another newbie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Pickering Ontario
Posts: 69
another newbie
Hey guys.
Im strongly thinking about returning to AA for about the 500th time, lol. How many others do this? I swear its like everytime i mess up i go to meetings adn then go back out again and make my life miserable again. I must admit i'm getting really depressed about this. I've been to rehab before but always end up being the obnoxious drunk i was trying to not be. I know its my own fault i always end up going back to it, but i can't describe the cravings i feel for it. Alcoholism runs in my family like crazy. I know i am definately one, and people always tell me admitting it is the first step, but i've admitted it for a long time now and i never quite to be satisfied with the mess i made the last time i drank and go out and do it again. I'm only 21, but I feel like i've been dealing with this forever. Again, i know its my fault, but this truely the hardest thing i've ever dealt with in my entire life. I'm not really depressed or anything, but i'm kind of feeling like i'm going to try this one last time and if i don't fix it i'm finished. My dad always told me that there are alcoholics who unforuatnely just never get it, and i think i may very well be one of them. I don't just hurt myself, i hurt everyone else around me. The other night i was cleaning my room and i found 13 hidden (empty mind u) wine bottles and 2 micky's of vodka. Its weird because nobody really knows.. people at school think i'm so normal and stuff but in actuallity i'm really sick! Sorry about the boucning all over the place in topics but i literally drank myself stupid saturday night and i'm still feeling completely out of it. Yes... today was the morning after.. gotta love those... the guilt, crying and self pity are enough to make anyone puke..
Its the morning afters that put me in AA again and again, what the hell is gonna make me stay???
Thanks to anyone for listening to my sob story, lol
Anyone ever felt the same?
Im strongly thinking about returning to AA for about the 500th time, lol. How many others do this? I swear its like everytime i mess up i go to meetings adn then go back out again and make my life miserable again. I must admit i'm getting really depressed about this. I've been to rehab before but always end up being the obnoxious drunk i was trying to not be. I know its my own fault i always end up going back to it, but i can't describe the cravings i feel for it. Alcoholism runs in my family like crazy. I know i am definately one, and people always tell me admitting it is the first step, but i've admitted it for a long time now and i never quite to be satisfied with the mess i made the last time i drank and go out and do it again. I'm only 21, but I feel like i've been dealing with this forever. Again, i know its my fault, but this truely the hardest thing i've ever dealt with in my entire life. I'm not really depressed or anything, but i'm kind of feeling like i'm going to try this one last time and if i don't fix it i'm finished. My dad always told me that there are alcoholics who unforuatnely just never get it, and i think i may very well be one of them. I don't just hurt myself, i hurt everyone else around me. The other night i was cleaning my room and i found 13 hidden (empty mind u) wine bottles and 2 micky's of vodka. Its weird because nobody really knows.. people at school think i'm so normal and stuff but in actuallity i'm really sick! Sorry about the boucning all over the place in topics but i literally drank myself stupid saturday night and i'm still feeling completely out of it. Yes... today was the morning after.. gotta love those... the guilt, crying and self pity are enough to make anyone puke..
Its the morning afters that put me in AA again and again, what the hell is gonna make me stay???
Thanks to anyone for listening to my sob story, lol
Anyone ever felt the same?
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
Welcome Youngirish,
Funny that this was a topic at a recent meeting. Admitting is the first step. However, many of us admitted for years that we were alcoholics and used it as an excuse to drink alcoholically. It is not until I accepted it, that I was able to move on. You ask what is it going to take for you to stay. Commitment. Open mindedness. Willingness. The desire to stay sober being stronger than the desire to drink. Changing your lifestyle and way of thinking. You say you've been to meetings, so I'm sure you've heard these things. It's when they are what you feel in your heart, that it becomes possible. Have you ever gotten a sponsor? Worked any steps? I would suggest that you go to a few meetings and get some phone numbers. Then use them before you pick up that drink. You can do it if you want to. Stick around and read some other posts. Get to know some of us, and let us get to know you. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future!
Sherry
Funny that this was a topic at a recent meeting. Admitting is the first step. However, many of us admitted for years that we were alcoholics and used it as an excuse to drink alcoholically. It is not until I accepted it, that I was able to move on. You ask what is it going to take for you to stay. Commitment. Open mindedness. Willingness. The desire to stay sober being stronger than the desire to drink. Changing your lifestyle and way of thinking. You say you've been to meetings, so I'm sure you've heard these things. It's when they are what you feel in your heart, that it becomes possible. Have you ever gotten a sponsor? Worked any steps? I would suggest that you go to a few meetings and get some phone numbers. Then use them before you pick up that drink. You can do it if you want to. Stick around and read some other posts. Get to know some of us, and let us get to know you. I look forward to hearing from you in the near future!
Sherry
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.
I truly believe that. Working the steps was the only way I was able to quit drinking in concession. Got to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps. Within time, you'll be amazed and thrilled by the results.
I truly believe that. Working the steps was the only way I was able to quit drinking in concession. Got to meetings, get a sponsor, work the steps. Within time, you'll be amazed and thrilled by the results.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
((((((((YoungIrish)))))))))
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I hope you do more than - "keep coming back" to meetings this go round. I hope you give A.A. an honest try. I'm working presently with a young man who seems to have done pretty much what you've done. I'm grateful to see him JOIN this time and participate instead of just surfing meetings, meetings, and more meetings. Most of those meetings had resembled the AA I was given little if at all.
(((((((((YoungIrish)))))))))
I will PM you so as not to step on anyones toes. If you wish, please feel free to reply.
3 Legacy
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I hope you do more than - "keep coming back" to meetings this go round. I hope you give A.A. an honest try. I'm working presently with a young man who seems to have done pretty much what you've done. I'm grateful to see him JOIN this time and participate instead of just surfing meetings, meetings, and more meetings. Most of those meetings had resembled the AA I was given little if at all.
(((((((((YoungIrish)))))))))
I will PM you so as not to step on anyones toes. If you wish, please feel free to reply.
3 Legacy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Pickering Ontario
Posts: 69
Thanks to everyone who replied. I can honestly say that whenever i went to AA before i would cut as many corners as i could. I wouldn't work the steps, and i didn't want a sponser, but somehow convinced myself i didn't need that, i just needed to go. This time i feel differently about it. I never EVER want to be that drunken a$$hole again that i am everytime i drink, and have to wake up and look at myself admit i did all the stupid things i did while i was wasted.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: somewhere
Posts: 3,384
Don't ever, ever give up. You are worth staying sober for. Reach out to AA and put all your heart into it. It works if you work it so work it you're worth it.
I want to see you find the better life that you deserve.
Hope
I want to see you find the better life that you deserve.
Hope
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Beaver, WA
Posts: 1,346
((((((((YoungIrish)))))))))
Great to hear the resolve in your words. Your on the right path and remember you never "have" to drink again, even if at times you "think" you want to.
Look forward to livetime communications and Private correspondence once my system or PM is enabled again.
Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
3 Legacy
Great to hear the resolve in your words. Your on the right path and remember you never "have" to drink again, even if at times you "think" you want to.
Look forward to livetime communications and Private correspondence once my system or PM is enabled again.
Kiss Heart of Spirit
In Love & Service,
3 Legacy
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