cupowater

Well, my AH went hunting for the weekend with a buddy. (who made a referance to sitting around drinking burbon right before they left) Before he left , for those of you who remember or don't, he found all my posts on here, (so I had to change my name) and had not been drinking for 3 nights pryer to leaving. He never said anything to me about it, or made any promices to me about not drinking. I just wonder how he will be when he comes home today. Back in June, we had a long talk about his drinking, and he said he wouldn't go to AA, he wouldn't go to the bar any more, and he would only drink on the weekends! That lasted 4 days, and he was back at the bar. I just wonder since he didn't aknowledge my knowing about his getting into my computer (and invading my privacy!) if it will be easier for him to go back to his drinking. He is the type of person who is always moraly right. To a point that drives me nuts! Very judgemental of others. Usually when he gets it in his head to do something, he does it. He lost about 60 pounds, and pretty much kept to it. I will keep you posted!

TinyVoice

seems to me, from my experience and what others have told me, that the whole invasion of privacy - almost paranoia, being judgemental and being right and not liking you to disagree or criticize them etc. - that is all part of the disease.

HUGS

cupowater

Yes, Tiny, you are very right!

wraybear

In the book, The Booze Battle by Ruth Maxwell, there is a chapter on how the A's see themselves. I think one example is alcoholic walks into an office to do some electrical work. He is speaking with a manager and notices some stationary on her desk with their new logo. He comments on how the logo doesn't look very good... quack quack quack. My first husband was and still is very much like this. Everyone else is wrong or stupid. I don't understand this other than maybe it is a self-concept issue. It makes them feel better about themselves to degrade others. If others are "stupid and wrong" then they can put themselves up a rung on the ladder.

Isn't it crazy? What is so sad, is they don't understand that they appearing stupid and arrogant themselves when acting this way. My first AH has been like this for the past 20 years. No wonder he changes jobs every year. I am not exaggerating... every 9 to 12 months he has a different job. I bet his employers are grateful when he leaves... they and their customers don't have to put up with his "arrogance" any longer.

Hope you had a peaceful weekend and maybe he won't come home until really late tonight so you can have a peaceful Sunday!

Maybe when he starts his arrogant ways, you can just say "HMMM" and not respond.

Sorry to hear he didn't stick to his decision to not drink as much. HMMMM, wonder if he judges himself about that.

Peace!

Zoey

My thoughts keep going back to AA meetings. I do believe that A's are perfectionists.
We are all perfectionests in some area's. We all seem to be perfectionists even when we are not.
Such as, any of us watching another person paint a wall, the one watching can always see the little missed spots, or where paint went on too thin or too thick.
We can see these things because ,as you know, we are seeing it from standing back,
from a different angle and the light shinning differently.
My A was critical, believe partly upbrinnging, he didn't miss a thing, good or bad.

One speaker at AA said, when the group entered a meeting room every one said, "How nice, look at this lovely flower arrangement, beautiful carpet". This A said, "Look over there the carpet doesn't fit tight, and look over there that is crooked, the people putting this together weren't very good, and think of all the money paid for slopy workmanship, this is an outrage" (Smile) In AA he changed.

My alcoholic thinking is, well I know I can't do it to perfection (my idea of perfection), so I won't do it. I am perfect at being lazy, and procrastinating.

I would like to suggest for all Al-Anon's to also get books on the male brain, I think men are so fragil. With the sex, my A was bashful, I think he feared rejection, but with the booze the booze gives them feelings of no one can resist me.
If and when we reject them, they are going to get even. We bruised their EGO.

Just my thinking for what it is worth. I felt I learned a lot from the books on male thinking. But always there are exceptions. Each person is different and each marriage is different and each family is different.

Like author Allen Stark, said "I believe life controls people, not the other way around". Then we have to use good attitude, and with us, we need to change the control. I am having a little manic eposode here. Well enjoy. My manic thing is I write letters to the editor. Because, I can see all sides to this situation. Yeah! Right!! takes me days to write as has to be perfect. so most don't get sent.
I am thrilled when published, as thats my way of telling myself, ""You arn't crazy or they would not have published" Right??? I hope. clancy46