Gracey

Be supportive of them...............stop enabling them, they may find someone else to enable them, but atleast it wont be you enabling anymore.........

He doesnt love himself, he is not capable of loving anyone else.......He cant love me.............he is selfish and self centered, he is mean

I am asking myself a question almost daily..............what do I want for the rest of my life..............my addict is not seeking recovery for himself, he is never going to love me...........he is always going to be selfish and self centered and mean....

I am in recovery, I have a long way to go, but I have come far...............I can see him resenting me because I am jumping out of the play, his famous words to me, you dont understand...........I understand now that I am sick too..........I didnt love myself, and two people came together who were unhealthy....

In the end..............he leaves me because I am to healthy for him and I dont understand.....I am not emotionally there for him..........or whatever he rationalizes to himself, to make himself feel better....

I leave him because I decide not to live like this anymore..........that I am more important and I need to start taking care of myself........I deserve to be respected and loved, I deserve a partnership in a marriage........not a caretaking role.........

Go back to the way things use to be and end up getting some venereal disease, or physical hurt, from one of our fights and in the end jail, police, or death.

cwohio

you've got it! easier said then done - i pray that you will know when you are ready to go to another level in your recovery - whatever that may be!

Gracey

Funny thing is, I am not sad when I write this.......................this is just my reality I can plunge forward knowing this, getting over this.................and start taking care of me, so I am prepared, and strong and healthy enough.............to handle whatever I am faced with in the future...........whether it be sad, happy..........no matter.........I have to start obsessing over my health and my desires and wants and needs..........I need to be a little selfish.......

cwohio

yes - me too. i don't think i am as far along as you. i still fight with that little voice in my head sometimes that there is still SOMETHING i can do to "fix" my ah. i need to surrender and let go COMPLETELY.

minnie

Gracey

You are doing so well!

You're right - the first thing we need to do is accept reality - in everything. That is the only way we can make the decisions we need to make. No "what if"s or regrets. Just what is real.

Cool thread.

Love

Minnie
xxx

Daffodil

Just thought I'd add my ESH.

Al-Anon's Three A's are what help me to grow.

Awareness
Acceptance
Action.

I always thought I had to do the action first. I had to learn to work on awareness of my reality, not someone else's. I gave my reality away so many times in my life, and so easily too because I didn't know how to stay in my own skin. Living with A's all of my life kept me in such "emotional drunkenness" that it was easier to give my reality away when confronted with someone else's. Today by working the Steps of Al-Anon with my sponsor and coming here to SR has given me a gift I never expected to achieve.
Serenity!
What a high price I put on it today. The gift to be me and not trying to be someone else is a lot of work but well worth the journey.

From your post I'd say you are into the awareness part of your journey. ( Hooray for you, some never get that far.) For me acceptance took a while longer. I had to learn to accept life on life's terms not what I wished them to be. I needed to accept life not only with my head but my heart.

I wish you a happy journey it's worth it because you're worth it.