Dreamsdeferred

I thought I'd share this with you all. The other night my AH after hours of drinking decides to ask me a question as I came in from work. I should have known that I was being set up. Anyway, a few nights ago, we agreed to divorce. Mind you, he is the one whose been threatening to do this for the longest. All you have to do is read my post and you would find this hilarious. I finally agreed to the divorce. He claims that he feels restricted by being with me. Well, to make a long story short. He said with the sincerety of a politician, "I am really concerned about you. I think you need to be evaluated." I had to ask why. He continued, "When we have a disagreement, the next day, you act as if nothing has happened."

Thanks to Al-Anon I have been practicing "detachment." Well I responded by saying, "That since it has not been a custom in our marriage to resolve issues, that I have resolved to not let things that are out of my control bother me. And furthermore, I have resolved to not stay in this relationship."

I am so grateful for having read the many posts in this forum. I would not have been prepared for that one. LOL

jalacola

Yes, I do find that humorous! My AH isn't liking the detachment thing either. He finds it very offensive that I don't care anymore. We discussed divorce the other night as well and him moving out, only for him to tell me the next morning that he isn't moving out b/c we are a family and families live together. I had to laugh at that b/c it sounded so child-like. My response was, "Whatever." My thinking was that he can stay but we are going to live together, yet separate, at least until I can get my feet firmly planted financially! I have been told many times by him that I need to see a shrink and be evaluated b/c I am not "right in the head." B/c I would let him get to me. Guess who's right in the head now!

TinyVoice

This also happened to me. I had been trying to break up with my A-bf for weeks, when I even got a voice mail message telling me that he couldnt' continue on with me. That I was sick and needed help. I think this is the alcoholic/addict way of dealing. While we were together, my A-bf almost had me convinced that I was crazy. Actually, now that he is out of my life, I can see I kind of was crazy at the time. He had my world so turned upside down, I didn't know if I was coming or going. Now that I have had the time and space I so desperately needed, I'm fine. A little road-weary, but fine.

I don't mean to blame everything on him and his alcoholism. Well....umm...yea I do. I've been making excuses for him since I met him. He had no right to call me crazy or insinuate that I need a shrink. I have no idea what kind of love that is. Everything was about him and his needs. And he would never discuss his drinking problem. I'm so glad to be out of that situation. Our relationship was very sick. But it sure wasn't ME. Glad you two aren't falling for that.

jlu

My AH... not living with me as of yesterday... told me several times in the past that I was an emotional wacko. Well if you consider that I was going crazy with his using and being gone 3-4 nights a week out 'til sometimes 3am and being pissed about it and crying and not know what to do with my life then ya... I guess I was an emotional wacko!!!

Today I am not.

Dee at Mt Bully

This is too funny--last week I found out my AH wrote a letter to my Dr. saying
that he thought I was having mental lapses and in his opinion I shoul be evauluated
by a physichiatrist. Sooooo funny--this appears to be AH way of shifting the focus.
Since my Dr. knows about AH he called me to ask what gives. We had a good laugh
and my AH tried to wiggle out of his mess. He said he was only worried about me.
Right--LOL--Smiles--Dee

DesertEyes

These druggies are all clones. Mine said I needed a shrink. So I went to one, on her insurance. The shrink listened to me for an hour and told me I didn't need a shrink, that I needed Al-Anon. That pissed off my wife, so she called my cardiologist and told _him_ I needed a shrink. Cardiologist knows how much stress I'm under, but refered me to a shrink anyway just to make peace. So I go to shrink #2 who _also_ told me I don't need a shrink, I need Al-Anon.

Now wifey is seriously put out and demands that I go see _her_ shrink. So I go.

What does wifey's shrink tell me? "I'm so glad you came, have you ever heard of Al-Anon"?

