Time Will Tell?
OH SH!T
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: RICHMOND,VIRGINIA-
Posts: 1,655
Time Will Tell?
I HAVE BEEN ATTEMPTING TO GET RECOVERY FOR ABOUT A YEAR NOW.
AS YOU ALL SURELY KNOW AN ALCOHOLIC CAN DO DAMAGE TO THOSE THEY CARE THE MOST ABOUT.
THE REMORSE AND GUILT OF A SETBACK CAN BE VERY OVERWHELMING AT TIMES.
THE BROKEN PROMISES,THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT,LOSS OF TRUST.
I SEE THE HURT AND PAIN IN MY GIRLFRIEND AND HER SON,IT ALSO BURNS A HOLE IN ME KNOWING I CAUSED ALL THEIR PAIN.
I'M TOLD TALK IS CHEAP THAT ACTIONS SPEAK VOLUMES WHEN TRYING TO REPAIR WALLS THAT HAVE BEEN TORN DOWN FROM THIS DESEASE.
I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING TO HAVE THINGS "NORMAL" AGAIN.
I'VE SEEN BOTH SIDES OF THE STREET,I KNOW WHAT SIDE I NEED TO BE ON.
ANY IMPUT FROM YOU ALL THAT COULD HELP ME SEE WHAT I NEED TO START THE PROCESS OF GETTING ON THE RIGHT PATH IS APPRECIATED.
I KNOW I MUST MAKE MY RECOVERY FIRST IF I'M TO HAVE ANY SUCSESS.
JUST ASKING FOR HELP IS ALL...........ted
AS YOU ALL SURELY KNOW AN ALCOHOLIC CAN DO DAMAGE TO THOSE THEY CARE THE MOST ABOUT.
THE REMORSE AND GUILT OF A SETBACK CAN BE VERY OVERWHELMING AT TIMES.
THE BROKEN PROMISES,THIS TIME WILL BE DIFFERENT,LOSS OF TRUST.
I SEE THE HURT AND PAIN IN MY GIRLFRIEND AND HER SON,IT ALSO BURNS A HOLE IN ME KNOWING I CAUSED ALL THEIR PAIN.
I'M TOLD TALK IS CHEAP THAT ACTIONS SPEAK VOLUMES WHEN TRYING TO REPAIR WALLS THAT HAVE BEEN TORN DOWN FROM THIS DESEASE.
I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING TO HAVE THINGS "NORMAL" AGAIN.
I'VE SEEN BOTH SIDES OF THE STREET,I KNOW WHAT SIDE I NEED TO BE ON.
ANY IMPUT FROM YOU ALL THAT COULD HELP ME SEE WHAT I NEED TO START THE PROCESS OF GETTING ON THE RIGHT PATH IS APPRECIATED.
I KNOW I MUST MAKE MY RECOVERY FIRST IF I'M TO HAVE ANY SUCSESS.
JUST ASKING FOR HELP IS ALL...........ted
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hey Ted,
Your actions do speak louder than words.
Have you caused people you love pain?
Probably.
Is there something you can do about it?
Yep.
Amends take time and patience on both sides of the street.
I believe you will get where you want to go with this.
Keep the faith.
Hugs,
Gabe
Your actions do speak louder than words.
Have you caused people you love pain?
Probably.
Is there something you can do about it?
Yep.
Amends take time and patience on both sides of the street.
I believe you will get where you want to go with this.
Keep the faith.
Hugs,
Gabe
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Have you done your 5th step???? My second 5th step was so much better than first. Hope you get some good advise here,
Each relationship is different. Also do you have a good sponsor??
Can you and do you open up to your sponsor?? If not maybe get a new one, or use some others as temp sponsor. You have been around a while, did you do your 90 in 90 ?? I had a friend that finally made it after he did 90 in 90. Prob the time was right. You can repair your life with girlfriend if you have the right knowledge , unless she doesn't care???? Does she use SR?? Best for you both
Each relationship is different. Also do you have a good sponsor??
Can you and do you open up to your sponsor?? If not maybe get a new one, or use some others as temp sponsor. You have been around a while, did you do your 90 in 90 ?? I had a friend that finally made it after he did 90 in 90. Prob the time was right. You can repair your life with girlfriend if you have the right knowledge , unless she doesn't care???? Does she use SR?? Best for you both
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
You will get to where you want and need to be. You have the tools to fight the disease. Use them. Each time you get further and further Ted, don't forget that. Progress not perfection. Think back to your triggers and what you could have done differenty to prevent relapse. Never give up the fight. The program works so continue to work it. Jump back in and lead by example. Time heals all wounds and each new day is a new beginning. Take care Ted, it's good to have you here. 
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
I've never been on the A's side of the street but speaking from the other side I
can say that you will have to earn trust--only your actions will repair the damage that has been done--It takes time for you and your loved ones--don't push yourself to hard and to fast just keep plodding along one day at a time. It really is about one day at a time and as each day passes something new will come back to you and your
family. Recovery for all of us who are victoms of this desease is a slow process.
The good news is it works and it is very very rewarding. Prayers and smiles--Dee
can say that you will have to earn trust--only your actions will repair the damage that has been done--It takes time for you and your loved ones--don't push yourself to hard and to fast just keep plodding along one day at a time. It really is about one day at a time and as each day passes something new will come back to you and your
family. Recovery for all of us who are victoms of this desease is a slow process.
