earlybird

Hi all,......My names Erik,.....Im an alcoholic. Ive been sober now for 9 months. I went into a treatment center last April and have been sober since. I moved out of my apartment after talking to my parents about it. They said its probably a good idea that I not be alone during early recovery and I agreed. So I moved out,...put my things in storage,...went to the recovery center for a month, ....then moved back into my parents home. Things went ok for a while. I have found a good job,...make good money,...slowly saving money to get out on my own again. Looks like I may get my license back too in the summer. So the promises ARE happening to me. My problem is my family. Mom especially. They dont seem to care anymore. They havent gone to any al-anon meetings. We dont get along at all. They say im selfish as ever. I really am trying to be nice, respectful, and everything that I didnt before. HONESTY is big with me now. Im brutally honest about everything now. That is very important to me. My Mom is very VERY mean. Thats the only way I can describe her. It is SOOO obvious she is STILL harboring resentment towards me its sick. She brings up things I did in the past in the middle of an argument even if it has nothing to do with the topic at hand. She starts fights with me by being blatantly mean to me on purpose and then waiting for my dad to be within earshot and then goes into soap opera type dramatics like "Oh Erik,...PLEEEEaaAAaaAASE stop harassing me!!" Thats ALL my dad needs to hear and hes in there telling ME TO "LEAVE YOUR MOTHER ALONE" He always JUMPS to her side without even so much asking what happened. My Mom told me early on she would go to an Al-anon meeting,..only to back out the day of. She got mad at me before the meeting and decided her not going would be my punishment. That made me realize she thinks HER going to an AL-anon meeting is strictly for MY benefit. SHe is so lost when it comes to that subject. Her and my Dad both say "You're the one with the problem,...not us" or "We have jobs,...we dont have time for a meeting" or "We are too busy" Its one freakin hour a week. EVERYONE has time for one hour a week. I point out that I GO TO TWO AA MEETINGS A WEEK......HAVE A FULLTIME JOB,...SEE MY GIRLFRIEND,...AND STILL HAVE TIME FOR A HOBBY. So thats a crock of #$@! They dont care it seems. Or they are thinking they will be embarrassed to go. This is just an example of my Moms over-acting "dramatics" :

We got into an argument over something one day and afterwards she talked to my brothers. Then yesterday, her and I got into another argument and she tells me " I told your brothers that if anything ever happens to your Father and I,....tell the police to look closely at Erik" .............Now I am NOT,..nor have I ever been,...EVEN WHEN DRINKING,....a violent person. I havent hit anyone since grade school. Now this is obviously for attention. But she must understand that if my brothers are silly enough to believe this,...it could RUIN my relationship with them. Make me look worse than when I was drinking. I mean lets be honest here and come right out and say what she was incinuating,....she wants my brothers to believe that she really thinks that I may murder them. PAAAAALEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEzzzz. That is soooooooooooooo ridiculous. ANyways I neeeeeeed advice. :yelling

Peaches04

Gosh earlybird...I am so sorry. Congratulations on your recovery!!! It sounds like you have subjected yourself to the very environment that may have influenced your need for alcohol in the first place! Your mom sounds like she has sever issues and your dad seems to enable those, as do your brothers possibly. i would get out of there as fast as I could. You should be very proud of yourself for as far as you've come. I'm not an alcoholic (but lots of experience with them) and I know how hard you have worked spiritually. Your parents obviously don't understand the disease - or it may be that they are afraid to look to closely because they may have to accept some amount of blame or feel guilt. I'm probably not saying the right thing, as I would hate for my AH to blame his parents - but, you have sought out help, and he is still drinking. You made the decision to better your life, and that may mean distancing yourself from the bad behaviors you don't need around you right now. I'm so sorry - good luck with your sobriety!! As far as your brothers go - i guess it depends on your relationship with them. But, I bet you'd be surprised at how much your mothers behavior (from you description here) they are familiar with and how it has impacted them. They had to live with her too... Hang in there hon!

Cathy31

Hi Eric
I agree with Peaches...I'm so sorry you seem to be back in an environment which may well have catapulted you into alcoholism in the first place.Is there any way you can get out? Even just a small tiny place that you can afford? I think being alone is preferable to what you describe. What do they say...people and places..sounds like what you have is enough to build up alot of resentment which in turn can really make us want to drink BADLY.

I wouldn't worry about your brothers for now though...focus on yourself and know that, yes it's your mom being mad and spiteful and that siblings ties are VERY strong!!! Don't worry about it for now though..when you're in a better place you can talk to your brothers. It's not a problem, though, seriously.

If you can detach, great...all these fights...any way you can just walk away and not allow her to antagonise you?? What about you just disengaging from her/them if you have to stay there? Just be polite but disengaged. Takes two to tango, try not be number 2?

Let us know how you get on - sounds very rough, but you CAN get through it and nine months is awesome!

Love
Cathy31

earlybird

Thanks guys! I appreciate all the kind words and understanding. Well,...afraid theres nothing to update. I went home after I went to the gym after work. So I got home around 7:00 pm. I immediately shoveled the driveway. Couldnt hurt, right? Well neither one of my parents spoke to me. I didnt try and speak to them either. At least that way we dont fight. Sheesh,..................anyone need a roommate? lol Im house trained,....and I wont hump your leg.....