How too address a father that he has a drinking problem.
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Join Date: Jan 2005
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How too address a father that he has a drinking problem.
Hello all... amazing forums and success stories....
I’m a friend (24) of father (54) and daughter (22) relationship.... the daughter is disabled (wheel chair bound)... an 98% relies on her fathers help for most every day things we take for granted (toilet, cooking, ect)
Now the father drinks when ever hes not working an eventuallypicks little fights an starts arguing with his daughter... she handles it well but makes her pretty miserable in the process... An this leads too several things on the his shoulders, like missing appointments, house hold maintainence, and house tours... and sometimes even drink driving...
Now I like the father allot when he’s not drunk... Hes a great an admerable person buts it’s like a little devil comes out too play when he’s drinking and a 100% totally different person...
He admits without me addressing his alcoholic behavior or drinking behavior that he does it too much... an sometimes goes on drinking or gets a drink.
So too the meat of the story... I would like some advise on how both myself an her or maybe if its more delicate too just address it herself too address her father that he needs too stop drinking, an seek help of some sought... without being blunt or anything... The issue is big an important enough too be blunt but maybe it’s just myself thinking it might be a bad idea...
So if someone could give us some suggestions and maybe a word for word helping that would be awesome...
Thank you for your time...
jonathon
I’m a friend (24) of father (54) and daughter (22) relationship.... the daughter is disabled (wheel chair bound)... an 98% relies on her fathers help for most every day things we take for granted (toilet, cooking, ect)
Now the father drinks when ever hes not working an eventuallypicks little fights an starts arguing with his daughter... she handles it well but makes her pretty miserable in the process... An this leads too several things on the his shoulders, like missing appointments, house hold maintainence, and house tours... and sometimes even drink driving...
Now I like the father allot when he’s not drunk... Hes a great an admerable person buts it’s like a little devil comes out too play when he’s drinking and a 100% totally different person...
He admits without me addressing his alcoholic behavior or drinking behavior that he does it too much... an sometimes goes on drinking or gets a drink.
So too the meat of the story... I would like some advise on how both myself an her or maybe if its more delicate too just address it herself too address her father that he needs too stop drinking, an seek help of some sought... without being blunt or anything... The issue is big an important enough too be blunt but maybe it’s just myself thinking it might be a bad idea...
So if someone could give us some suggestions and maybe a word for word helping that would be awesome...
Thank you for your time...
jonathon
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Jonathon - her father already knows he drinks to much, he admitted it.
Unfortunately, the only way he is going to get help is when HE realizes his drinking as an illness and accepts that it is making his life unmanageable.
In my situation - I have spent many years trying to convince my AH that he has a problem it's like talking to a brick wall. I know that nothing I say or do will change him. It is something he has to decide for himself.
The best thing I've learned is to educate myself on what I need to do to make me happy, regardless of what he's doing, and to realize that I can't control it and I can't cure it.
There are some stickies at the top of this forum that may be helpful for you. Also, you may want to suggest to your friend (and possibly join her) to find some Al-Anon meetings in your area.
Best of luck to you and your friend.
Unfortunately, the only way he is going to get help is when HE realizes his drinking as an illness and accepts that it is making his life unmanageable.
In my situation - I have spent many years trying to convince my AH that he has a problem it's like talking to a brick wall. I know that nothing I say or do will change him. It is something he has to decide for himself.
The best thing I've learned is to educate myself on what I need to do to make me happy, regardless of what he's doing, and to realize that I can't control it and I can't cure it.
There are some stickies at the top of this forum that may be helpful for you. Also, you may want to suggest to your friend (and possibly join her) to find some Al-Anon meetings in your area.
Best of luck to you and your friend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Townsville
Posts: 3
[/QUOTE] In my situation - I have spent many years trying to convince my AH that he has a problem it's like talking to a brick wall. I know that nothing I say or do will change him. It is something he has to decide for himself. [QUOTE]
I have been reading about this in a sticky post.. I think its addressed at the wifes of how they act in 5 differant manners...
Ok so like... what can i do?... leave panflits in a noticable area an hope he reads them?. or say hey i know a website that might be in intrest for you... have a look at www.soberrecovery.com
Should we use subtle hints... for example when he misses/forgets appointments for his daughter ( hes usually pretty sorry because of his drinking an ya cant drive under the influence) should we say something like "its ok.... you stay home an drink.. maybe next time" or we just gonna walk down there you stay home an relax. Ya get the idea..
I relize what your saying in your post but thats a slow process an could take forever... there must be ways of addressing someone with out being pushy....
I have been reading about this in a sticky post.. I think its addressed at the wifes of how they act in 5 differant manners...
Ok so like... what can i do?... leave panflits in a noticable area an hope he reads them?. or say hey i know a website that might be in intrest for you... have a look at www.soberrecovery.com
Should we use subtle hints... for example when he misses/forgets appointments for his daughter ( hes usually pretty sorry because of his drinking an ya cant drive under the influence) should we say something like "its ok.... you stay home an drink.. maybe next time" or we just gonna walk down there you stay home an relax. Ya get the idea..
I relize what your saying in your post but thats a slow process an could take forever... there must be ways of addressing someone with out being pushy....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Townsville
Posts: 3
QUOTE "MAGIC HAPPENS"
"Watching someone struggle is painful. But struggle is the only way to growth. If I get in the way of that, I am denying someone the chance to get better. I can love them, but I can't fix them. It is hard to keep from getting in there and trying. But I have faith that it works better if I work on me and they tend to their stuff."
That pretty much says it all... im glad i come across that.. ill get my friend too attend meetings an educate our selfs...
thanx
"Watching someone struggle is painful. But struggle is the only way to growth. If I get in the way of that, I am denying someone the chance to get better. I can love them, but I can't fix them. It is hard to keep from getting in there and trying. But I have faith that it works better if I work on me and they tend to their stuff."
That pretty much says it all... im glad i come across that.. ill get my friend too attend meetings an educate our selfs...
thanx
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