XpartyGirl

Well...I quit on Dec 20 and was sober for 3 weeks. After the third week I decided that I could possibly have a drink or two when I went out to eat. I did it and I was fine. I was so proud of myself for keeping myself in check. I started to think that maybe i had things under control....WRONG. I went out last thursday and drank until I had no clue. Puked and never made it home. Woke up with my friend in a hotel room, minus $100 bucks with no clue why we even bothered getting the room because we were so close to home. I went to work on Friday and cried. Exactly one month later I am trying it again. I havent drank since last Thursday which was Jan 20. I am desperate to stay sober because of how completely wasted I get when i drink now.
Blackouts for hours.....very VERY scary.
I will be going back to meetings and I hope that I have learned that I cannot drink.....even one. I am deserate to live a normal sober healthy life.

mikee

Xpartygirl every time I relapsed the fall off got harder and harder, hangin and try again.

3legacy

((((((((XPartyGirl)))))))))
Glad you made it back! I hope you tap in solidly and find the happiness you deserve.
3 Legacy

chase

xgirl,

Day 5 of sobriety for me........ Dont know if I can even last 30 days like you.

u can do it !

god speed

chase

XpartyGirl

well ....I didnt actually make it a full 30 but I know that I felt a hell of a lot better after I got past the first week. I am not sure what possesed me to think that I could go back and try drinking in "moderation" since my brain will not do things like drink...in moderation.
I am really trying to make sense of why my drinking has become the way it has. I have been a HUGE partyier since I was like 15 with some periods of sobriety here and there. I have always known that my drinking patterns are that of a binger. I could put large amounts of alcohol away usually shocking people in my path. But over the last 6 months or so I have basically blacked out everytime I drink and I have woken up to a night that I barely remember. I can remember bits and pieces up until a point and then I have NO recollection of what I do or why. Usually I make calls...stay out..p*ss people off or become way to overly affectionate towards people that I would NEVER do that with. I truly dont trust myself anymore because I become i completely different person in the midst of one of these binges. I am scared of what I could do or what could happen to me and I know that I really dont have any other option except to quit.

So I am on day 4...you are a day ahead of me...If you need someone to talk to I will be here a lot. Maybe we can help eachother out. !!!


by the way.... BNL ....YEAH...seen em like 20 times back in the day!!!

Time2Surrender

((((XPartygirl)))),Im glad to see you back.Congrats on 4 days.((((Chase)))) Congrats on your 5 days buddy,keep it up.You can do it.

Heather1222

My friends in the program tell me someone with 10 years is just as likely to fall off as someone with 10 days. So make sure u get down on your knees and pray to your higher power. I know it sounds a bit cheesy but it really works! Good luck!

BubbaBob

It doesn't matter WHY we drink the way we do...it just matters that we do and that we know that we do.

Knowing that I get drunk when I am sad or when I want to celebrate or just because I am awake does not change the fact that when I drink I don't quit till it's all gone. So I can't drink...period.

I always have to remember that...I CAN NOT DRINK. ANY. EVER.

BubbaBob

KelKel

Welcome Back..

Grimnar

XPG, I am pulling for you!!

JaySee

Hi XPG

So glad you're back so soon. Great news that you are going back to meetings, I found the support and the program I so desperately needed there.

I was a binge drinker (would be again today if I picked it up) and those moments of control that you talk about kept me drinking for years. I would come of a binge, pick up the pieces, if I could, dry out for a few days and that would be enough to convince myself that I didn't have a problem as I could stop for a while. My alcoholic mind would convince me that I could once drink again. I would take a drink and bam!! same totally unpredictable chaos.

Acceptance was the key for me - once I realised that I did have a problem that I couldn't fix by control, I lowered my defences, and started to work the AA program, which I saw working in others. It didn't all click into place straight away for me, but I kept going back and listening, now it is working and life is getting better. I never thought it could when I was stuck in that cycle, but now I see that it does, because it is happening for me.

much love
JC

paul wales

i fell off after three and a half years.
i herd of smoeone who fell off after 20.
so im starting again .3 days sober today for me.
thought i was cured and could drink properly.
found out you dont get cured.
keep working at it,good luck and best wishes
.

