Forty days of hard work down the toilet...
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Forty days of hard work down the toilet...
As I sit at the kitchen table going over the days' events and trying to put them into words, I'm listening to my boyfriend puking his brains out and followed by the sound of him flushing the toilet. I guess that's better than where he was about an hour or so ago--passed out half on and half off my bed. Today he threw away 40 days of hard work, 40 days of sobriety because I simply asked him to vacuum the living room.
It started out to be a fine day--sunny, warm, and so full of promise. Today was my day off and I had tons of things I wanted to get done. I was working at a fast pace because my AB had asked me to drive him to his AA meeting. So I woke up at 9:00 am and started my chores, cleaning the house up and down, paying the bills, taking down the Christmas tree and the outside decorations.
The house has been a shambles recently, mostly because I've devoted much of my time running him back and forth to his AA meetings. During the week, he takes a cab to a 6:30 meeting. It's a 2-hour meeting, so he's not finished until at least 8:30 and sometimes later. It's a far trek to our home from the meeting (1.5 hours), so I hang around at work for a couple of extra hours, killing time until his meeting is over. It's a 50 mile drive home, so for the last 40 days, we've been arriving home from work at 10:00 pm.
On weekends, it's even worse. I drive him to his meetings, then wait for two hours until the meeting is over, then drive home. The round trip is 3 hours, add in the 2 hours I have to kill while he attends his meetings, and I've just devoted 5 hours on Saturday and again on Sunday to get him to his meetings.
Naturally, that leaves me little time to accomplish any other weekend chores. So today, I had a full plate. The clock was ticking away and soon I'd have to call it a day and take him to a meeting. So around 3:00 I asked him if he minded helping me out by vacuuming the living room. A simple request...
But a simple request that he used as an excuse to throw away his sobriety. He immediately went on the defensive and asked why I didn't ask my daughter to do it. I told him she was at school, so I was asking him. I said that I really could use the help because I was trying to finish up before we left for his meeting. He began to curse at me. I told him that I wasn't trying to start an argument, I just needed him to pitch in a little more because it was difficult for me to keep up with the chores around the house and drive him to his meetings--and not that I was complaining about driving him--I just needed some help. He continued ranting and raving. I pointed out to him that I'd devoted many hours to transporting him to his meetings and I needed him to do a favor for me in return. He refused.
At that point I told him that if he was unwilling to help me out with one small task then I was not willing to drive him to his meeting today. I told him that he's very good at receiving but he gives nothing in return. So I told him if he wanted to go to a meeting he should start making some phone calls.
We went upstairs and spent quite a bit of time on the phone. In a while, he came downstairs, in a very pleasant mood. Said if I would drive him to his meeting that one of his AA buddies would drive him home. I said, "OK, if you need me to drive you over there, are you willing to help me finish up my chores? I'm willing to do it if you're willing to help me." Well, that wasn't the answer he wanted to hear because his demeanor took a 180 and he said FU and stormed out of the room. It was an amazing sight to see...to watch him practice his manipulation skills on me. Skills that don't work anymore. But he kept on trying...
He began to clean the house--to an excessive degree--just to show me how tortured he was. He cleaned for a few hours. Then he sweetly said if I was still willing to drive him to his meeting, he'd find a ride home. I said thank you for helping me out, but I made my decision earlier. I won't drive you to your meeting today.
So I turned my attention towards cooking dinner. An hour or so later, when I called him for dinner, he was stinking drunk. So herein lies my dilema. I want him to leave tonight because I will no longer tolerate him drinking in my home. Only I know he won't leave on his own. So, do I call the police and have them drag him out, take him to a hotel, take him to a shelter, or wait until tomorrow when he's no longer drunk and have him find his own way out?
And while this is an unpleasant situation, something has changed here. I'm not crying or upset. I'm not worried about how I will get along without him. I'm not wondering what will become of him. Whatever path he decides to take is up to him. He will just have to travel that path without me.
It started out to be a fine day--sunny, warm, and so full of promise. Today was my day off and I had tons of things I wanted to get done. I was working at a fast pace because my AB had asked me to drive him to his AA meeting. So I woke up at 9:00 am and started my chores, cleaning the house up and down, paying the bills, taking down the Christmas tree and the outside decorations.
The house has been a shambles recently, mostly because I've devoted much of my time running him back and forth to his AA meetings. During the week, he takes a cab to a 6:30 meeting. It's a 2-hour meeting, so he's not finished until at least 8:30 and sometimes later. It's a far trek to our home from the meeting (1.5 hours), so I hang around at work for a couple of extra hours, killing time until his meeting is over. It's a 50 mile drive home, so for the last 40 days, we've been arriving home from work at 10:00 pm.
On weekends, it's even worse. I drive him to his meetings, then wait for two hours until the meeting is over, then drive home. The round trip is 3 hours, add in the 2 hours I have to kill while he attends his meetings, and I've just devoted 5 hours on Saturday and again on Sunday to get him to his meetings.
Naturally, that leaves me little time to accomplish any other weekend chores. So today, I had a full plate. The clock was ticking away and soon I'd have to call it a day and take him to a meeting. So around 3:00 I asked him if he minded helping me out by vacuuming the living room. A simple request...
