mamasmitty

Am I the only one, or does your AH follow you around the house? I can't go to the bathroom without him following me there! I found myself jumping up to wash the dishes as soon as he went outside last night, because EVERY time I wash the dishes, he comes up behind me and hugs me from behind. Might not sound so bad, but it pushes me into the edge of the sink, and I can't wash the dishes, and it hurts my back because I have back problems, and it makes me have to strain to stand up streight at a bad angle that hurts! I can't walk passed him without him reaching out and grabbing me, and the WORST thing is that everytime I walk in a room, he grabs my boobs!!!!! Its like he is obcessed with sex! The more I don't give him (because of his drinking) the more he wants it! I just get sick of being followed. I believe it is because of his insecuritys! I NEED my space!

JessicaNAJ

My AH used to follow me around all the time. I'd go to the bathroom and he'd come in and stand there...ugh!

I think my AH is obsessed with sex too. Its like he don't think a marriage is based on anything but sex. I haven't been with him in a year and can't even imagine being with now. The other night, he was drunk and we were fighting, he said, "You want to have sex?" That is their mentality.

He didn't grab my boobs 'cause he knew he'd get slapped for that one, but everytime he'd come into the room, he'd stare at me. That's just as unnerving.

I hear ya on the space thing!!!

Dee at Mt Bully

I moved my AH to the other little house on our property--I couldn't take it when
he would wake up from his booze snooze on the couch and then come to bed with me and start gropping. I think thats a huge violation of my space. I would not be able to tolerate someone grabbing my breasts when I walked in the room it's bad enough when you are in bed. Actually I don't put up with any touching anymore. Guess I'm
just mean. I don't think you should put up with something that makes you uncomfortable and only you can define your comfort zone. Smiles--Dee

minnie

To me, it's another form of boundaries. We work on emotional boundaries a lot here, but physical boundaries are important too. We need to put as much effort into enforcing those.

I do think As have difficulty with sexual aspects of relationships (this is only my opinion!!). I see sex as an expression of emotional intimacy, however my ex saw sex as a way to GET emotional intimacy. Bearing in mind that As tend to stop developing emotionally at the time they start drinking, then it is no wonder that there are issues.

As achb has (sort of) said before, why on earth do we bother?!! There must be some emotionally healthy guys out there!!

cwohio

mine does it sporadically and of course, when he is drinking. mine usually is not a groper (sp?) - mostly a talker (quack, quack, blah, blah). you are not alone mama!

mamasmitty

Thanks! Its good to know. I really look forward to talking to all of you. It's nice to talk to other people that undersatnd.

cwohio

it really does help to know there are others out there just like us and it's nice to see them in all phases of recovery!

rock

He may not be obsessed with sex. He is just plain horny. Im not an A but I am a guy. Some men just dont get it A or not. S ome have a caveman mentality and dont know any better. He may have to relearn that courtship leads to phisical intimacy. Get some cosmopolitan magasins and the like leave them laying around. Tell him when you are not drinking come and lay down with me and lets watch a movie and cuddle if all goes well slip into something nice andget intimate. Who knows he may want to stop drinking once in while. Hope I helped alittle. Take Care Rock.

hope2bhappy

When drinking, my AH follows me everywhere I go in this house -- and so do my cats, so there's often a regular parade following me. If I go to the grocery store (or some other like place), he calls me on my cell at least 3 times. He talks constantly and must always be near me. I don't know why, because sometimes he really gets on my nerves, and I'm not very pleasant to be around. I just try to tolerate it as best I can.

prodigal

... however, I think (and I've read in a few of those pop psycho-babble books) that men use sex as a way of expressing emotional intimacy, whereas women need the verbal communication for intimacy to occur. Frankly, I've NEVER known a man myself who hasn't had a bit more interest in sex than women. Mind you, I'm generalizing here, but guys DO seem to be more focused on their genitalia than women - as well as what they do with it!!

Yeah, I've had two cats, a dog and my AH follow me all over the house to the point that I've locked myself in the bathroom just to have a minute of privacy. My AH claims he NEEDS to snuggle (read that to mean laying on me like a ton of bricks) all night long. I get hot and sweaty and I cramp up since I cannot move in my sleep. This didn't happen a year ago when he was getting what he wanted all the time. As soon as I began to cool off sexually he turned up the demands on wanting to impinge on my boundaries.

To hell with him ... I sleep on the basement couch. If he doesn't like it - tough! I need a decent night's sleep, not some dead arm flopped across my ribs or some clown fondling my breasts every 10 minutes. Jeesh!! Give me a break already!!!!

TinyVoice

My A-bf had a sexual problem too in my opinion that exceeded just normal male needs or sexual interests or testosterone. I think it was part of his insecurities, his control issues, his need to be in a relationship and feel loved. I think it is tied to his alcoholism in a way as well as other issues. He was extremely insecure. I think there is a lot of shame in drinking to excess like he did. And it came out in many ways. And I was always accused of not loving him if I did not GIVE it to him all the time. He was obsessed with a lot of things. Sex was definitely one of them When we broke up, he would always hound me to still sleep with him. None of it was healthy in any way.

drgnfly30

Yes... follows me around & talks talks talks.... when I do try to engage in his "conversation" he tells me I'm cutting him off & not to speak until he tells me too... by the time he's done talking he's left the room... takes another shot, lights up a smoke & returns to the room I'm in... forgetting what just happened minutes before. What makes this worse is that when I try to physically detach from his drinking... for some peace & quiet, he follows me around & tries to verbally engage me in a fight.. using just about every tactic that he knows pushes my buttons. And like many others, he is obsessed with a certain sexual act that I've just about refused to do while he's drinking.... it wouldn't matter though if I did it every day... it would be some other complaint!
Christine