hopealwayz

I can't make the crying stop but the worst part is I don't know what it is that is making me cry like this. I mean, this is deep hard soul shaking crying. It started right when I got out of class and here I am, just got home not too long ago and I can't pull it back together. I'm falling apart, life is ripping me up. I know I won't pick up, but the thought is on my mind that it would make things easier, BUT I know that is not true. I want to stop crying, I want this pain to end.

Hope

exlibris

(((Hope)))

I wish i could say something to help you feel better. I've been where you are and I know it's not easy. But like you said, just don't pick up.

Hang in there, we're here for you.

Richard

Roxann

Hope, I wish there was something to be said to help. I'm glad you won't pick up and you really KNOW that it won't make you feel better. Take some time to cry,maybe it's just what you need to do right now. Go sit in a bubble bath cry and then get out and go do something just for you.

I hope your mood lifts soon. Take care of you.

Andy F

Maybe you have a reason to cry.

Andy F

CAPTAINZING2000

Hope,

make a gratitude list. You can read, you got eyes, put on some smooth easy listening music. Got any where you can walk or jog. Got a girl friend you can call. How about your parents, brother, sister or grand parents. Good time to reach out and tell them you love them make you feel good and it's going to make them feel good. Little soul searching, time for a little meditation. You pray very often? I can have a bad day by not starting my day off in prayer. I'm a firm believer in this. If, you don't pray, now's a good time as any.
They got any blood drives where you are? Donate some blood. I've been doing that for over 20 years. Some one can always use your blood.

Just a few thought!! This feelings that you have will come to pass. i do believe, it takes all the bad days in my life to make me truely grateful to God for all the good days he gives me

Just remember, we do care about you


chris

In memory of miracle

I a sorry that you are feeling so blue.It's rough trying to learn to deal with our feeling's clean,sometime's we haveto get thru it a minute at a time and trust that " this too shall pass" Bless,Trish

chase

(((hope))))

nutz

there's deffernently a reason to cry.
For it is time

You are ready, becuase you want it so and asked for it.
take courage
Cry with all you might, let it all flow.
When a heart is broken , it is also open.

It is of letting go that it is so.
Surrender everything and accept it.

sherbear5104

(((Hope)))

Just know that you are a good person. Know that, like Trish said, this too shall pass. And know that we are here for you if you need to get something off your chest!!!!

na4today

Hi Hope.....I still have crying spells and I don't know why. I always thought that my lack of clean time was part of it, because I feel so overwhelmed with life on it's own terms. I write down my feelings and what I'm thinking when this happens and sometimes I learn the reason why I am crying and sometimes I don't.

hopealwayz

It was all I could do today to stay clean. I almost didn't make it but I made a very good decision and I am so happy with myself for the decision to stay clean. It was soooo hard and even that is an understatement. I don't know why it was so hard, but I do know that I am happy that I made it through alright.
phew, still feel like crying though. My tears are the story of my soul.

Hope

hopealwayz

I'm scared that I hurt my friend today with my anger. When I am hurting inside, I have a problem with getting angry at others. This is something that I have to work on because I don't it to be like this. I didn't really say too much but what I said may have made him feel bad and I didn't mean it! I love him and I don't want to hurt him. When I talk to him, if I get honest, maybe he will understand some things.

I'm scared though. I want so much to open up to him and tell him things about me but all my life I've been hiding within myself and now I don't really know how to let myself out. I think it is all because my self-worth and self-esteem are very low. I had a bad childhood and it reinforced negative images of myself in my head and now that I'm older, I have to escape from them. In order to feel better, I have to open up the wounds to hurt again and then from the hurt will come the healing.

nutz

you know what to do hopealwayz.
You asked for it the other day.lol
it's a paradox.
principle before personallities
first things first
you know...the steps they be going in order for a reason.

I do understand where you're are coming from. I've been there.
abandant by my mother, abused by my father the best of
both worlds for me.
I know how to numb myself out without drugs or alcohol
from very earily earily on. Fear of being accepted and a lot
of anger and resenments deep inside of me.
I figure I 'd out grow it someday.
But you know...it didn't happened like that.
Getting wack out of my mind help me numb it even more.
and on with consequence after consequences
Holy Scmoly... some of the crazy crap I did.

So that lesson got sent again, again in differnt forms. but it would
always come back to this very thing. All roads leads there
no matter what I do. But when I finally did it.
What a relief. I was healed, but I also had to give it up.

Open heart surgery that's what it was.

GG733

nutz, is your story in the "Your Recovery Story" forum??? I, and I'm sure many others, would love to read it!!!

susan_17

Tears heal. Hang in there Hope, this too shall pass! With Love, Susan

hopealwayz

Send inspiration today. I really need it.

Hope

OVERIT

Hope, I just saw your thread today and I am sorry that you are having a rough time. I hope you start feeling better soon.

Just know that we are all here for you.

(((((((((((((((((((Love))))))))))))))))))))))))))) ))))

Ang



:ilu :rose

bikewench

Hope...

I agree with Nutz.... Let the tears come.

Make it safe for yourself... treat yourself gently... and cry your heart out.


I've been crying for the last 3 years... ;o)
I thought it was over a man. And I kept looking for the solutions there. But I know now that the issue triggered my copdependancy... and kickstarted my grief that I had been "managing" since my childhood.

I cried. I kvetched... I railed.
I've made life hell for the people that love me.

But in the end... unless I want to spend the rest of my life in emotional hell... there is no escaping the reckoning.

The past had to become real.

I have to own what happened and what's happening in my life now.

And I have to stop looking for solutions outside myself.

We all have this driving need to be our authentic selves.
I think that what you've started on is major grief work... and the only way out is through.

Have courage Hope...

quercusalba

Hey, Hope. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, sweetie. I am SO MUCH in agreement with Bikewench - she's right. You have to seek the roots of what is causing your grief - and, very likely, these roots have been there for a very long time. I can certainly relate to what Bikewench said myself... and to you as well. I am newly in the midst of addressing my own grief, and it really isn't easy... but it has to be addressed. You have to find some way of identifying what has hurt you, scarred you so much... and work through that. It can't be buried because it will just keep resurrecting itself until you deal with it, go crazy, or start using again. I know this from personal experience. I have a lot of anger issues, too, along with the deep sadness. My answer is to use every resource available to me that makes sense to me to learn how to get through this - talking to friends and family, reading, meditating, exercising, going to meetings, coming here, trying to be aware of the moment and aware of destructive ways of thinking (and trying to make a habit of changing these midstream)... and I started therapy/counseling last week. I need some outside help with this - perhaps you do, too. Also - and I said this to you yesterday - take care of yourself. Get a physical. Get exercise. Eat right. Get enough sleep. Be gentle with yourself. All of this stuff is important.

You have been such a light around here - there is no doubt that you've touched many people. I wish the same light for you. The pain will have an end. Meanwhile, let the tears flow. Get it out. I wish you all the best.

--anne

hopealwayz

I kind of wish I could crawl up in blankets and stay in bed all day tomorrow. But life happens. Have to get up and go.