What do you think I should do???
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Provo, UT
Posts: 2
What do you think I should do???
Hey guys...
I am an 18 year old girl, going to college in my second semester. Life is good....or at least it is supposed to be. I am the daughter of an alcoholic father. A father who is a great man, when he is sober....but much like Jekyll and Hyde, can become a raving maniac when he is drinking. Throughout my childhood, I have seen many things....things most people have no idea about.
First before I tell you my story I want you to know, I have it good, don't feel sorry for me ok. I hate that...and I don't want you or anyone else for that matter to. Many people have it worse....save your sympathy for them.
Ok...on with the story. Anyway, my childhood was a little rough, never knowing the next time he was going to blow up, or freak out. My mother was a nervous wreck much of the time...and we were all scared (including my Dad who was scared of himself). The funny this is, is that I am the oldest...and therefore the one that the resposbility falls on. I was the "protector" of my Mom and little sister. I was the one that distracted Dad when he got mad... the one who took the blame...for everything...so they could just get out of the way. That was my role, and one I just accepted. When I was in the fifth grade, my Mom got fed up, completely. She packed my little sister and I up, and moved us to live in Utah with my grandparents (we live in Illinois). My Dad went to rehab, and supposedly things were going to get better. But he was only sober the thirty or so days he "had to be." He then begged my Mom to come home, so we did. Things were good, and we thought it had stopped. Well, needless to say, it hadn't. He was still drinking....although hiding it very well. To this day, he does it and hides it....but he isn't smart enough for me. He changes he goes from the loving Daddy...who is my very best friend...to someone, who is scary, and out of control. I find his empty beer cans, and smell it on his breath. That scares me. My Mother knows....but, doesn't do anything about it. I am scared...this disease is going to tear my family apart. I am now enrolled in college (in Utah! which I wasn't sure of at first....I thought it might make his drinking worse....or that any number of things could happen, like he might kill my Mom and little sister if I was gone, but I finally decided to do what is best for me, for once) and trying to live my life. I am 18 for crying out loud...and out on my own. But the images and feelings of my childhood still run rampant in my mind. I recently went home for Christmas, to find beer cans in our garage. I can't tell you how this breaks my heart. It makes me literally sick. Sometimes I can't concentrate...because I am so worried. It eats me up inside.....it really does. And no matter what I do, it is always the same. My mother wants me to see a psychologist...or a counselor. She says...that all the anger...and hurt, all those bad feelings about what has happened....she says they are going to eat me alive, or make me explode. But I am not to keen on the idea. I would like to think I have pretty good control of my life....and that I don't need...help. Besides who needs to hear about my problems? But she is persistent. Just thought I would ask for some advice. Anyway....there is my story...in a very condensed nutshell. I hope you have some advice for me...
Thanks....
Shae
I am an 18 year old girl, going to college in my second semester. Life is good....or at least it is supposed to be. I am the daughter of an alcoholic father. A father who is a great man, when he is sober....but much like Jekyll and Hyde, can become a raving maniac when he is drinking. Throughout my childhood, I have seen many things....things most people have no idea about.
First before I tell you my story I want you to know, I have it good, don't feel sorry for me ok. I hate that...and I don't want you or anyone else for that matter to. Many people have it worse....save your sympathy for them.
Ok...on with the story. Anyway, my childhood was a little rough, never knowing the next time he was going to blow up, or freak out. My mother was a nervous wreck much of the time...and we were all scared (including my Dad who was scared of himself). The funny this is, is that I am the oldest...and therefore the one that the resposbility falls on. I was the "protector" of my Mom and little sister. I was the one that distracted Dad when he got mad... the one who took the blame...for everything...so they could just get out of the way. That was my role, and one I just accepted. When I was in the fifth grade, my Mom got fed up, completely. She packed my little sister and I up, and moved us to live in Utah with my grandparents (we live in Illinois). My Dad went to rehab, and supposedly things were going to get better. But he was only sober the thirty or so days he "had to be." He then begged my Mom to come home, so we did. Things were good, and we thought it had stopped. Well, needless to say, it hadn't. He was still drinking....although hiding it very well. To this day, he does it and hides it....but he isn't smart enough for me. He changes he goes from the loving Daddy...who is my very best friend...to someone, who is scary, and out of control. I find his empty beer cans, and smell it on his breath. That scares me. My Mother knows....but, doesn't do anything about it. I am scared...this disease is going to tear my family apart. I am now enrolled in college (in Utah! which I wasn't sure of at first....I thought it might make his drinking worse....or that any number of things could happen, like he might kill my Mom and little sister if I was gone, but I finally decided to do what is best for me, for once) and trying to live my life. I am 18 for crying out loud...and out on my own. But the images and feelings of my childhood still run rampant in my mind. I recently went home for Christmas, to find beer cans in our garage. I can't tell you how this breaks my heart. It makes me literally sick. Sometimes I can't concentrate...because I am so worried. It eats me up inside.....it really does. And no matter what I do, it is always the same. My mother wants me to see a psychologist...or a counselor. She says...that all the anger...and hurt, all those bad feelings about what has happened....she says they are going to eat me alive, or make me explode. But I am not to keen on the idea. I would like to think I have pretty good control of my life....and that I don't need...help. Besides who needs to hear about my problems? But she is persistent. Just thought I would ask for some advice. Anyway....there is my story...in a very condensed nutshell. I hope you have some advice for me...
Thanks....
Shae
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hey Shae,
Being the child of an alcoholic means we have past (and maybe present) hurt to deal with. And until we deal with it, and let it heal, we will carry it around with us. Some people find help in ACOA meetings. Some people find help in counseling. There are many paths on the road to recovery. One thing is certain. Not dealing with it will only keep you stagnant.
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm glad you found us. Stick around.
Gabe
Being the child of an alcoholic means we have past (and maybe present) hurt to deal with. And until we deal with it, and let it heal, we will carry it around with us. Some people find help in ACOA meetings. Some people find help in counseling. There are many paths on the road to recovery. One thing is certain. Not dealing with it will only keep you stagnant.
Welcome to Sober Recovery. I'm glad you found us. Stick around.
Gabe
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Cambridge, MA
Posts: 1
I can completely relate to you. Thanks for sharing your thought.
I know a friend who has transformed himself from alcoholic addict to a tea addict
He supposedly got hooked with the Japanese tea. He said it calms him. I tried and it works when I'm too absorbed with inner battles. A moment of ZEN I suppose.
http://www.teanobi.com
I know a friend who has transformed himself from alcoholic addict to a tea addict
He supposedly got hooked with the Japanese tea. He said it calms him. I tried and it works when I'm too absorbed with inner battles. A moment of ZEN I suppose.
http://www.teanobi.com
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Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Massillon, Ohio
Posts: 387
Welcome Shae. My dad is also an alcoholic and i am 19 years old and i am a senior in high school. I hope you stick around. you will find help and support on these message boards and just remember you are not alone in what you are feeling.
Love,
Shana, 19
Love,
Shana, 19
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