Peaches04

Hi again. As some of you know - I told my AH I want a divorce. I had a rough day yesterday, managed to pull myself together to go pick up the kids. They always cheer me up. Anyway - he didn't get home until about 7:00, drinking Gatorade... Pretty sneaky except for my gosh! You could have lit a match and his breath would have blown up the house! He must have been drinking for hours. Anyway, that just kind of confirmed that last little bit of doubt I had that I was making the wrong decision - I'm sure I am doing the right thing. I do want to thank everyone who responded to my post yesterday - again. It's so good to hear from people who have been through this and are so much happier now. My sister went through this (different circumstances) - but, she keeps telling me it will get worse, and then it will be soooo much better. She tells me to hold my head up high, do what I need to do for me and the kids. She said that with my children, it's all about "presentation". She said if I'm sad and depressed and angry, they will be too. But, if I keep it together, stay happy and calm and at peace, they will feel safe and know it is going to be okay. So, that is what I will do - and they will know it will be better than okay, because they will follow my lead. God grant me the strength to pull this off.

Gabe

(((Peaches)))
It's okay to let you kids know that you're sad sometimes too.
It's part of being human and it let's them know that it's okay for them to be sad too.
Then, when all of you are done being sad, go do something fun and have a laugh or two.
It is, as they say, the best medicine.
More hugs,
Gabe

minnie

Hi Hon. Glad you're sounding a bit better today.

I bet you didn't believe anyone when they said "you'll know when the time is right", did you? I know I didn't. But it's true.

I'm with you every step of the way.

Love

Minnie
xxx

Peaches04

Hi Gabe - You know, its funny you say that because one of my problems, is always painting on a happy face, even when I'm sad - That's how I coped growing up. I did cry last night for just a minute in front of them, and they immediately got concerned and asked what was wrong, and I just said "mommy's just get sad sometimes too, just like you do". But, gosh just the look on their little faces when they saw me, made me pull it together immediatly. Probably my codependency kicking in - but, I couldn't bare to see them that concerned about me.

jojo

Peaches -

Gabe is right. Your kids need to know that it is OK to be sad about what is happening. You don't want them feeling like they have to hide their feelings. You won't feel sad all the time and neither will they. They will take their cue from you. I know that you feel that your decision is the best one for everyone and they will pick up on that too. You will have ups and downs but as time goes on there will be alot more ups!!! I'm sending lots of positive thoughts your way.

Take care, Jo

TinyVoice

what your sister said is soo true. Nothing to be ashamed of. My split was hard on me. I had known I wanted to do it for so long. I had cried for months privately. So by the time we told the kids, I was cried out. I sat like a stone while my ex blubbered like a baby in front of the kids. I could have killed him. My youngest looked up at me and said Mom, why aren't you crying? I just told her that I had already cried my eyes out for weeks adn I couldn't cry any more.

That was the hardest day of my life. Just be prepared. My kids had WANTED us to get divorced and they still reacted badly that day. But then soon, they perked up and they knew in their hearts it was the right thing to do. My youngest again asked me one night while I was tucking her in. She was crying and I asked what was wrong. She said I just want to be "normal". She felt so abnormal. Like she now had a huge tumor sticking out the back of her head. LIke she was now recognizably different form the other kids at school. All I did was reassure her that 50% of al l marriages end in divorce. Divorce IS normal these days. We talked about everyone she already knew who's parents were divorced. I just treated it as truly.....YES you are still normal. That is all she wanted to hear really.

YES, if you act tragic, they will be devestated. IF you move forward, tehy will too!!!! My kids are great now after the divorce. Great!! IT can be done.

I'm very lonely I will admit. I cry a lot. I was married for 17 years. I am 44 years old. I'm cute but chubby. My prospects for re-marriage are looking pretty slim. Plus I have all my codie issues to deal with before I can have a healthy relationship. I get very depressed about it. BUT....I am not miserable in a very unhappy, unhealhty marriage. And I can parent my children MUCH better.

HUGS