Down Tonight
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Northern , CA.
Posts: 42
Down Tonight
Its 9:00 and I'm nearing my fourth week(saturday).
This is so hard. I have depression. I take medication. I'm trying to deal with my sadness with out drinking. I'm trying to explain to my "friends"/co-workers
That I would have a drink if I could say that i didn't NEED a drink....But since I still feel like I NEED it I wont Have one.... Does that make sense?
I feel parinoid at work that they are talking about me... turns out last night they went out for drinks and did. decided what part of my job today someone else would do, To make it "easier " for me. After I didnt sleep all night psyching myself up for how I was going to deal with today.
So I go to work and they say " so and so will do that today.... I was so pissed off!
I said next time you get together to talk about me , I'd like to be included...! So instead of being prepared I was taken aback. Feeling stupider than each night before...
I hate the way I feel. But at least i'm choosing to feel, Right??
Sorry this is so long , but i want to cry. so i'm gonna go now...
thanks for letting me vent.
This is so hard. I have depression. I take medication. I'm trying to deal with my sadness with out drinking. I'm trying to explain to my "friends"/co-workers
That I would have a drink if I could say that i didn't NEED a drink....But since I still feel like I NEED it I wont Have one.... Does that make sense?
I feel parinoid at work that they are talking about me... turns out last night they went out for drinks and did. decided what part of my job today someone else would do, To make it "easier " for me. After I didnt sleep all night psyching myself up for how I was going to deal with today.
So I go to work and they say " so and so will do that today.... I was so pissed off!
I said next time you get together to talk about me , I'd like to be included...! So instead of being prepared I was taken aback. Feeling stupider than each night before...
I hate the way I feel. But at least i'm choosing to feel, Right??
Sorry this is so long , but i want to cry. so i'm gonna go now...
thanks for letting me vent.
Psalm 118:24
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: ILLINOIS
Posts: 15,203
Cindy,
did u ever think about going to a meeting?? I feel like a brand new person when I go to one. I can offer suggestions but , i need to know more. What is going on in your life? Do you have family problems? Is it just job related? It's not easy working around snobs and A holes that's 4 sure. You want to talk about it?? We're here 4 each other
love
chris
did u ever think about going to a meeting?? I feel like a brand new person when I go to one. I can offer suggestions but , i need to know more. What is going on in your life? Do you have family problems? Is it just job related? It's not easy working around snobs and A holes that's 4 sure. You want to talk about it?? We're here 4 each other
love
chris
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Gonzo,
I'm sorry things are hard for you. There's so much more to being sober than not drinking. What kind of changes have you made in your life? I believe that it's crucial to make changes in how you live and who you are. I had to do (and still do) a lot of work about my attitude, my beliefs and my outlook on life. Also, if you've just recently starting taking meds they may not have begun to work yet. If that's not the case, you might consider talking to your dr about changing the med.
Hang in there.
Love, Anna
I'm sorry things are hard for you. There's so much more to being sober than not drinking. What kind of changes have you made in your life? I believe that it's crucial to make changes in how you live and who you are. I had to do (and still do) a lot of work about my attitude, my beliefs and my outlook on life. Also, if you've just recently starting taking meds they may not have begun to work yet. If that's not the case, you might consider talking to your dr about changing the med.
Hang in there.
Love, Anna
In Memory Of
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Connecticut.
Posts: 3,736
Gonzo-( great name ) I am sorry you are feeling so sad! Someday's I just have to move a muscle change a thought and just keep going.Hang on to your sober days,each one is precious.Bless,Trish
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Northern , CA.
Posts: 42
Thanks to you all.
Last night I decided I was the one who needed to change my attitude. So, I read some chapters of the many books i have (serenity,24 hours a day, faith to faith, Daily inspirations, and the big book) I take a little nibble out of each every day.Any way, I took the high road and went to work today and apologized to my co-workers for over-reacting. I know they had my "best interest" in mind. I also said I don't want to be the problem child anymore....So , Hopefully I can walk in there every day with my head high. I felt better today. ( almost rewarded myself with a drink!) But I didn't.. : )
I think I know that some of these people will move on if I wont come out and play anymore... Bummer for them , cause I'm the funny one !
Love to all, Peace
Cindy
Last night I decided I was the one who needed to change my attitude. So, I read some chapters of the many books i have (serenity,24 hours a day, faith to faith, Daily inspirations, and the big book) I take a little nibble out of each every day.Any way, I took the high road and went to work today and apologized to my co-workers for over-reacting. I know they had my "best interest" in mind. I also said I don't want to be the problem child anymore....So , Hopefully I can walk in there every day with my head high. I felt better today. ( almost rewarded myself with a drink!) But I didn't.. : )
I think I know that some of these people will move on if I wont come out and play anymore... Bummer for them , cause I'm the funny one !
Love to all, Peace
Cindy
Vision of Hope
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Living on This side of the green!!
Posts: 1,057
Hang in there, don't worry about everyday, worry about today. These people cared enough to help you. The disease want us to react, its ok to respond life will go on. It does even if we don't change our perception or not. You will do ok. Make some meetings, find some people doing this recovery thing and ask them how they did it. you can do it.
Todd J.
Todd J.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: midwest
Posts: 148
Choosing to feel. I like that. Maybe let them take a load off for a while, they are trying to help. At least you still have the job. And you will take over soon and be wonderful. Maybe I'm not reading this right but seems like they are trying to help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Northern , CA.
Posts: 42
Thanks, MB & Todd,
You are right they are trying to help. I have so much to work on. and I haven't gotten to a meeting, Yet. This message board is my meeting...But I do go to my counseling appts and I have an MD managing my meds.
And the Job I had to do on Thursdauy was one that had me working alone 10 hours with the person that I had my most hurtful experience, that led me to want to stop drinking.
So, I had the oppurtunity to be direct and after a discussion I felt we resolved the issue, So that I can move forward instead of dreading each day.
So, I really needed to face myself and although they were trying to help, I wouldnt have had that oppourtunity... Make sense ?
Any hoo I feel like that weight is off my shoulders.
Thanks again for this outlet.
I made it to four weeks today since my last drink. : )
and I'm learning how to find faith....Something I've never had..
Love to all my friends here, Cindy
You are right they are trying to help. I have so much to work on. and I haven't gotten to a meeting, Yet. This message board is my meeting...But I do go to my counseling appts and I have an MD managing my meds.
And the Job I had to do on Thursdauy was one that had me working alone 10 hours with the person that I had my most hurtful experience, that led me to want to stop drinking.
So, I had the oppurtunity to be direct and after a discussion I felt we resolved the issue, So that I can move forward instead of dreading each day.
So, I really needed to face myself and although they were trying to help, I wouldnt have had that oppourtunity... Make sense ?
Any hoo I feel like that weight is off my shoulders.
Thanks again for this outlet.
I made it to four weeks today since my last drink. : )
and I'm learning how to find faith....Something I've never had..
Love to all my friends here, Cindy
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
