susan_17

I am new to this web-site, although not new to the program. I was first introduced to AA October of 2003. I haven't managed to stay sober but months at a time, then relapse. I have been buried in the program at times; had a sponser, worked steps, read the Big Book, prayed, meditated, daily readings, went to meetings, even chaired for a while, etc.... Then that dreadful day comes that I drink again. Total, complete insanity!!!!!! It brings me to my knees every time. This has been the longest I have been out since first coming around. I am in really bad shape, two days sober today. My heart has been pounding out of my chest, I am shaky inside and out, my head aches, and I want to drink so freak'in bad I can hardley stand it. I have dug myself into a deep hole again and for those of you reading this that have a few 24hrs. I tell ya it DOESN"T get better! I have that stupid obsession that one day I will be able to control my drinking, yet prove myself wrong time and time again. I know the program works and I can't go on drinking. I dropped to my knees and begged for God to help me- surrendering once again. I called my old friends in the program and will be at a meeting tonight. I am scared and just try to keep in mind, only today I have to get through. The first month has always been the hardest on me, but trying to stay drunk is almost harder. I have messed up everything, it's just not worth it. I remember the serenity and peace I had before and I want it back more than anything in the world. I want God in my life and friends again. I've missed the fellowship although have had to much pride until now to go back. I guess that sums it up. I am too excited to have discovered this web-site ( I think it's a God thing) I look forward to meeting you all... Your all in my thoughts and prayers, Susan

funposse

Hi Susan... I'll tell you what they told me, just go do something... shovel snow, read, watch TV, or stay here online... there are plenty of nice experienced people here... go for a walk... work out... good luck...

Mandybabes

Susan, welcome. I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Just remember you never want to detox again, it is too painful. You are probably almost over the worst. l like you have relapsed several times but this is the last. It has to be. There are so many success stories here you will be inspired. So many people say it better than me and they will be along, keep checking.

Hugs
Marilyn

yeah I shoveled like mad today it was almost fun. Until tomorrow at least when I know my back is outie.

jlo34

Susan,

So glad to see you posting. Thank you for your PM, nice to hear from you. You can make it; you just need to make a conscious decision each day (sometimes many times throughout the day) that you want to stay sober today. Ask your Higher Power to help you and thank Him at night. Keep going to meetings, go to lots of them. We're pulling for ya!!!

Marilyn,
I'm hoping things are going better with you than they were a few days ago. You know the answers... just do it. Sorry I wasn't able to talk with ya more, feel free to PM me if you like.

Love, hugs, and prayers,
Jen