Grimnar

....to live.

This was my first night in a while without turning to beer to try and fix things or make me feel better.

It's 1:38am and I am going to bed soon. No cravings yet.

I think I already have in place a good support system but why not use this site as well?

I am (or was!) a "lone drinker". I almost never drank with other people. I didn't think about it (or do it) during the day. I wouldn't start until after 10pm.

Haven't lost my job, haven't driven drunk, money is pretty good, never been in jail or any of that. But my face is getting redder (will this go away and how soon?) and I think I have uric acid buildup in my feet.

I did have a good physical about 9 months ago and the bloodwork and such came back pretty good (no red flags). And yes, I was very up front with the Dr. that I was battling alcohol addiction. I should have stopped then but.... well, haven't we all said that before? So I am going to get some time behind me and go back to see her.

I am married but the wife is not really supporting me in this. As long as I bring home the money, she is happy. She won't go to meetings herself and doesn't want to talk things out. That's okay I guess. We have other issues and divorce has been looming for a while now (years). This just seems like icing on the cake. My therapist is of the opinion that being around the wife isn't doing me any good anyway.

I have been seeing a therapist as well as attending meetings when I can. Having someone rat me out in public though kind of jaded AA for me. Probably an isolated case but still....

My big issues (since childhood) is that I have self-love, self-esteem, and confidence issues. I always had to have someone with me to back me up. No longer. Support is nice but only in healthy way. Being with someone because you (me) are scared of being alone is not a healthy way to live I found out.

Long way to go but I am willing to start with small steps.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Questions?

- Grimnar

Brookie

Welcome Gimnar - I relate to that a lot in your post. I can also understand how your AA experience soured you. That's unfortunate, but it is rare in my limited experience. I hope you'll give it another try, or find another program you can relate to so you don't have to do this alone. As you suggest, this isn't easy without a support system in place.

Best,
Joe

In memory of miracle

You have made a good decision and found a great place for help and support.I hope you made it through the nite! Let us know and keep posting! Bless,Trish

Grimnar

Thanks Joe and Trish!

I made it throught the first night pretty well. I could have slept longer this morning but I had to get up for work. Maybe tomorrow I can get more sleep since it's Saturday.

Going for night #2 tonight. Late evenings are always the worst time for me.

Dan

Hi Grimnar, and welcome.
Plug yourself in here tonight. Many evenings I found the support I needed here.
And a gentle suggestion...
If you're like me, going home a different way, bypassing the beer stores on your way back from work, might just be the best thing you do for yourself on this second day.
Glad you're here.

Grimnar

Dan, thanks for the suggestions.

I can usually drive by the stores without a problem.

I plan on sticking around as long as you all will put up with me.

chase

Grim,
Good luck. I dont know a whole lot about this board yet but I get the sense everyone is genuine and does truly care. Stick around.

god speed w/ you tonight

Grimnar

Thanks Chase! You too.

2dayzmuse

(((Grimnar))) (((Chase)))

Welcome...you've both come to a terrific board. It's help me in more ways then I can express. Strength in numbers. I'm looking forward in sharing ES&H with you. Good luck...

Grimnar

Thank you for the welcome!

Now..... what is ES&H??

2dayzmuse

Experience,Strength & Hope.

kckman

Glad you are here Grimnar how is your evening going?

Grimnar

I am doing pretty good. Some craving but not too much. I am home, the stores are closed so I am safe for the night.

Feeling a bit anxious about the future but I can't contol that so I am trying to let it go.

Thanks for asking.

gonzo

Grimnar, Welcome.
You will have found a very supportive group of people. Many nights/mornings I come here for the reality check that brings me out of my slump. I gain more by reading the posts of people that really understand....
Good luck to you.
Ps, my sister's husband has 2 years in and He goes to meetings regularly. But ,my sister doesnt attend Any, Not his or alanon.. Although she supports him in his recovery.
It's different for everyone...
Nite, Cindy

CAPTAINZING2000

Lol It Gets Real For Sure, That Separates The Men And Women From The Girls And Boys.

The Acid Test

Welcome To The Site

Chris

Grimnar

Thanks Cindy & Chris.

Night 4.

It's hard.

Dang hard.

A rough past couple of days but that is my own doing I suppose.

My co-dependancy on other people (women) is hard to accept. I need to learn I cannot control how others act.

Grimnar

Well, I messed up.

I let a very emotional situation get the better of me (co-dependency for sure).

I could try and explain the reason for it but that doesn't really matter now. I didn't go too far overboard though. I realized that what I was doing wasn't going to help and I stopped.

I am not going to beat myself up over it. In fact, if possible, I think I learned something from it (as I told someone here).

So here I go again. I plan on hitting a meeting on Thursday after work.

Thanks for listening.

Grimnar

*sigh*

Can anyone advise me how to get into the open chatroom?

Do I need to register a new name and password?

I can't get in with this name and password.

2dayzmuse

Go into chat and click on register. You need to register the first time you go into the room. Use the same name and password you used to join SR.

Grimnar

Thanks! I'll try it now.