lolly112166

I know I should try to be optimistic, however, it is very hard giving the past circumstances. On Monday night my Dad (who is my A) called 911 not once, not twice, but nine times. The funny thing is that his mind could not process that he was dialing the wrong number. He thought he was dialing the number for detox. He had the number right in front of him and still dialed 911. He truly wanted help. Well, naturally the ambulance didn't take him the 1st time. And so the ninth time he called the sherrif came out for a visit. They really didn't want to take him to jail for dialing 911 so many time after being told not to. They new something was wrong. So, they asked him why he was doing that and he told them. "I WANT TO GO TO DETOX, I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS ANYMORE".

So, that is really great, right? Well as usual, the old negativity comes around. I am so....I don't know what I am to be honest. I want to be positive, but it is so hard. The past experiences keep reminding me that he won't succeed. But, this is the first time "HE" has wanted to help himself.

I NEED A MEETING! I am gonna call my sponsor. I really need to work this out. I feel that I am regressing. And I don't want that. How do I separate myself from his drinking? I am the only one in his world that has anything to do with him. His son mows his yard but has nothing to do with him otherwise. His brother doesn't even call him anymore. Dad calls him nearly every day.

I will say this. I backed away from the situation. I stopped dropping everything I was doing to run to him. I started refusing him. Saying no for me has ALWAYS been a problem. Now that I am reading "Co-dependant No More" I understand why I have been that way. However, I am learning. So this anxious feeling, that the meds aren't helping, is really bothering me.

I don't know...I guess I just needed to boil a bit. Still need to call my sponsor. So many questions. I worry when he doesn't get help...and I worry when he does. What does that say about me? CO-DEPENDENCY

Sorry such a long gripe. Thank you for listening.

Know that I pray for you every day!

Lolly

Morning Glory

Lolly,

You are in a hard situation. Please don't be hard on yourself. This is a process and it takes time. When someone we care about is in crisis it throws us off track.

Keep reading and keep learning and get all the support you can. Try to keep your focus off of your father and on yourself. There is nothing you can do for him. I hope he is ready to do it for himself.

When you truely understand there is nothing you can do to help your father it may relieve some of your feelings of responsiblily. Your father has options and choices to have support from others and get the help he needs. You are not the only person in his life. His choices are making it look that way.

Hopefully he will be ready for help now, but that is out of your hands. Any information he receices in his attempt will only be helpful to him so that's good.

As Ann would say, go do something nice for yourself today.

Hugs,

MG

lolly112166

Thank you MG for your kind words of support. It has been a rough day as you can imagine. I was blessed to have a call from Dad's psych technician to let me know how Dad was today. He laughed and said "your Dad is a pistol"! He was very helpful to me and made me feel some better. Said that he of course cannot promise anything, but hopes to help Dad in his recovery and his plan for leaving. And where he will go when he does.

The problem is the lack of detachment. I'm nervous off and on all day. Of course, I did this to myself. It is really not Dad's fault. His predicament is not the problem either. It is the fact that I feel I have to fix something. And I can't do it. It is not mine to fix. I have to learn to let go of the situation and let Dad fix it. I have prayed to God many times to pry me hands off of a situation so that he could have it. And this is one of those times. I wonder why that is so hard, letting go?

Denial isn't just a place in Egypt.

Lolly

Ann

Hi Lolly

Reading good books like you are and going to meetings (and working the steps) are all positive things that you are doing for YOU. This is a step forward. It takes time and work to learn to let go. And it is hard to let go of someone we love who is hurting himself.

But look at the positive steps your dad has taken, calling to go to Detox is a big step. And the people at detox can help him get into a program that will help him further. He may not do that just yet, unless he is ready, but my guess is that he is close to ready. And all this happened for him when everyone else backed off. When we say "Hands Off The Addict" it is not just for OUR recovery...it is the only way to let them find theirs.

I find praying helps. When I can really connect with God, and trust God, I can turn it all over to Him.

You are already doing nice things for yourself, but add a few nice distractions too. Call a friend, or ask your sponsor to go to a movie or walk in a park or go to a flea market...anything fun and healthy.

My prayers are with you.

constant

Hey Lolly,

Your post really caught my attention as my dad is also an A. I wish that may dad would put himself in detox. The relationship that we have now not very close, because for myself and my kids I have had to distance us. We all took a vaction together a couple of summers ago and it was the last straw. His behavior was the worst I had ever seen from him. When we got home I wrote him a letter telling him I thought he had a problem and that he needed help. To this day he has not gotten help, but I made it very clear that I would not be around it or my kids. He does make an effort to be sober when he comes here or I go there. He lives alone on the lake so I worry A LOT about the dangers of what could happen, but he made it clear to me he was a grown man and he would make his own decisions.

I hope that your dad keeps working on being sober so your relationship can grow into one of trust and peace. Even if he isn't successful immediately he has reached out for help and that says a lot.


Constant

lolly112166

Thank you Constant for your words. And I pray that your father has the courage to do what he must to be well again.

I am so encouraged today! Dad's psych technician called this morning and told me that, without prompting him, Dad has decided that he is going to go back and live at the retirement village he stayed at in January. It is a really nice place with people his age. Very safe environment. He has also instructed that he wants his house sold so that he won't be tempted to go back if he gets brave. He says he does not trust himself to be there anymore as he is so very lonely there. I am sad for him that it has to be this way, but glad that he made the decision himself.

Thank you all so very much for your prayers and words of encouragement.

Know that I am praying for you everyday!

Lolly