JennyK

my car would not start again. I guess I had a batch of gas with water in it and I will have to wait until the Spring thaw to drive my car again. Damn.

I was suspicious that my husband had been drinking when I got home. Unfounded, totally and completely.

I have PMS.

I was snappy with my 6 year old.

I got really BAD news a work about our next years budget, more work for ME.

I STILL have bad hair.

The dog has decided that he MUST sleep next to my husband in bed, thus pushing me almost onto the floor.

My tofu dinner was rubbery.

And the most pathetic thing of all was that in my mind it was a STELLAR day since my husband did not drink.

HOW can I get my focus OFF of him and ONTO me? He is even encouraging me to do it. Telling me to go to the movies with my friends, encouraging me to "sit down and read a book, I will make dinner", asking me about me day, taking care of all the housework...and still my "daily rating" is tied to HIS day.

ACK...I need Alanon more NOW. I know how to detach from a drunk. I don't know how to NOT be attached to a non drunk who is making my life much easier.

Jenny

Dee at Mt Bully

wow--that's a new problem--not sure I know anything about that--I guess be
thankful he did not drink for another day and go get your hair done--smiles--Dee

Zoey

I think we become addicted to the chaos caused by the A. So we go through withdrawal. Just a thought I AM JOKING, but it is a whole new ball game when they arn't drinking. Then I would wonder how long will it last. etc.
I think I can feel what you are feeling, but I think it takes time to adjust. i have no suggestions. Take good care of you. Write your thoughts as often as you need, this is such a good outlet. Best for you always clancy46

Mich

Jenny.....Change good or bad is almost always uncomfortable....we dont know how to respond when we have been used to reacting to something one way for so long. Its an adjustment. It's OK. Just recognizing the need to change is progress. Do something nice for just YOU today.

Hugs
Michelle

cupowater

I agree with everything clancy46 said! When my ah stopped drinking all of the sudden 4 days ago (after he found all my posts here!) I didn't know how to act! He was so alert he was actually pleasent to be around! He was TOTALLY different. Its hard to just switch your feelings all at once! It's almost not fair! Like someone pulling the rug out from under you! THEN you gatta wonder if it will last, or he will be back drinking again!

wraybear

I am struggling with this very same issue and my AH isn't even living here. I had been doing well, most of these past 15 or 16 weeks, however long its been, but yesterday it all started again. Then I couldn't even sleep thinking about him drinking. GEEZ. I would really like to get my focus off of him and have a grade A daily rating regardless of what he is doing. I hope we can both get the peace back soon. Maybe we should allow ourselves a bad rated day once in a while. I read on a post yesterday it took years for us to get this way, maybe we should give ourselves a break as we can't expect the changes to happen overnight.

Hope you have a peaceful day today!

JennyK

I am sorry. That post was rather whiney. I am grateful and thankful that things in my home are peaceful these days and I really need to be counting my blessings moment to moment.

Jenny

abtchonamission

For me, I found that it was harder to focus on me rather than him when he gave me his support, because I was so worried that his support was not genuine, but another way of manipulating me. So instead of accepting the fact that he was trying to be there for me the way I was being there for him, I focused more on him - thinking that there was something "more" to why he'd decided that he was going to be the man I hoped for rather than the man I was used to. It was my mistake. I had to swallow a lot of pride and own it, when I realized it. What I realized was that his recovery had brought him to a place where he'd finally realized that his decisions and actions had affected me, and he was sort of making amends, by showing me that the person who had been so self-centered and selfish could now be a positive part of my life. It was me that needed to adjust.
Keep posting about your feelings (and stop apologizing for being "whiny" because your feelings are valid.) Keep talking, going to meetings, taking care of you. That's how we work through these things, and we can't stop remembering what it is we need to do for us. And you're right - it doesn't hurt to count our blessings. I do not do that NEARLY enough, so thank you for the reminder.

Hugs,
Trisha

bruised ego

"The dog has decided that he MUST sleep next to my husband in bed, thus pushing me almost onto the floor."

I'll bet the dog knows your dh is trying hard and suffering. Put the dog out and tell it you will do this. Then sleep close to your dh and hug him. It will make both of you feel better.

JennyK

THAT is a great idea! The dog is really acting differently around him. VERY affectionate and loving and wanting to be next to him all the time. So are the kids. I guess I am a bit less trusting...due to past history. At some point I will be ready to believe that THIS time he means it...everyone else seems to be acting like it is...including my husband.

Thanks for the reminder. Off to bed now.

Jenny

Audrey72

I think their habits can create habits in us that are also hard to break (I sneak out and count how many AH has had every day - its almost an obsession).

Be patient with yourself Jen....you're doing a good job!

minnie

Jenny

Just remember - one day at a time. That really is all you need to deal with at the moment.

And we're there with you.

Love

Minnie
xxx