susan_17

......... SO BAD! I know that it won't make anything better in the long run, but I feel so bad right now. I feel like I am about to explode, my skin just crawls. I hate this so much, I hate it! Why and how did I get myself into such a state. The crazy thing is that my mind keeps telling me I'm not an alcoholic- then why would I need a drink so bad, ya know? I am crazy these days. I really need some hope and strength right now. I went to the meeting in town tonight but couldn't speak up because I felt so stupid going back after relapsing. After the meeting I left right away instead of talking. That was the wrong thing to do but at the time the craving wasn't present. Now that I am home (I live alone) it has hit stonger than ever. I wonder if I will ever get a grip on this disease. This recovery stuff gets harder every time I go back out. You'd think by now I would have learned, I guess thats the baffling aspect of it. Thanks to all of you that have contacted me and repiled it means more than you'll ever know! With love, Susan

Dan

An alcoholic who wants a drink...
Imagine that. If it's any consolation Susan, I want one too.
No, I'm lying. What I want is more like 7 or 20. I can't be sure. The only thing I can be sure of is that I won't be able to stop if I start. I'm positive of that. And I still have enough brain cells left to be able to recall what's going to happen later tonight, or tomorrow morning, or afternoon, if I start drinking now.
If it's physical withdrawal you're experiencing right now, take your mind off it somehow.
Hot bath, cold shower, a walk, a jog, a bookstore, a coffee shop, another meeting.
Anything. Just don't take the first one.
Just for tonight.
You can make it to bedtime.
I know you can.

grotto_c

I am in the same boat, sober since 12/31 but today is a bad day

cravings are killing me

Anna

Hi Susan and Grotto,

Listen to my good friend Dan. He is full of wisdom. You've both found a good place for support and the main thing is just don't give in to the cravings. Do anything to take your mind off drinking for a few moments. The only way to gain strength is to not give in.

Hang in there.

Love, Anna

Dan

Hi grotto, and welcome.
Anna is too kind. The only thing I'm really full of is fear of experiencing what I did the last few years I drank. We all have our war stories. I've come to a point where I don't want to add to the list. I found help here at SoberRecovery, and with other alcoholics and addicts in AA and NA.
So welcome, fellow Ontarian.
I spent ten years in Toronto.
Quite a bunch of us here actually.

kckman

Susan and Grotto, you want to drink? I too know that longing. Like Dan said... think that drink through to the inevidble ending. It is easy to give into that desire but there is always going to be the morning after. Hang in there dont drink a moment at a time. It will pass try to be patient. Keep us posted good luck.

exlibris

Hello Susan and grotto. I'm glad you're here.

Dan has some great advice. If I had cravings that didn't want to go, I would just eat. When I had a full stomach, the cravings would stop. I hope it works for you!

Hang in there!

Richard

1Marty

Hello Susan and Grotto! It gets better with time. Just don't drink today.

Chy

Hang tight, get used to those white knuckles, breath, find a means of support. We're here for you and you CAN do this!

KelKel

(((Susan))) (((Grotto)))
Hang tight you two...
try to stay right in the moment...
eating some protein would be helpful.
Think that drink through...where it would REALLY take you.
It does get easier, but you have to work for it.

Brookie

Yeah - I know that feeling too. Welcome Susan and Grotto. Coming here for support was a good step. How are you doing now?

Joe

jlo34

Hi Susan and Grotto,
Susan - I'm so proud of you for going to the meeting. Go again today, tell them how you felt (are feeling). You're probably going to end up with a whole bunch of phone numbers (women's) before you leave. Use those when the cravings (ism) starts talking...you can call or meet them somewhere and chat - the gift of gab is a wonder. Hope you're doing ok, send me another PM, I won't be checking in until later this afternoon; got a full plate this AM and early afternoon; but I'll be waiting to hear how you're doing. THinking about you and praying for you, sweetie. You can do it. I know you can. Pray.
Love, prayers, and lots of hugs,
Jen

Gr8ful1

Susan and Grotto,

ITS NOT THE CABOOSE THAT KILLS YOU, ITS THE LOCAMOTIVE (aka: the first drink).

Pray, Meditate, call someone, place a response post on this forum to HELP someone else out, go to a meeting

and remember: all we've got is:

Right Here and Right Now, because it's ALWAYS Right Here and Right Now.

Peace

chrys

I remember when I was perhaps 3 weeks sober, being on a family vacation to another state. A person in our group asked if we could run up to the store. The nearest store caught my eye because the store sign had my last name on it. "Smith's Corner store" Turned out to be a "state run" liquor store. I was surrounded on three sides by coolers and bottles. Couldn't get out of there fast enough. The only way I drove on down the road was to remember my last drunk and the reasons I decided to get sober in the first place.

Best to you. I have been sober now 2 1/2 years and I am grateful to say, "No thank you. I don't drink".

Peace.

kimberwing

LOL hell yeah me too, and throw a bottle of painkillers on top of it! Thanks for putting things in perspective!

Whew....thank goodness for this site, my sponsor and my recovering friends who I'm "phone stalking" at the moment. I didn't go through multiple treatments and a totally screwed up life to turn my back on the light at the end of the tunnel.

Call some recovering friends, go to meetings and take it minute by minute - or second by second if need be. I've also found that this site is really good for distracting me from my addictive thoughts.

From one newbie to another....I'm rooting for you, and you'll be in my prayers.

PS Think that the reason so many "northerners" (hmmmm....I'm actually a yankee transplant living in the South) are here is because the lack of an NHL season has screwed up our lives and caused us to want to drink? Just a theory I'm testing.....

Tommyh

question is,am i going to take that drink or not
thats a question we all have to look at every day
me?hell no,not today
whats your answer?

dave

hell, hang on there.Drink a lot of water you,ll feel better in the long run.I fell off after 3 months of not drinking awhile ago because my mind told me i was having a ****** day and nobody had it this bad.So i,m back at it again trying to stay sober to i think in a day or two you,ll feel great if you dont have that drink.So hang on and keep talking about your problems,cravings it helps.I wish yyou the best of luck.......

susan_17

Thanks for the replies. I know most of us want another drink but I have been told that you should "tell" on your disease so thats just what I did. I needed to vent and after doing so I felt much better. I'd rather put feeelings like this out on the table than holding things inside until I blow up. I find the more I talk about wanting to use the less powerful the urge becomes. I am still hanging in, hanging out, and holding on! With Love, Susan

Dan

Absolutely!
Telling on myself is the first line of defense against the first drink sometimes.
I've come to believe that I can be my own worst enemy in sobriety.
But I can also be the best asset.
My own story, not glossed over, is enough to stop me from drinking today.
The choice of what I listen to is mine.

Tommyh

glad to hear it Susan
for years I drank cause of my feelings,now I find,I need to keep feelings out of it if at all possible.
best wishes to you and keep coming back
tommy