can not stand being alone
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: danville ill.
Posts: 1
can not stand being alone
i have been clean and sober for almost 5 months now but i have not been in a relationship for over two years and im going crazy i just want some one to love and to hold at night and be there for and them to be there for me its not about sex anymore to me its about friendship loving and caring what can i do this makes feel like going out and using again 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: The Field of Dreams
Posts: 7,249
Go to Captainzings thread in recovery follies and post an ad. http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=48560 Just kidding.Welcome to SoberRecovery marlboro.And congrats on your 5 months.Hang in there.When you stop looking,chances are someone will come into your life.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: toronto, ontario, canada
Posts: 224
I ahve a tendency to feel very lonely too these days but I know I still have alot more work to do on myself before i could attract a healthy person to be in a heathy relationship. I find going to meetings and reaching out to others in recovery by phone and internet helps with the loneliness. As someone said before me, this too shall pass. PS Ireally like all the handshakes and hugs I get at meetings. Soimetimes that is the reason I go.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Hi marlboro
You may be on your own, but please understand that you are NEVER alone.
Whether it's coming here or getting to AA meetings or talking on the phone. There are lots of us around to share our and your experience.
Time on oyur own is necessary to get healthy. As you get healthy, you will find that new opportunities present themselves to you in every aspect of your life.
Stick with it. You're doing great. Honest you are!
Rich
You may be on your own, but please understand that you are NEVER alone.
Whether it's coming here or getting to AA meetings or talking on the phone. There are lots of us around to share our and your experience.
Time on oyur own is necessary to get healthy. As you get healthy, you will find that new opportunities present themselves to you in every aspect of your life.
Stick with it. You're doing great. Honest you are!
Rich
The Serenity Plus Plan
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: The Garden State
Posts: 157
Hi marlboro.
I think Junem is right when she says that you need to be healthy to attract healthy people.
I'm recently divorced and there are times when I feel very lonely. But I also know that that part of my life is gone and I need to work on myself now. And you know something, it feels good.
I'll be in another relationship again, perhaps even get married - I actually love being married - but not now. It's healthy time - and for the first time in my life (at 40), and I'm not exagerating, I'm being good to me. I use the gym alot and that does me no end of good. See if you can try that. And of course, I attend AA meetings. Didn't want to leave that out!
Good Luck,
Richard
I think Junem is right when she says that you need to be healthy to attract healthy people.
I'm recently divorced and there are times when I feel very lonely. But I also know that that part of my life is gone and I need to work on myself now. And you know something, it feels good.
I'll be in another relationship again, perhaps even get married - I actually love being married - but not now. It's healthy time - and for the first time in my life (at 40), and I'm not exagerating, I'm being good to me. I use the gym alot and that does me no end of good. See if you can try that. And of course, I attend AA meetings. Didn't want to leave that out!
Good Luck,
Richard
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi and welcome!
Congrats on 5 months as well.
Are you in a program, do you have a support system? What steps are you taking to get out and meet people? It's hard forcing ourselves out of ourselves and getting involved with outside activities, but that's the best way to meet people. It takes time adjusting to sober life when the time is right, you'll meet that special someone, continue to take care of you though in the meantime.
Congrats on 5 months as well.
Are you in a program, do you have a support system? What steps are you taking to get out and meet people? It's hard forcing ourselves out of ourselves and getting involved with outside activities, but that's the best way to meet people. It takes time adjusting to sober life when the time is right, you'll meet that special someone, continue to take care of you though in the meantime.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Just My 3 Cents Worth. I Was In A Marriage From Hell 4 Over 11 Years. I'd Rather B On A Deserted Island Then B In A Bad Relationship. Worry Bout The Drugs And Booze First. After You've Been Sober For A Year, Try Asking God For His Will For You. You Can Be Alone, But You Don't Have To B Lonely. Does This Make Sense To You? I Used To Go To Bars And Feel All Alone. The Only Difference Was There Was Noise At The Bar And At Home There Wasn't Any. In Other Words, It's In Your Mind. Get Your Mind Cleared Up. Read Positive Books, Work Out In A Gymn If You Have One Near By. Go To All Aa Functions. Be A Friend, To The People At The Meetings. Volunteer To Help Out At Meetings. Don't Sit And Brood Over It
Stay Posting I Need Someone To Chat With
Chris
Stay Posting I Need Someone To Chat With
Chris
doing the inside job
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: planet happy
Posts: 542
Welcome to Sr Marlboro
I can deffernently relate to how you feel.
To be able to share my life with someone at an intimate level.
To have someone stand by yourside thourgh thick and thin.
To share your triumphs and failings. God is nice and all, but
man..... skin feels good too.
I've only been in 3 long term relationships.
My marriage was a total nightmare. In recover, I've notice
the relationships last longer as wasn't as chaotic. Not that
it wasn't without problems. Being clean ans sober ment i
had to face everything. The good times out wiegh the bad times
10 to 1. However, when a heart gets broken, it hurts like hell
and ripped my heart out more ways than I can ever imagined.