* LMAO *

Mike :-)
(p.s. Not seeing no more shrinks, looking for a sponsor )

Mich

LOL@ Mike.....Yeah mine said the same thing...."your crazy" When I think back...he was right.....OHHHHHH the things I did!! I knew I was out of control, the life I was living was out of control as a result of HIS addiction. I ended up going to a therapist.......ended the relationship and I am no longer crazy....Well....LOL.. I have issues but I am not crazy.

mamasmitty

Oh Mike, That was so funny! My AH has never said I was crazy, but has LOOKED at me like I was. Mostly when I am running around the house doing my chores in the evening, and he is drunk, and I don't want to stop in the middle of what I am doing to hug him the COUNTLESS times that he does every night because he is so insecure! He looks at me like I am crazy or something is wrong with ME!!!

nocellphone

I LOVE it!!!

Dreamsdeferred

Thanks all! It's wonderful to know we haven't lost our ability to laugh.

Dee at Mt Bully

Just wanted to add one more little tid-bit My shrink said insanity can be defined as
doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. WOW
Is that our world or what-----smiles--Dee

Jen

How funny and sad! My AH constantly tells me I'm wacko. Several years back we went to marriage counseling. At that time, I had NO idea my husband was using drugs. The counselor even asked us both and he denied it. I took a psycological evaluation at that time figuring it would save me during my divorce should a custody battle arise and my couselor told me I was just fine!
My AH still accuses me of being a nutcase and I told him, "Yes, I am and it's from living with a drug addict for the last six years". If I did half the things to him and the boys as he's done to us, he certainly would have had me "locked up". Sad thing is....he left his ex-wife for the same exact thing he's doing to us. I will never understand an addict. I just pray I will get through this and that my boys are too young to remember anything later.
At least after visiting SR we now know that's a trait of addicts and I don't let it bother me as much as I used to.

Hang in there!

prodigal

I've had my AH call the police on me because I slammed a door. That's it!! I've never done that before because I generally let his b.s. roll off my back, but the one time I got pissed he called the cops on me! He did so because he told me he was afraid I was going to attempt suicide or perhaps turn on him and attempt to kill him. LOL!!!!!

Jeesh! I've never discussed, attempted, or even thought about suicide, and the accusation that I was going to attempt to kill him .... well, I've heard that load of crap before. So who's the CRAZY and PARANOID one here? Well, duh!!!

Addicts .... they're all nuts!

queenofthehwy

I too am "messed up in the head" and "need to take a pill". ha

myselfagain

I am crazy also...................according to the ex AH

my craziness caused him to drink.

Wheres that shrink?

quackinatme

I'm right here! I'M a shrink, so of course my ex Abf couldn't pull that one on me! His reason why HE was breaking up with ME (yeah, right, that's what happened) was that I want to get married and he "knew I wasn't the woman he wanted to spend his life with". Of COURSE, how silly of me. That's why he called me ten times a day and pledged his love to me every five minutes. But it's so perfect, isn't it...because this way, he gets to feel like he's rejected ME, and of course, what alcohol and cocaine abuse? His outrageous behavior has nothing to do with why HE broke up with ME.

So let's review, according to ex Abf:

I wanted to get married, in general, and he knew that---->he realized on some level he didn't want to marry me---->he treated me shabbily because "it's his time in his life to be selfish right now" and he didn't want to marry me (not because he was perpetually blacked out on weekend binges)---->and even though I left him and told him no xmas together, no weekend away together, time apart, his behavior was inexcusable, etc---->when we spoke on the phone for closure, it was HIM deciding to end things with me.

That makes SO MUCH more sense than my silly interpretation of events!

Quack Quack Quack

canada1

I love coming to this site! I thought I was the only one. I've recently, thanks to attendind Al-Anon meetings, have started to detach myself, and not allow him to "get to me". He, too, is accusing me of not caring anymore. I mean, first he complains when I would yell and cry and plead and generally make an @ss of myself. But now that I'm not doing those things, I'm accused of not loving him. What the hell do they want?! Oh, and I can't count the times that he has told me I need a shrink and that I have issues. He's right. I do have issues. But not the ones he thinks!

cwohio

they want what they want when they want it of course - quite frankly - i don't really think they know what they want!