB to let him know I'd be arriving at his office in 15 minutes to pick him up. It was 7:00 pm, 2 hours after all the other employees in his office had left, so he had time to kill. He decided to spend that time getting drunk.
When I rang his office, he didn't answer. That normally means he's either away from his desk or too drunk to answer the phone. He answers immediately when he's sober. He rarely answers when he's drunk. So I use these nightly phone calls to his office to prepare myself for what I might find when I arrive. An unanswered phone makes me uneasy, as well it should be, considering the countless times I've found him a mess at work.
So I pulled up to the back of the building where his office is located full of fear. I could see him through the big picture window. He was slumped in his chair. So I honked the horn. It took a few attempts to wake him, but eventually he looked up and struggled to get out of his chair. He was obviously drunk. I pulled up to the front of the building and waited for him to lock the building and set the alarm. I waited and I waited. After a time, he came out the front door and stumbled down the stairs. He struggled to open the car door. His eyes were glassy and his breath wreaked of alcohol. Yes, today was a regular day.
I told him I believed he had been drinking but I knew it was pointless for me to ask him if he had, because I was certain he'd just feed me another lie. He would neither confirm nor deny my suspicions. Yes, today was a regular day.
I told him that tonight I would be drafting a letter giving him 30 day's notice to move out and tomorrow I would be taking it to the post office to have it sent to his office via certified mail. I also told him that if he failed to leave my home within the 30-day timeframe that I would call the sheriff's office and have him escorted out. I told him I don't want it to come to that, as it would be hurtful and embarrrasing for him. I told him that I still love him, but I was prepared to do whatever it takes to have a life free from the effects of alcoholism.
He didn't say a word. During the ride home, he just closed his eyes and hung his head. I could see he was in immense pain. It hurt me to see him suffering so, but I've seen him suffer for years now and I realize there's nothing I can do to ease his pain. Yes, today was a regular day.
When we arrived home, he took the phone and went upstairs. He made a few phone calls, to whom I do not know, nor do I care. I hope he's already begun his search for a new home because 30 days comes around mighty fast.
When I sign off tonight, I will begin drafting a letter, one I'd hoped I'd never have to draft. But I've been fooling myself for too many years. The reality is he is unwilling to change. The reality is that I can't imagine living like this for one more day, let alone the rest of my life. Today I'm stepping off the roller coaster.
Today began as a regular day. Tomorrow will not be a regular day. Tomorrow is the start of my new life--a life free of the effects of alcoholism and full of peace.
Tomorrow morning I will send my AB of 23 years a letter. A letter that says alcoholism is your problem. You own it. And a happy life is my God-given right--a right that I will no longer ignore.
Tomorrow will not be a regular day--tomorrow I will have peace.
When I rang his office, he didn't answer. That normally means he's either away from his desk or too drunk to answer the phone. He answers immediately when he's sober. He rarely answers when he's drunk. So I use these nightly phone calls to his office to prepare myself for what I might find when I arrive. An unanswered phone makes me uneasy, as well it should be, considering the countless times I've found him a mess at work.
So I pulled up to the back of the building where his office is located full of fear. I could see him through the big picture window. He was slumped in his chair. So I honked the horn. It took a few attempts to wake him, but eventually he looked up and struggled to get out of his chair. He was obviously drunk. I pulled up to the front of the building and waited for him to lock the building and set the alarm. I waited and I waited. After a time, he came out the front door and stumbled down the stairs. He struggled to open the car door. His eyes were glassy and his breath wreaked of alcohol. Yes, today was a regular day.
I told him I believed he had been drinking but I knew it was pointless for me to ask him if he had, because I was certain he'd just feed me another lie. He would neither confirm nor deny my suspicions. Yes, today was a regular day.
I told him that tonight I would be drafting a letter giving him 30 day's notice to move out and tomorrow I would be taking it to the post office to have it sent to his office via certified mail. I also told him that if he failed to leave my home within the 30-day timeframe that I would call the sheriff's office and have him escorted out. I told him I don't want it to come to that, as it would be hurtful and embarrrasing for him. I told him that I still love him, but I was prepared to do whatever it takes to have a life free from the effects of alcoholism.
He didn't say a word. During the ride home, he just closed his eyes and hung his head. I could see he was in immense pain. It hurt me to see him suffering so, but I've seen him suffer for years now and I realize there's nothing I can do to ease his pain. Yes, today was a regular day.
When we arrived home, he took the phone and went upstairs. He made a few phone calls, to whom I do not know, nor do I care. I hope he's already begun his search for a new home because 30 days comes around mighty fast.
