Just when you think things are going well
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
Just when you think things are going well
Hi guys,
Well, I realized that I still do love my husband and thought that if we took things slow and he started his recovery again that we might have a chance of getting back together and making our marriage work. I know he really loves me and wants to get back together and he's been doing really well not drinking.
He's becoming really pushy as usual. The same old thing - He wants what he wants when he wants it. When I mention to slow down he says but I know what I want and that's our family back together. I know that is what he wants but it's not goingto happen over night.
He got a letter yesterday with my address on it from the IRS. He has not filed his taxes for 2000 and 2001 which means he will probably owe around $5000.00 or $6000.00. If we were to get back together I would be liable for his taxes and I'm not willing to put myself in that position. Is that wrong? Am I being petty? Love doesn't mean that you have to always compromise yourself does it?
He will probably be going to jail when he goes to court so they could seize my bank account for his back taxes since we are still legally married especially if we were to get back together. I'm so upset about this. Just when things are going well - wham something else happens. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to back off - that getting back together with him isn't in the plan for me.
Now - I feel guilty!! He called me this morning - drilling me on why I didn't call him last night and I told him about the letter. He said well it's kinda of your fault - YOU screwed me over when we split up because you filed head of household with all the dependants. It was sooooooooooo like him to put the blame on me. We also had plans to go to dinner tonight. He said well we'll just cancel plans for dinner - I said why is that you don't have any money. I only have $45.00. The whole time I guess he thought I was going to pay. NOT!!!!!!!!!
He said I would love to get back together with you but things won't work out. I don't want to drag you in all of my mess. He said I've dug myself in a hole and I don't want to drag you in it. Now - again I feel guilty!!!!!!!!! WHY???????????? I feel sorry for him. I thought we may have a chance but now I don't see any way unless I put myself in huge debt.
I told myself that I am tired of supporting and taking care of other people (the men in my life) that the next person I'm with will be there for me as well. They have to atleast have a car, a driver's license, and a home of their own whether it's an apartment or something that they're paying for. I'm tired of paying for other people to live. It's not my responsibility. But I feel so damn responsible for other people to where it makes me feel bad and guilty.
Thanks for listening!
Love you guys,
Galnva
Well, I realized that I still do love my husband and thought that if we took things slow and he started his recovery again that we might have a chance of getting back together and making our marriage work. I know he really loves me and wants to get back together and he's been doing really well not drinking.
He's becoming really pushy as usual. The same old thing - He wants what he wants when he wants it. When I mention to slow down he says but I know what I want and that's our family back together. I know that is what he wants but it's not goingto happen over night.
He got a letter yesterday with my address on it from the IRS. He has not filed his taxes for 2000 and 2001 which means he will probably owe around $5000.00 or $6000.00. If we were to get back together I would be liable for his taxes and I'm not willing to put myself in that position. Is that wrong? Am I being petty? Love doesn't mean that you have to always compromise yourself does it?
He will probably be going to jail when he goes to court so they could seize my bank account for his back taxes since we are still legally married especially if we were to get back together. I'm so upset about this. Just when things are going well - wham something else happens. Maybe this is God's way of telling me to back off - that getting back together with him isn't in the plan for me.
Now - I feel guilty!! He called me this morning - drilling me on why I didn't call him last night and I told him about the letter. He said well it's kinda of your fault - YOU screwed me over when we split up because you filed head of household with all the dependants. It was sooooooooooo like him to put the blame on me. We also had plans to go to dinner tonight. He said well we'll just cancel plans for dinner - I said why is that you don't have any money. I only have $45.00. The whole time I guess he thought I was going to pay. NOT!!!!!!!!!
He said I would love to get back together with you but things won't work out. I don't want to drag you in all of my mess. He said I've dug myself in a hole and I don't want to drag you in it. Now - again I feel guilty!!!!!!!!! WHY???????????? I feel sorry for him. I thought we may have a chance but now I don't see any way unless I put myself in huge debt.
I told myself that I am tired of supporting and taking care of other people (the men in my life) that the next person I'm with will be there for me as well. They have to atleast have a car, a driver's license, and a home of their own whether it's an apartment or something that they're paying for. I'm tired of paying for other people to live. It's not my responsibility. But I feel so damn responsible for other people to where it makes me feel bad and guilty.
Thanks for listening!
Love you guys,
Galnva
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Galnva
Have you seen a lawyer yet. I think you should to protect yourself from responsibility for his debt.
Once you have done that, sit back and give it time. It doesn't sound to healthy right now.
Sorry you are having such a tough time with this, My prayers are with you.
Have you seen a lawyer yet. I think you should to protect yourself from responsibility for his debt.
Once you have done that, sit back and give it time. It doesn't sound to healthy right now.
Sorry you are having such a tough time with this, My prayers are with you.
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Raleigh-Cary-Garner, NC
Posts: 26
Sounds like to me your struggling and making some very difficult choices for yourself. And they sound like the kind of choices that are going to result in a positive change in your life. You keep up the good work of taking care of you.
Hugs.
Jon
Hugs.