The good news is it works and it is very very rewarding. Prayers and smiles--Dee
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
((((((((Ted)))))))))
Mike spent a short time during our relationship in active addiction. In that short time, he created a lot of damage, and together we caused each other a lot of hurt. (Yes, I caused him hurt too, because of the way I handled the things that hurt me. I said some horrible things to him.) Now, in recovery, the things that have helped heal the wounds we created for each other have been honesty - regardless of whether the truth might hurt because it comes out anyway and usually from a third party; and compassion - just taking that extra minute to think about how the other one would feel about the choices we make.
There are no easy answers because although the past is done and gone, it lives in my memories. There was a time when I felt that there was no chance that I'd ever be able to trust him again, because the memories of the lies was always there. As time passed, I was able to regain my trust in him, but the memories I have of that time in our life still crush my heart when something brings them to mind.
The most important thing there was for me though, above honesty and compassion, was the simple fact that he IS trying to do things differently now. He goes to meetings, he calls his sponsor (not as often as I'd like, but it's his recovery - who am I to judge, anyway, I still haven't even found a sponsor!) The point is, him saying "I'm sorry" didn't do nearly half as much for me as seeing that he's seriously working his recovery to change the way he lives his life in the future.
By the way, how is Patty doing?
Mike spent a short time during our relationship in active addiction. In that short time, he created a lot of damage, and together we caused each other a lot of hurt. (Yes, I caused him hurt too, because of the way I handled the things that hurt me. I said some horrible things to him.) Now, in recovery, the things that have helped heal the wounds we created for each other have been honesty - regardless of whether the truth might hurt because it comes out anyway and usually from a third party; and compassion - just taking that extra minute to think about how the other one would feel about the choices we make.
There are no easy answers because although the past is done and gone, it lives in my memories. There was a time when I felt that there was no chance that I'd ever be able to trust him again, because the memories of the lies was always there. As time passed, I was able to regain my trust in him, but the memories I have of that time in our life still crush my heart when something brings them to mind.
The most important thing there was for me though, above honesty and compassion, was the simple fact that he IS trying to do things differently now. He goes to meetings, he calls his sponsor (not as often as I'd like, but it's his recovery - who am I to judge, anyway, I still haven't even found a sponsor!) The point is, him saying "I'm sorry" didn't do nearly half as much for me as seeing that he's seriously working his recovery to change the way he lives his life in the future.
By the way, how is Patty doing?
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I agree with what has already been said, Ted, that in time your actions will say it all. I have long since forgiven my son for anything he may have done. One day I hope he will forgive himself enough to find and hold on to recovery. Forgive yourself, Ted.
You cannot change your past or what has been done, time will take care of the bad memories. What you can change is today, and how you act and what you do for yourself and your recovery. Tomorrow will also take care of itself.
Live in today, Ted, and live each day like you mean it. Welcome home my friend.
Hugs
Ann
You cannot change your past or what has been done, time will take care of the bad memories. What you can change is today, and how you act and what you do for yourself and your recovery. Tomorrow will also take care of itself.
Live in today, Ted, and live each day like you mean it. Welcome home my friend.
Hugs
Ann
C2H6O != good
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: 17110-2903
Posts: 16
Hey Ted!
Don't let anything control you, especially something that's fixing to destroy you (alcohol, drugs.)
Keep your true will in mind with everything you do (and don't do) -- and I don't mean your feelings or impulse at any given moment, but your survival instincts.
This truly is a fight to survive!
I think if you focus on self-control, and maintain a tight grip over your behavior/actions, everything will be fine. Just focus on rebuilding things and put your energy to good use (for everyone you care about.)
Good luck!
Don't let anything control you, especially something that's fixing to destroy you (alcohol, drugs.)
Keep your true will in mind with everything you do (and don't do) -- and I don't mean your feelings or impulse at any given moment, but your survival instincts.
This truly is a fight to survive!
I think if you focus on self-control, and maintain a tight grip over your behavior/actions, everything will be fine. Just focus on rebuilding things and put your energy to good use (for everyone you care about.)
Good luck!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
ted - being an acoa and married to my ah for 14 years i can say that i am emotionally screwed up - to the point that i didn't even know anything was wrong with ME until my ah's drinking got me to the point of desperation. i am now attending al-anon & counseling in hopes that i can do something about the anger and resentment that living with this disease has filled me with.
i read your whole thread a short while back and must say you have really made some great attempts at sobriety and recovery. for that you should give yourself a big hug. if at first you don't succeed.....and that sure sounds lame, but actions do speak louder then words and in time, will heal the wounds of promises broken (at least they would in my house if my husband ever tried to find sobriety).
good luck to you and keep at it - it is SOOOOO worth it - not onnly for you, but also the ones you love.
hugs - cwohio
i read your whole thread a short while back and must say you have really made some great attempts at sobriety and recovery. for that you should give yourself a big hug. if at first you don't succeed.....and that sure sounds lame, but actions do speak louder then words and in time, will heal the wounds of promises broken (at least they would in my house if my husband ever tried to find sobriety).
good luck to you and keep at it - it is SOOOOO worth it - not onnly for you, but also the ones you love.
hugs - cwohio
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
