Savana 54

My Abf keeps making promises that he can't keep. I understand that part of the disease, but I never know when I can believe him and join in with him about making plans for our future. He works out of town and I don't see him much, but we both came to the decision that he should quit his job as we both miss each other. He really would like to go back to school and earn his degree. So we have planned this nice little fantasy for him to quit his job in May when our lease is up, and we plan on moving to a bigger City. Although, it seems it is only that, a FANTASY!

The reason I say this is every two steps forward he takes he takes 20 steps back. The minute Friday came yesterday he was drunk and now I haven't heard from him at all today or tonight as well. I do admit I yelled at him and called him awful names and said I was going to leave him this time foreal.

My heart says to leave, but I don't know if I should give it more time, as I have just started Alanon.

Another thing that is REALLY bothering me is that we had to put our dog down just recently, the dog was the light of my life and my good friend and companion, protected me and made me feel less alone when he is away. When he was home for Christmas, he said he would like to buy me a new puppy. We had planned on getting this puppy from a reputable breeder. Since she lives far away, she emails me pics of the puppies. I even gave her a deposit to hold the puppy, and have been preparing for the puppies homecoming. I bought losts of new things and have been feeling really good about things, not to mention the fact my ABf has been going to meetings and has been sober up until yesterday. Now, I don't know if getting this puppy is such a good thing, as in the back of my mind I have been pondering the thought of leaving him if he can't remain sober.

I just am concerned if I need to move out it will be much more difficult to find a rental with a puppy. But my heart is set on this puppy, up until last night when my dreams came tumbling down. I mean am I really that stupid to believe he will want to be sober? He was sober last year for almost a year and a half.

I just want the nice little family life, 2 kids and a dog, all that one dreams of as a little girl. I know many of you had suggested that I RUN as far away as I can; the thought has crossed my mind today. But I don't know if I'm acting out on shear anger or am I truly ready to leave him?

I don't know what to say to the breeder that has been so kind to me? No I don't want the puppy anymore because my bf is a A? I'm so lost and confused, I don't even know if this post makes any sense or not...

FormerDoormat

Hi Savannah:

I'm sorry you're having such a rough time and I hope that you'll take a serious look at the relationships that other folks at SR have with their alcoholic spouses and SOs before you consider pursuing a long-term relationship with your boyfriend. If you think things are complicated and painful now, you haven't seen anything yet.

Now, about the puppy, as a volunteer for a rescue organization, I urge you not to bring a puppy into your situation, into your life, when you're not sure what the future holds, when you're not sure that you can provide a lifetime home for him. Bringing a puppy into your situation will only add additional stress that you don't need at this time. Please consider the potential impact that your situation could have on an innocent pup. Tell the breeder the pup needs a stable home, and you can't provide one at this time. He/she will be glad you did.

Hugs to you.

peapod

i'm right there with ya, savana. do you know that i've actually fantasized about my husband getting killed in a car crash? then i wouldn't have to make a decision about leaving....since him and i have been fighting so much lately, he's starting to talk about divorce. then i thought--what if HE left ME? boy, what a relief that would be...that was my first reaction. how crazy is that? you'd think if i felt that way, i'd just leave him. why should i spend half of my life unhappy and alone? like i've said before, it doesn't take courage to leave, it takes courage to know that you are certain...certain that he has a problem that not even love can conquer...that love is not enough.

i say you should just get that puppy...you'll be able to find a place that allows dogs. plus, you deserve to have that kind of unconditional love in your life. i have a 10-month old poodle/terrier mix. he is my constant companion, and i don't know what i'd do without him...i've only been married a year and am finally coming to terms with the fact that my husband is an alcoholic and that i am an enabler. one thing i worry about--if i leave him, how can i be sure that i won't end up with another alcoholic and in the same mess again? it's all so confusing...all this anxiety and this never being able to make a decision is causing me to age prematurely!

CrazyRed

Good evening!

When I am confused, thinking what-ifs, I try to stay focused on this single moment.
(What if you were to get run over by a bus tomorrow, would it be a good idea to get a puppy today?)

You sound so out of sorts, and I wish that I had some words to offer comfort! When I'm feeling outta hand, I sometimes make a list of everything that is bothering me and put it under my pillow before bed in order to let my HP help me figure things out.

Thoughts and prayers,
Red

Savana 54

FD, Rest assured I would never have to rehome my dog for reasons of not being able to find a rental. I thought that with my last dog, but always found a place. I used to volunteer and have rescued and fostered animals, so I'm familiar with what you are talking about.

I have thought like peapod and think 'yes, I'm entitled to have this puppy." I have the puppies future already mapped out and wanted to start obedience in March and then Agility in the next 6 months. So the pup would have an excellent home with me! I understand what you are thinking though FD. Have seen numerous dogs dumped due to bad situations.

Audrey72

Good on ya Savana - the little tyke will be lucky to have a Mum who really wants him. When things are down let him give you kisses and tickles and jump on your tummy! I am sure if you need to find accommodation there will be plenty of sympathetic lanlords who too are animal lovers.

I am searching at the moment and am surprised at the number who are willing to negotiate - especially if they know the animal is trained and well behaved!

Good luck to you and your new addition!

Savana 54

CrazyRed-I just wanted to say I read your post at least three times and I like the way you think!! You really got me thinking tonight! Thank you..

Zoey

I agree with Former Doormat, Also I would need to visit a puppy several times to see if we bonded. Myself I would wait a while. I know how wonderful puppies are, but I don't feel it is right for now, for either one of you.
Take care Best Always clancy46