Gracey

I am trying to figure out..........why I get so angry with my MIL....why I let her actions affect me in such a negative way, that I want to call her up and tell her off.........

This is a tough one........

I specifically told the school that Bree is to ride the bus home unless I send a note specifying otherwise........I found out yesterday that my MIL (who knows) is picking her up from school.........

I drop Bree off there every morning and my MIL brings her to school, because of my work schedule..........I will send Bree in one outfit...........and my MIL has a stack of brand new clothes over her house that she bought Bree for Christmas and changes her clothes..........I have told Bree that she is not allowed to change when she goes over there.........she is to keep on what I put on her in the morning.......she came home yesterday with her clothes changed again........and also Bree tells me not to wash her sweater, because it is special and that granny has to wash it...........

I left Friday nite to go to my Alanon meeting, and when I came home Bree was gone.........her dad let her stay the night at her granny's.........I was very angry with that........I came home looked for Bree and she was gone.......I hadnt seen her all day and I would like to see her when I get home, I told my H I would appreciate it if you would consult me, before you send my daughter to spend the night somewhere......

Truth is I cant stand the women and I dont like Bree over there.............but Bree loves her and wants to be there.........and I know that my MIL would never do anything to hurt her.........

My MIL picking Bree up from school is not that horrible of a thing..............her buying her new clothes is not a big thing..........why do I feel so threatened by this person?? Is this a control issue that I have?? Things are not going the way that I want them to go and so I get so angry.............

she tells Bree to hide food in her room, from my other kids..........she picks her up when I say no..........she changes her clothes when I say no..........she tells bree to save her new dirty clothes so whe can wash them.........If I tell Bree no on buying her something, she will buy it.....this women has two rooms over her house full of toys for Bree and a wardrobe that is not allowed at my house.........if she wears one of the outfits, my MIL will go in my house and in Bree's room and fish them out and take them home to wash.........

What do I own here? It does no good at all talking to my H...........it does no good at all talking to my MIL, they do what they want anyway...........

I am seriously thinking about changing my schedule at work, so I dont bring Bree over there in the morning anymore......that will make me get off work later, so is that worth it.........would it change anything..........I would be doing it to be mean..........so that is just less time whe has with her..........

I need a psychiatrist (SP)

rivercitybelle

It sounds like you have two problems...
1) a manipulative MIL - maybe you could try asking her WHY she is so disrespectfull of you... but I'm sure the answer would either be sweet as honey or like acid... hmm...
2) a school that is NOT doing it's job to safe guard your daughter. If they have been told to have her ride the bus and to NOT allow your MIL or any person other than your husband or yourself pick her up... this is a problem you need to address with them. In this day and age, schools should NOT be releasing children to just anyone even if they are a family member without parental permission.

bikewench

I know all about the control/anger thing.


Gracey... I have a pretty good idea of how you must be feeling... and I can understand why... but... a lot of needless negative crap is being generated around your daughter and that is what would worry me.

For one thing... she is smack dab in the middle. This is going to make her feel torn. I would not want my daughter to have to choose....

If your not worried about her safety... and "Gramma" is not doing anything worse than "spoiling" her... I'd try to let go.

Healthy love is about choices and freedom. That is a gift you can give your daughter that can't be bought or taken away.

bluester

Gracey,that MIL of yours is a royal pain in the bum! I would get angry to.
"she tells Bree to hide food in her room, from my other kids..........she picks her up when I say no..........she changes her clothes when I say no..........she tells bree to save her new dirty clothes so whe can wash them.........If I tell Bree no on buying her something, she will buy it.....this women has two rooms over her house full of toys for Bree and a wardrobe that is not allowed at my house.........if she wears one of the outfits, my MIL will go in my house and in Bree's room and fish them out and take them home to wash........."
Your MIL is going against your rules and going behind your back. What kind of morals and valves is she teaching...Bree? Your MIL is very disrepectful,manipulative and apparently doesn't care what you do or think!
If you never need to chat...email me. I can listen.
Your MIL needs an attitude adjustment. She is not Brees...Mother...she is the Grannie!!!

Gracey

I thought about e-mailing the school.........but what am I going to say.............the person that brings her to school everyday, is not allowed to pick her up? I am stopping myself from doing that.

I dont understand why she has to come over to my house five days a week, to pick Bree up anyway, my H is home. I cant control the situation.............do I own this?? and how much do I own...........

minnie

Gracey

I'm sorry to hear she is still being a pain. Sounds like she hasn't got any boundaries at all. So, I'm afraid you're the one who will have to get some put in.

Changing your work patterns may help. That way you don't have to have an all out confrontation with her, becuase we know how that will end.

Chin up, hon.

Love

Minnie
xxx

Gracey

This is what I just e-mailed her teacher.

Mrs. Stone:

Breanne mentioned to me yesterday that she needed a note from her parents, if someone was going to pick her up.

Breanne was getting confused on how she was getting home at the beginning of the year, One time she missed the bus, because she thought someone was going to pick her up and did not. I had to leave work early to go get her, because her dad happened to have been working OT and couldn't pick her up.

So there is absolutely no confusion to Breanne, and so you are not guessing what Breanne should be doing, Breanne is to take the bus home everyday. I think working together, and Breanne having consistency is better for everyone. My husband and I talked to Breanne's granny, so there should be no confusion.

I will make sure I send in a note, or I will call the school personally if there are any schedule changes.

Thank You,

Gracey

As you can see, I couldnt stop myself

cwohio

i think the consistency part is good for bree, the school and you. i agree with rivercitybelle, the school should be following your rules to the letter especially with everything that happens in today's world. i think you did the right thing. you may not be able to do anything about the other situations, but this is one you can.

bikewench is right - let the spoiling part go!

sorry but i have to say this - you MIL needs the following:

Gracey

I can let go of the spoiling, spoil her at her house as much as she wants to........I do think that Breanne needs to learn, that when mom says no, she cant go and ask granny. Bree is learning if mom says no, that granny will do it.........

buy her anything she wants to buy her..........just leave it at her house......I do not want it to be brought to my house to be told I dont know how to wash it properly and only granny can wash it for her.............

JessicaNAJ

I think your e-mail to the school was great. Way to put your foot down and take control, for you!! Children need consistency, your MIL needs to respect that.

Lorelai

I think the note to the school was great. It sounds like you know that trying to control another person's behavior is a losing battle. Spending time concentrating on how to convince, trick or beat somebody into changing is time wasted.

Once we get that out of our heads, it's much easier to see what we can do to make life better for US.
Hugs - L

JT

It seems to me that this is your husband's battle. I mean really..think about it. She is his mother but you are his wife. His 1st loyalty needs to be with you. You are his family now...not mommy. She has probably been this way his whole life....but hanging you out there to deal with this doesn't seem right to me.

LOL! Now you have TWO people to change!!

If he is not willing to stand beside you on this then that is something within your marriage that needs to be addressed. He is allowing his mother to mistreat you.

Hugs,
JT