journey1

my ex ah took me to court last wed, again, screaming he wants visitation with my daughter. We already had a court order for every sun and wed, this was back in july. He showed up 3 times. I didn't hear from him for 2 months then he calls to see my daughter for her b-day. Then he doesn't call for 2 months and wants to see her for x-mas. On her b-day we argued becuz he owes me child support money and he tried to get his girlfriend to beat me up and he wanted to smash my car, so I called the cops. We ended up putting peace bonds on each other, but is this right? Our little girl is the one suffering. He doesn' t show up because he is out drinking the night before and now he takes me back to court and sun was our first visit and guess what ....he didn't show up. What the ----is going on. Is this man crazy. He puts me through all this and then is drunk sat and doesn't show up...This is driving me insane. I am trying to work the alanon program, but to me this is starting to be abuse, psychologically. I do not know what to do. I thought I wanted to deal with his mother and sent my daughter over to her on sun and he never went there. Then he told me lies in court about how he's been sober, he loves my daughter, he won't screw up any more, he'll support us.....to me he created all this confusion so I won't see the true him, and I believed him, I thought this time he'll do good. Just like my relationship was, he'd drink, and then plead he'll never do it again, you know the roller coaster ride or the merry go round. I thought I got off of that and now I am on another one but this time with visits. It gets me so upset, I don't eat I get stressed, I get angry....When he isn't around my life is quiet, peaceful we have a schedule, it's so calm and then he decides he wants a visit, and here comes the storm, i get right back on the merry go round. I am still effected by his disease, how do I deal with this. I want to do what is best for my sanity and my daughter. She is only 2 but if it keeps going this way later on she will be seeing and hearing all the broken promises and lies. Any advice?

Gabe

If he's still drinking, supervised visitation is the only way to go. That way, you know someone sober is around to ensure your daughter's safety.
You can only do your part in this.
Arrange for supervised visitation and make sure your daughter is there at the scheduled time.
If he doesn't show up, that's on him.
You can't make him a responsible father anymore than you can get him sober.
Those are things he has to do himself.
And unfortunately, since you share a child with him, these are issues that are going to come up.
Try to take them one at a time, I know it's hard.

CatsTail

Journey1 I don't have any words of comfort. Maybe you need to get a restraining order on your ex and his girl-friend. Can you see a legal-aide lawyer?

As far as merry-go-round goes My sons father is literally on his death bed and we're still on the merry-go-round. Kids keep us tied forever to these people unfortunately.

Ngaire

Live

I am sorry you are going through this. I do have one piece of advice. If this is really going into the courts you need to keep a written record, this will be very helpful.
hugs,'
live

JT

He is keeping you in the game. It is time to take your ball and go home.

Just like before...you cannot believe what he says. If you count on him to follow through it hurts when he doesn't, so don't. You can protect your daughter by not telling her he is coming and have a plan B. When he doesn't show go for ice cream or a movie.

Really, when you stop playing he will have to go to another playground.

Hugs,
JT