XpartyGirl

I really do love and appreciate this site. It seems to ground me and remind me of how easy it is to relapse and also how great it is to overcome. It also lets me feel like I am not alone and that many people feel the things that I feel.

Everyone here has and is helping me in some way or another....from personal messages to just reading through old posts...It helps me A LOT...it really does.

Thank you

CAPTAINZING2000

Party Girl Is That X Party Girl Or, Is It Party Girl? You Might Have To Change Your Play Mates There. I Am Assuming That Your Friend Was Drunk As Well.

You Know What, I Don't Get Drunk When, I Go To Meetings.

The Line I Decided Think About That!!!! Your Thinking Puts You In The Sorry State . Are You Trying This By Your Self. You Willing To Listen To Some Suggestions? Somethimes, People Have To Really Have A Lot Of Pain Before They Get This. How Much You Willing To Give Up Before You Really Want To Stop??


Keep Coming Back, Go To A Meeting Instead Of Going To A Bar With Your Drinking Friends

Roxann

I wish you well X. You can do this. ((HUGS)) and Prayers.

XpartyGirl

I dont ever want to blame others for my drinking but yes my friend was very drunk and she is a hard core drinker. I am in a battle with that at this moment since...

1) She has been my best friend since I was 15.

2) She is also my sister in law.

3) I got her a JOB where I work.


I am not willing to give up anymore of my good life to drinking. I am at a point where I am about to start losing things that mean everything to me. I know that deep inside. I am always open to suggestions from anyone who has made it even a minute further than I have.
My life has always been surrounded by people who are lost, disfunctional...etc.
I am in the process of building a relationship back with god which I havent had in years. At 34 i am trying to start over and learn who I am. I never knew who I was...and still dont.

Mandybabes

XPG
congrats on your 5 days. I fell off after 7 days. Found a bottle and thought I could handle 1 drink. Wrong. I wonder if I will ever learn. Everyone says go to meetings, but I am hesitant. I know my husband is disgusted. He took off 2 Days of work to help me detox and only one week later I fell, and he knows it. Heck, I am disgusted with me, and not looking forward to day 1, which i think is the worst. Good luck to you, I understand, I would sure like to have the old me back.

CAPTAINZING2000

Sorry to say, some people never get this. they go thru life miserable. I read these posts and think, there but for the Grace of God go I. I feel for you people. I hate to see someone PI$$ away their lives. Nothing changes unless something changes.

Don't be a quitter be a winner. There's not a one of us in here that can't stay sober if we want it bad enough. Sobriety has to be the number 1 priority after a belief in a higher Power.

make no mistake, most everyone in here had to give up people, places and things in order to stop drinking. I don't run with people that are drunks. I don't hang at bars and socialize. I don't let things I have no control over bother me any more.

Life is so good w/o drugs and alcohol or, this site wouldn't even be here would it?
You have to want this with all your being. You don't have to wait until you lose everything important like so many of us did

anomie

Over the past 3 or 4 years I stopped and started drinking many many times. The withdrawals have gotten worse and the alcohol consumption during one of my "falls" has been extensive. For the past 6 or 7 months I wasn't even worrying about stopping, I was in full scale drunk mode.

Lots of people slip up and go back to the same habits. What is important is that you get back to the mission at hand. I wasted so much time and did so much damage to myself during my months of alcoholic binges.

Cathy31

Xpartygirl
I know where you're coming from. I did the same (Of course I did !! Which alcoholic doesn't try and convince themselves they can drink normally after some abstinence!) I ended up so drunk - really go so bruised from falling down I couldn't go to the gym for a week, i was so embarassed by the state of me! Arms, legs, everything. Also just lost my glasses, and I don't know what else! blank for literally HOURS. The worst ever. But you know what, it made me realise....duh! alcoholism is a progressive disease. Now I know that for sure. So, lesson learned!
Meetings DO help. I know I need to do more, and I am going to.
Good luck! well done on day 5.
Love
cathy31
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