When I sign off tonight, I will begin drafting a letter, one I'd hoped I'd never have to draft. But I've been fooling myself for too many years. The reality is he is unwilling to change. The reality is that I can't imagine living like this for one more day, let alone the rest of my life. Today I'm stepping off the roller coaster.
Today began as a regular day. Tomorrow will not be a regular day. Tomorrow is the start of my new life--a life free of the effects of alcoholism and full of peace.
Tomorrow morning I will send my AB of 23 years a letter. A letter that says alcoholism is your problem. You own it. And a happy life is my God-given right--a right that I will no longer ignore.
Tomorrow will not be a regular day--tomorrow I will have peace.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
Wow.
That was so open and well written.
My heart is with you and I will pray you find the peace you have finally chosen to seek.
I am sorry you've had to go through this, as so many of us have.
We know the pain and can only tell you better things lie ahead for you now.
Go get 'em.
That was so open and well written.
My heart is with you and I will pray you find the peace you have finally chosen to seek.
I am sorry you've had to go through this, as so many of us have.
We know the pain and can only tell you better things lie ahead for you now.
Go get 'em.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
FormerDoormat,
Clear, concise and determined is how you sound. I have no doubt that you will take care of what needs taking care of. You sound like you are sitting right in the middle of a moment of clarity. I find it amazing when that happens. One moment we are caught up in all the crap and the next is so clear it's hard to believe you couldn't see it only a moment ago.
I wish you well. You are right...30 days will go by quickly and if you stay in the place you were when you posted you will be unstoppable!
((Hugs))
JT
Clear, concise and determined is how you sound. I have no doubt that you will take care of what needs taking care of. You sound like you are sitting right in the middle of a moment of clarity. I find it amazing when that happens. One moment we are caught up in all the crap and the next is so clear it's hard to believe you couldn't see it only a moment ago.
I wish you well. You are right...30 days will go by quickly and if you stay in the place you were when you posted you will be unstoppable!
((Hugs))
JT
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
FD, I know I should be sad, supportive, I really don't know how I should react. But I will just be totally honest.
I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! I am soooo relieved, happy. I'm ecstatic!! You have done the right thing. You are taking care of you. Please please please don't get off course during your 30 days. And if he doesn't move out on his own, yes have him removed. HE may plead, beg, threaten. I don't know. Mine did all of the above. He was very mean to me. He threatened all kinds of things to get me to change my mind and take him back (go figure how THAT strategy was supposed to work).
I will just tell you taht I was miserable in my first marriage for 17 years. I slowly but surely became so depressed I gained 80 pounds and became a couch potato. I developed health problems. So I left. My health began to improve. Then my ABF moved in. My health deteriorated fast again. I now am being tested for heart disease. I am 44 years old. Have two children still at home. And my life might be in danger. Yes I did it to myself. I didn't care for myself because I was too busy worrying about others. TAking care of first a cold-hearted husband and then a chaotic alcoholic. And now my life may be in danger. My kids may grow up without me. I'm scared. I'm sad.
And all because I didn't take care of myself. Don't make taht same mistake.
HUGS
I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! I am soooo relieved, happy. I'm ecstatic!! You have done the right thing. You are taking care of you. Please please please don't get off course during your 30 days. And if he doesn't move out on his own, yes have him removed. HE may plead, beg, threaten. I don't know. Mine did all of the above. He was very mean to me. He threatened all kinds of things to get me to change my mind and take him back (go figure how THAT strategy was supposed to work).
I will just tell you taht I was miserable in my first marriage for 17 years. I slowly but surely became so depressed I gained 80 pounds and became a couch potato. I developed health problems. So I left. My health began to improve. Then my ABF moved in. My health deteriorated fast again. I now am being tested for heart disease. I am 44 years old. Have two children still at home. And my life might be in danger. Yes I did it to myself. I didn't care for myself because I was too busy worrying about others. TAking care of first a cold-hearted husband and then a chaotic alcoholic. And now my life may be in danger. My kids may grow up without me. I'm scared. I'm sad.
And all because I didn't take care of myself. Don't make taht same mistake.
HUGS
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
I agree with Mich - the next 30 days will undoubtably be rough. Stay strong. And read this post again if you need to.
I have been where you are - the fear and uncertainty, that nervous feeling in your gut b/c you know what your going to have to face. But your right, alcoholism is his problem and it is his to own.
You do what is best for you. Know that we are here for you.
(((FormerDoormat)))
I have been where you are - the fear and uncertainty, that nervous feeling in your gut b/c you know what your going to have to face. But your right, alcoholism is his problem and it is his to own.
You do what is best for you. Know that we are here for you.
(((FormerDoormat)))
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