what weird day... or not ?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: PTY - Panama
Posts: 37
what weird day... or not ?
well howdy...
today somthing strange happened, I was finally able to reach out and say "I need help", I woke all hung over feeling like crap, like I didnt deserve to live or somthing like that, u must know and I dont wanna get into the negative stuff, and I remembered this guy from groups, I really just needed somebody to talk to... and I called him, its weird that I had lost all the group ppl phone numbers except for his number, basically because he wrote it on my NA book, well the thing is that I went to grab a bite with him and told him that I needed help. although the only words I was able to say were "I need... help, I cant... STOP". thats cuz I remembered I read here someone saying about sharing those feelings of wanting to use and stuff. so we, he, talked about when he was first getting into the progam. and he asked me what would I think about getting into a recovery house and I said that I was willing to do anything, so he helped me get the info on that and tomorrow morning I'm departing for a 28 days program.
and OMG there are so many things going on thru my head. I know its gonna be hell. but man... I'm willing to try ANYTHING to stop the pain. so here am I, happy ? or afraid ? or maybe both. I really dont know what to except there. but if anyones up and willing to chat to fill me with som info would be nice.
and now I think, I was just one call away, all this time but didnt had the courage to do it. I dunno thats weird. I'm thinking could this have been my HP working out things ?
well anyways. see ya in about 28 days...
today somthing strange happened, I was finally able to reach out and say "I need help", I woke all hung over feeling like crap, like I didnt deserve to live or somthing like that, u must know and I dont wanna get into the negative stuff, and I remembered this guy from groups, I really just needed somebody to talk to... and I called him, its weird that I had lost all the group ppl phone numbers except for his number, basically because he wrote it on my NA book, well the thing is that I went to grab a bite with him and told him that I needed help. although the only words I was able to say were "I need... help, I cant... STOP". thats cuz I remembered I read here someone saying about sharing those feelings of wanting to use and stuff. so we, he, talked about when he was first getting into the progam. and he asked me what would I think about getting into a recovery house and I said that I was willing to do anything, so he helped me get the info on that and tomorrow morning I'm departing for a 28 days program.
and OMG there are so many things going on thru my head. I know its gonna be hell. but man... I'm willing to try ANYTHING to stop the pain. so here am I, happy ? or afraid ? or maybe both. I really dont know what to except there. but if anyones up and willing to chat to fill me with som info would be nice.
and now I think, I was just one call away, all this time but didnt had the courage to do it. I dunno thats weird. I'm thinking could this have been my HP working out things ?
well anyways. see ya in about 28 days...
No expectations!
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 8,732
((((Brutal Truth))))
Hugs and Prayers!
Hugs and Prayers!
Do check in when you get back, OK? It won't be hell like it would be if you tried to do it on your own! Congratulations on getting help! See you later.
Love and more hugs,
Eddie
1 bite&all resistance crumbles
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: IRELAND
Posts: 2,208
(((Brutal Truth)))
What a brave thing you've done! When I hear you say you're willing to do anything, it gives me a good feeling! You're doing the right thing!!! Please update us, it will be hard but so worthwhile...and you don't need to do it again, that's the best part!
Well done!
Cathy
What a brave thing you've done! When I hear you say you're willing to do anything, it gives me a good feeling! You're doing the right thing!!! Please update us, it will be hard but so worthwhile...and you don't need to do it again, that's the best part!
Well done!
Cathy
Giving up control
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Beckley, WV
Posts: 97
I don't have much to say being new myself but I want you to know that you have a lot of support here. I'll be looking foward to hearing from you when you get back..... Good Luck!!!!!!! With Love, Susan
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: PTY - Panama
Posts: 37
I'm back!!!
OMG!!!....
I thought I was going from 28 days... but I had just got back home... 2 months LATER!!! hahahaha but it was good....
I gotta admit it was not easy... I almost drop it off and leave but somthing got me there hanging. I cant belive, or maybe I can, all the things I had to work out there... resentments, traumatic experiences, the steps. it was a living hell, kind of... for the first month... that was when I just couldnt hold it anymore so I had to let go. but at the end I found so much relief in knowing that most things in life are out of my control, maybe thats what kept me going.
so today when I got back home first thing I did was to go to a meeting and I was feeling, I was actually feeling, happy. so happy that I thought my heart was gonna come out of my chest, and that instantaneously reminded me of those time in which I would go out and use to shot it off. that made me realize how true it was that thing they told me when I was leaving. to be carefull cuz I cant handle intense emotions. so now is when the real thing begins when I start to apply my program, to accept life on life terms. and I gotta admit that I still feel some fear, but I have confidence in that a power greater than myself would show me the way.
I dont know what else to say but that today I'm happy
I thought I was going from 28 days... but I had just got back home... 2 months LATER!!! hahahaha but it was good....
I gotta admit it was not easy... I almost drop it off and leave but somthing got me there hanging. I cant belive, or maybe I can, all the things I had to work out there... resentments, traumatic experiences, the steps. it was a living hell, kind of... for the first month... that was when I just couldnt hold it anymore so I had to let go. but at the end I found so much relief in knowing that most things in life are out of my control, maybe thats what kept me going.
so today when I got back home first thing I did was to go to a meeting and I was feeling, I was actually feeling, happy. so happy that I thought my heart was gonna come out of my chest, and that instantaneously reminded me of those time in which I would go out and use to shot it off. that made me realize how true it was that thing they told me when I was leaving. to be carefull cuz I cant handle intense emotions. so now is when the real thing begins when I start to apply my program, to accept life on life terms. and I gotta admit that I still feel some fear, but I have confidence in that a power greater than myself would show me the way.
I dont know what else to say but that today I'm happy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: CA
Posts: 307
Welcome back Brutal Truth!
I only have 28 days and am in the program as well. I needed to hear something you said: "the real thing begins when I start to apply my program, to accept life on life's terms". I am struggling with accepting life on life's terms tonight. I seem to have it in my head that if I don't get life on my terms, I won't get what I need to live. Convincing myself to accept is hard tonight.
Anyway, good to have you here and keep posting and let us know how you are doing!
I only have 28 days and am in the program as well. I needed to hear something you said: "the real thing begins when I start to apply my program, to accept life on life's terms". I am struggling with accepting life on life's terms tonight. I seem to have it in my head that if I don't get life on my terms, I won't get what I need to live. Convincing myself to accept is hard tonight.
Anyway, good to have you here and keep posting and let us know how you are doing!
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