is this codie behavior?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 487
is this codie behavior?
so i have been working on my inventory and i know that control issues are part of being a codependent, But what about having problems (severe) of not wanting to be controlled by ANYBODY. why i can't ask for help because they will want to control me or my situation, afraid of relationships with anybody who is more financially secure than me becoz of fear they will try to economically control me. is this typical? i especially can't get help from my parents because of this as my whole life they have done this to me.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Just as it is unhealthy for us to try to control others, it is unhealthy for others to try to control us.
Keep coming back, read around, you will see this in action....we don't try to control others here. That means no one here tries to control me.
Keep coming back, read around, you will see this in action....we don't try to control others here. That means no one here tries to control me.
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
Escape Artist,
Your post reminded me of how much I tried to be the independent, successful, don't need anyone person for so many years. Now that I have reached out to my HP and asked for help, i am much better at letting go and trusting that people are not out to screw me over.
I grew up with a cynical, "dry drunk" F and a co-dependent, denial prone M. I distictly recall my F saying at times that you have to do things yourself because you can't rely on others. What a way to warp a little mind.
It has taken me three years to get to the point where I don't automatically resort to the "manage all things" mode that was so 'normal' for me in the past. I still freak out from time to time, however as my belief and trust in my HP has grown, so has my ability to "let go of the root" as my husband would say.
I believe that we start to let go when we believe that there is someone there to support us. My HP has been helping me to gain this strenght, as have the folks at Al-Anon and here at SR. Just asking for feedback is letting go of some of the control by considering other ways to look at a situation. It would appear to me that you are already making head-way in overcoming this auto-response.
I truly believe we can unlearn the codependent, auto-responses that we learned from our parents. As much as I want to change, I will. Some days I want to change more than others.
Peace - Petunia
Your post reminded me of how much I tried to be the independent, successful, don't need anyone person for so many years. Now that I have reached out to my HP and asked for help, i am much better at letting go and trusting that people are not out to screw me over.
I grew up with a cynical, "dry drunk" F and a co-dependent, denial prone M. I distictly recall my F saying at times that you have to do things yourself because you can't rely on others. What a way to warp a little mind.
It has taken me three years to get to the point where I don't automatically resort to the "manage all things" mode that was so 'normal' for me in the past. I still freak out from time to time, however as my belief and trust in my HP has grown, so has my ability to "let go of the root" as my husband would say.
I believe that we start to let go when we believe that there is someone there to support us. My HP has been helping me to gain this strenght, as have the folks at Al-Anon and here at SR. Just asking for feedback is letting go of some of the control by considering other ways to look at a situation. It would appear to me that you are already making head-way in overcoming this auto-response.
I truly believe we can unlearn the codependent, auto-responses that we learned from our parents. As much as I want to change, I will. Some days I want to change more than others.
Peace - Petunia
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
For me, control and fear are always linked. When I find myself trying to control someone or something, I'm fearful of some unforeseen outcome. It's at that point that I find I have let go of my faith, and that's where the first three Steps come in: I can't; HP can; I'll let Him/Her/It.
Of course I'm resistant to other's attempts to control me. This is natural for me, having come from an alcoholic upbringing and feeling completely powerless the whole time. To combat this, I only have to set appropriate, healthy boundaries, and to walk away when necessary.
Of course I'm resistant to other's attempts to control me. This is natural for me, having come from an alcoholic upbringing and feeling completely powerless the whole time. To combat this, I only have to set appropriate, healthy boundaries, and to walk away when necessary.
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