first time
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: the verge
Posts: 20
first time
I've been with my alcoholic for four years. We recently had a baby. She is the best thing that has ever happened to me! For four years I have begged, pleaded, threatened, followed, screamed, poured out, cried,left and returned. He has not quit. Now we have a beautiful baby girl and my heart is breaking when I think of what she has to deal with in her father. What do I do? Do I stay and hope that one day he will finally see that he is hurting not only himself and me, but now also his daughter. Or do I leave him so she never has to see him stagger home and look at her bleary eyed every night of the week?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Astral Plane
Posts: 64
Canada ~ Welcome to S/R. You will find very helpful information here as well as alot of members dealing with the same issues. Only thing is, no one can tell you to leave or stay. That has to be your decision. Only you know how much you can deal with, how much you will take and what your boundries are (or should be). I have been with my A for 5 years, he has not quit. We have 2 young children together, so I know what you are dealing with and saying here. The best advice I can give you is to READ, READ, READ and find a meeting! The support you will get from members here and face to face meetings will benefit YOU! Nothing you can do or say will change your A. If YOU get better, you will look at things in a whole new perspective. Hugs to you!
Blessings,
MysticCat
Blessings,
MysticCat
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: CA
Posts: 109
Four years is an awful long time to have been unhappy. I am not in a position to advise you but I do think a baby should have the best start in life.
I am actually a teacher and I can tell you there are many children in my class who have problems at home including an alcholic parent/s. They need continued and ongoing support. It does clearly affect them. Many children display learned behaviours (from which they see at home) which they then sadly display at school.
I think you need to begin to put yourself and your beautiful baby first. You have been given an amazing gift. You should cherish her and focus upon being the best mother you can be. Your baby needs positive energy around her and he dosent seem to be contributing to this. Please read some of the posts on this site. Many people have older children and are experiencing the same nightmares from their partners as when the child was born! You have been given the chance (and he has too) for a fresh start. You are in my thoughts. ((HUGS))
I am actually a teacher and I can tell you there are many children in my class who have problems at home including an alcholic parent/s. They need continued and ongoing support. It does clearly affect them. Many children display learned behaviours (from which they see at home) which they then sadly display at school.
I think you need to begin to put yourself and your beautiful baby first. You have been given an amazing gift. You should cherish her and focus upon being the best mother you can be. Your baby needs positive energy around her and he dosent seem to be contributing to this. Please read some of the posts on this site. Many people have older children and are experiencing the same nightmares from their partners as when the child was born! You have been given the chance (and he has too) for a fresh start. You are in my thoughts. ((HUGS))
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
canada1
Welcome to SR! You've found a great place here to share and read about how other people deal with alcoholics in their lives.
First off - you don't need to make a decision before you are ready. You'll know when that time comes. So, take the pressure off and settle in and do some reading here.
As you have already discovered, there is nothing you can do to stop your husband drinking. You didn't CAUSE it, you can't CURE it and you certainly can't CONTROL it. So no need to beat yourself up. If your husband wants to get recovery, then he will.
So what can you do? Well, I'll tell you what has helped me.
First of all, I read a lot on here. I read the sticky posts on the top of this board, and those of the nar-anon board. I read a lot about alcoholism, both in books and on these boards - information is power.
I also got a copy of "Co-dependent no more" by Melodie Beattie. Wonderful book - I though she'd written about my life.
I also started going to al-anon meetings. I would advise you to try 6 before you work out whether they are right for you. Having that face to face contact was fantastic. I don't feel so alone now.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Welcome to SR! You've found a great place here to share and read about how other people deal with alcoholics in their lives.
First off - you don't need to make a decision before you are ready. You'll know when that time comes. So, take the pressure off and settle in and do some reading here.
As you have already discovered, there is nothing you can do to stop your husband drinking. You didn't CAUSE it, you can't CURE it and you certainly can't CONTROL it. So no need to beat yourself up. If your husband wants to get recovery, then he will.
So what can you do? Well, I'll tell you what has helped me.
First of all, I read a lot on here. I read the sticky posts on the top of this board, and those of the nar-anon board. I read a lot about alcoholism, both in books and on these boards - information is power.
I also got a copy of "Co-dependent no more" by Melodie Beattie. Wonderful book - I though she'd written about my life.
I also started going to al-anon meetings. I would advise you to try 6 before you work out whether they are right for you. Having that face to face contact was fantastic. I don't feel so alone now.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Love
Minnie
xxx
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