I locked my keys in my car with the truck running and sat at my
desk and cried for weeks. My best friend had to baby sit for
weeks as I cried myself to bed every night. I also surrounded myself
with people in recovery. As muched as it hurted, I also grew
a lot during those hard times. God or my HP sent people into
my life and showed me many, many new concepts or ideas
to help me grow as a person. I didn't regret that relationship.
It's a far cry from my married...a lot of regrets in that one.
Eventually,my sponsors, co-sponsor made me date.
They let me go thur whatever the heck I had to go thur
without judging me and told me to write as always.
It was wierd to be single and dating at the age of 29.
The long term relationship and my life style had changed.
Dating was hard at first. I went thur deffernent stages of it.
From getting over my fears of a bueatiful woman and asking
her out, to getting stood up. Being an addict as I am. I started
juggling and started dating lots of women, in recovery and outside
of recovery. That was fun....I even date women with the same
names. That was an experience.lol
It was also growth for me....I didn't meet these women in bars
Drugs and alcohol wasn't invloved.
I think, I'm also coming to an end of a relationship of 8 years.
To not be the person that's tearing up or causing chaso in
a relationship is also growth for me. I'm walking thur my feelings
and reading and writing a lot , hanging out with friends and
people in recovery and keeping an open mind. I'm not sure
if it's suppost to end or what. I love this person every much,
I feel I'm the only person trying at the moment.
This is actually that first time I've ever live along. I have my
own place without anybody living with me. So I'm going thur
growth in differnent ways. It's starting to grow on me.
I'm free to do whatever I want, how I want , when I want.
There's a lot of things in my life that dosen't involve a partner.
Writing helps reminds me of these things
The growth I'm also seeing is, I'm not DESPERATE.
I learn something from everybody. My first sponsor
told me to write my first in this way...List all the desperate
situations drugs and alcohol had put you in.
It also though me that I didn't have to be deperate anymore
in anything.
I'm 37, I did'nt imagine I would be single again.
I'm working on acceptence of the situation, but there's
a lot of posistives things if I choose to look at them.
Reading and writhing what I'm going thourgh helps me.
P.S.
Pray....but
Be careful what you ask for ....you might get it !
Just don't ask for someone to walk into your life.
Be a bit more especific.lol
That dude upstairs had pretty much giving me everything
I asked for. I'm learning to be more especific.
I can deffernently relate to how you feel.
To be able to share my life with someone at an intimate level.
To have someone stand by yourside thourgh thick and thin.
To share your triumphs and failings. God is nice and all, but
man..... skin feels good too.
I've only been in 3 long term relationships.
My marriage was a total nightmare. In recover, I've notice
the relationships last longer as wasn't as chaotic. Not that
it wasn't without problems. Being clean ans sober ment i
had to face everything. The good times out wiegh the bad times
10 to 1. However, when a heart gets broken, it hurts like hell
and ripped my heart out more ways than I can ever imagined.
I locked my keys in my car with the truck running and sat at my
desk and cried for weeks. My best friend had to baby sit for
weeks as I cried myself to bed every night. I also surrounded myself
with people in recovery. As muched as it hurted, I also grew
a lot during those hard times. God or my HP sent people into
my life and showed me many, many new concepts or ideas
to help me grow as a person. I didn't regret that relationship.
It's a far cry from my married...a lot of regrets in that one.
Eventually,my sponsors, co-sponsor made me date.
They let me go thur whatever the heck I had to go thur
without judging me and told me to write as always.
It was wierd to be single and dating at the age of 29.
The long term relationship and my life style had changed.
Dating was hard at first. I went thur deffernent stages of it.
From getting over my fears of a bueatiful woman and asking
her out, to getting stood up. Being an addict as I am. I started
juggling and started dating lots of women, in recovery and outside
of recovery. That was fun....I even date women with the same
names. That was an experience.lol
It was also growth for me....I didn't meet these women in bars
Drugs and alcohol wasn't invloved.
I think, I'm also coming to an end of a relationship of 8 years.
To not be the person that's tearing up or causing chaso in
a relationship is also growth for me. I'm walking thur my feelings
and reading and writing a lot , hanging out with friends and
people in recovery and keeping an open mind. I'm not sure
if it's suppost to end or what. I love this person every much,
I feel I'm the only person trying at the moment.
This is actually that first time I've ever live along. I have my
own place without anybody living with me. So I'm going thur
growth in differnent ways. It's starting to grow on me.
I'm free to do whatever I want, how I want , when I want.
There's a lot of things in my life that dosen't involve a partner.
Writing helps reminds me of these things
The growth I'm also seeing is, I'm not DESPERATE.
I learn something from everybody. My first sponsor
told me to write my first in this way...List all the desperate
situations drugs and alcohol had put you in.
It also though me that I didn't have to be deperate anymore
in anything.
I'm 37, I did'nt imagine I would be single again.
I'm working on acceptence of the situation, but there's
a lot of posistives things if I choose to look at them.
Reading and writhing what I'm going thourgh helps me.
P.S.
Pray....but
Be careful what you ask for ....you might get it !
Just don't ask for someone to walk into your life.
Be a bit more especific.lol
That dude upstairs had pretty much giving me everything
I asked for. I'm learning to be more especific.
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