But a simple request that he used as an excuse to throw away his sobriety. He immediately went on the defensive and asked why I didn't ask my daughter to do it. I told him she was at school, so I was asking him. I said that I really could use the help because I was trying to finish up before we left for his meeting. He began to curse at me. I told him that I wasn't trying to start an argument, I just needed him to pitch in a little more because it was difficult for me to keep up with the chores around the house and drive him to his meetings--and not that I was complaining about driving him--I just needed some help. He continued ranting and raving. I pointed out to him that I'd devoted many hours to transporting him to his meetings and I needed him to do a favor for me in return. He refused.
At that point I told him that if he was unwilling to help me out with one small task then I was not willing to drive him to his meeting today. I told him that he's very good at receiving but he gives nothing in return. So I told him if he wanted to go to a meeting he should start making some phone calls.
We went upstairs and spent quite a bit of time on the phone. In a while, he came downstairs, in a very pleasant mood. Said if I would drive him to his meeting that one of his AA buddies would drive him home. I said, "OK, if you need me to drive you over there, are you willing to help me finish up my chores? I'm willing to do it if you're willing to help me." Well, that wasn't the answer he wanted to hear because his demeanor took a 180 and he said FU and stormed out of the room. It was an amazing sight to see...to watch him practice his manipulation skills on me. Skills that don't work anymore. But he kept on trying...
He began to clean the house--to an excessive degree--just to show me how tortured he was. He cleaned for a few hours. Then he sweetly said if I was still willing to drive him to his meeting, he'd find a ride home. I said thank you for helping me out, but I made my decision earlier. I won't drive you to your meeting today.
So I turned my attention towards cooking dinner. An hour or so later, when I called him for dinner, he was stinking drunk. So herein lies my dilema. I want him to leave tonight because I will no longer tolerate him drinking in my home. Only I know he won't leave on his own. So, do I call the police and have them drag him out, take him to a hotel, take him to a shelter, or wait until tomorrow when he's no longer drunk and have him find his own way out?
And while this is an unpleasant situation, something has changed here. I'm not crying or upset. I'm not worried about how I will get along without him. I'm not wondering what will become of him. Whatever path he decides to take is up to him. He will just have to travel that path without me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: US
Posts: 316
And you KNOW, I know that you KNOW that this is not because YOU asked him to do anything.
And you sound like you are ready to do something.
Wake up with a clear head and think about what YOU need to do.
All that driving has got to stop. There are alternatives that HE can think of.
I know that you KNOW that you have done all that you can and should do.
I wish you tons of positive energy and you are in my prayers. It is sad and disappointing and frustrating that this is happening. And you know that YOU are the most important person to take care of, eh?
Jenny
And you sound like you are ready to do something.
Wake up with a clear head and think about what YOU need to do.
All that driving has got to stop. There are alternatives that HE can think of.
I know that you KNOW that you have done all that you can and should do.
I wish you tons of positive energy and you are in my prayers. It is sad and disappointing and frustrating that this is happening. And you know that YOU are the most important person to take care of, eh?
Jenny
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Of course he didn't drink because you asked him to vacuum.!
But you sound pretty good.
Get a good night's sleep, work on your plan tomorrow.
It's nearly always that way, the harder we are to manipulate, the harder they try.
But the games get old. And after a long time of distance for me, BORING. Same sh!t, different day.
hugs,
live
But you sound pretty good.
Get a good night's sleep, work on your plan tomorrow.
It's nearly always that way, the harder we are to manipulate, the harder they try.
But the games get old. And after a long time of distance for me, BORING. Same sh!t, different day.
hugs,
live
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
former doormat, I don't think I can be of much help, all my relationships sound pretty much the same way... me all give, and nothing coming back... That's why there aren't many other women's lives that I would trade mine with... Even with all the woe I have, they either have the same as me or worse. I can count on my one hand, MAYBE on my other hand, how many relationships thru the years (and I am 53) that I would Trade my life with... Not Many...
he was probably brewing for a drink for a while, if it wasn't the housework, it would have been something else... I went thru the driving a b/f around to the meetings, and he had a certain amt of time to do it in and of course he waited... and we drove around like crazy... and he was still drinking and going to them, ugh that's how much that does... So with a 2nd dui, someone else will have to do it...
For myself, I haven't quite figured out how to get him out of here. He's away this week, but what about next week
I'm thinking on doing something he really dislikes, so he doesn't want to be around 
Because as I said before, in my previous relationships (marriages thou), I lived in their places, so I was the one that had to move. Not so this time, I could move, if I wanted to, but like where I'm at, can afford it, and it's hard finding places... Wish him luck on getting a place, he's going to need it... I'll be hoping you will find your solution.
he was probably brewing for a drink for a while, if it wasn't the housework, it would have been something else... I went thru the driving a b/f around to the meetings, and he had a certain amt of time to do it in and of course he waited... and we drove around like crazy... and he was still drinking and going to them, ugh that's how much that does... So with a 2nd dui, someone else will have to do it...
For myself, I haven't quite figured out how to get him out of here. He's away this week, but what about next week
I'm thinking on doing something he really dislikes, so he doesn't want to be around Because as I said before, in my previous relationships (marriages thou), I lived in their places, so I was the one that had to move. Not so this time, I could move, if I wanted to, but like where I'm at, can afford it, and it's hard finding places... Wish him luck on getting a place, he's going to need it... I'll be hoping you will find your solution.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