Jon
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Cindy,
If my A would treat me better and stop using, I would be back with him in a heartbeat! I love him and always will love him and wish we could be a family. I think what you are struggling with is the point of letting go. I know I am hard headed and stubborn, I did not want to let go at all. I wanted to hang on to the hope that he would be back home and everything would be ok. It got to the point that when he would come home I could see myself not feeling the same way about him as I used too, he damaged so much with me.
I have also found distancing myself from his family has helped too.
The debt and stuff are things that will come along with him, you have no REASON to feel guilty about not wanting to involve yourself with all of that. I agree with Anns, talk to an attorney if you can.
Hang in there! I will email you....you deserve the best and so do your beautiful children.
Love ya!
If my A would treat me better and stop using, I would be back with him in a heartbeat! I love him and always will love him and wish we could be a family. I think what you are struggling with is the point of letting go. I know I am hard headed and stubborn, I did not want to let go at all. I wanted to hang on to the hope that he would be back home and everything would be ok. It got to the point that when he would come home I could see myself not feeling the same way about him as I used too, he damaged so much with me.
I have also found distancing myself from his family has helped too.
The debt and stuff are things that will come along with him, you have no REASON to feel guilty about not wanting to involve yourself with all of that. I agree with Anns, talk to an attorney if you can.
Hang in there! I will email you....you deserve the best and so do your beautiful children.
Love ya!
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Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Peoria, IL USA
Posts: 105
Galnva-
God you are so in my boat. Been divorced since September of 01 and just got taken to court July 2nd for a debt of his. They do not care who the money comes from. He said he could pay them $10 a month. It will be 49 years to pay it off at that rate so they are coming after me. I am going to have to refinance my house to come up with it. All this after I was so careful to keep his credit in good standing. Also, have not seen him since the court date. He doesn't even stop by anymore while I'm at work to check on the kids. And stupid me still hopes he will clean himself up and come back. The few times he did clean up he thought things would change overnight and when they didn't he went right back to the life. Know what you mean about the NEXT man and how they will treat you. I found a couple like that and then saw their real side. Living with this for soo long has made me real damn picky. It would be nice to have someone to share life with but for now the kids and dog are enough. That and sharing with you! Know you are in my thoughts today.
P.S. double check with your family lawyer and also with one who specializes in taxes as well.
God you are so in my boat. Been divorced since September of 01 and just got taken to court July 2nd for a debt of his. They do not care who the money comes from. He said he could pay them $10 a month. It will be 49 years to pay it off at that rate so they are coming after me. I am going to have to refinance my house to come up with it. All this after I was so careful to keep his credit in good standing. Also, have not seen him since the court date. He doesn't even stop by anymore while I'm at work to check on the kids. And stupid me still hopes he will clean himself up and come back. The few times he did clean up he thought things would change overnight and when they didn't he went right back to the life. Know what you mean about the NEXT man and how they will treat you. I found a couple like that and then saw their real side. Living with this for soo long has made me real damn picky. It would be nice to have someone to share life with but for now the kids and dog are enough. That and sharing with you! Know you are in my thoughts today.
P.S. double check with your family lawyer and also with one who specializes in taxes as well.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
Thanks for all the replies! I took yall's advise and made an appointment with my attorney. I'm going to start divorce proceedings asap. I would like so much for him and I to be able to work things out but i just don't see any way possible without dragging myself in debt.
He has no money - owes me already $1500.00, owes his Mom around $8000.00 and has to get a lawyer for this last criminal crap he did and now this. I don't want to be responsible for all of that. Besides all of that he may be BSing me just so I will take care of all of that for him. QUACK-QUACK-QUACK.
So for now - I'm taking one day at a time!!! Isn't it funny how our addicts think things are supposed to be normal over night and if it isn't back to the old habits?
Thanks for being here and listening!
Love,
Galnva
He has no money - owes me already $1500.00, owes his Mom around $8000.00 and has to get a lawyer for this last criminal crap he did and now this. I don't want to be responsible for all of that. Besides all of that he may be BSing me just so I will take care of all of that for him. QUACK-QUACK-QUACK.
So for now - I'm taking one day at a time!!! Isn't it funny how our addicts think things are supposed to be normal over night and if it isn't back to the old habits?
Thanks for being here and listening!
Love,
Galnva
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 175
G...............
Do go to an atty...this man sound "smart" he knows how to push your buttons. I know I am married to a smart one but this "A" (and this is # 2 A ) has money which is almost as big a problem. I know that sounds unreal but it is. GET a lawyer and do it fast! Like all of the A's they have an agenda......mine does not want to loose his crutch nor does he want to see his $$$$$$$$$ go bye bye! The first one needed"mama" too I did everything for him, and when I left he lost his job and got four Dui's! It is a vicious circle...I feel for you and I feel for all of us who get caught up in this mess. Take care of those kids....they are your true loves.
Love Kitty
Do go to an atty...this man sound "smart" he knows how to push your buttons. I know I am married to a smart one but this "A" (and this is # 2 A ) has money which is almost as big a problem. I know that sounds unreal but it is. GET a lawyer and do it fast! Like all of the A's they have an agenda......mine does not want to loose his crutch nor does he want to see his $$$$$$$$$ go bye bye! The first one needed"mama" too I did everything for him, and when I left he lost his job and got four Dui's! It is a vicious circle...I feel for you and I feel for all of us who get caught up in this mess. Take care of those kids....they are your true loves.
Love Kitty
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