Nortonwt

I recently started a relationship with a newly recovered alcoholic. I had known him for many years but a few weeks before he went to rehab I talked to him a lot about getting his life back on track. We continued to write and talk while he was in rehab. Now that he is back we have been dating some. I have developed serious feelings for him as a result of our conversations and dating. We talk very openly about our feelings. He has dated very little in his life and does not see himself in a position to say he is in a relationship. He feels that he hasn't dated enough to feel comfortable being in a relationship with one person at this point but he wants to keep seeing me. So do I just back off and say he should call me when he figures it out? or just be a friend to him while he figures it out? We have talked a lot and it seems just saying call me when you know what you are doing is not right. It seems i could fall into panic controlling behavior here if he does actually date someone else so I am trying to look at it from all angles. Just be a friend and Have faith it will all work out? What to do and what books can I read to help keep me sane while I work through this?

Live

Persons newly in recovery are advised not to get into new relationships for, someone help me out here, is it 6 months or a year.
How about you visit some al-anon meetings?
Oh, and welcome to SR, this is a lovely place, stockfull of wonderful new friends who share love, support, wisdom, experience, strength and hope.
Keep coming back!

drgnfly30

that sounds about right.. If you've ever seen the movie 28 days, the counselor suggests getting a plant then a pet & then a year or so later if they are still both alive you can begin dating again!

But on a serious note, I'd start out by reading the boards here.. you'll find a ton of insight. You might want to check out some of Melodie Beattie's books.

Christine

Petunia

Another author that was recommended to me by my counselor is Pia Melody, specifically called the book titled "Love Addicition". I have ordered, received, but not yet read it. However I do intend to. I did read Melody Beattie's "Codependent No More" and found it a huge helper for me as I got started on my road to recovery.

Wishing you some peace today.
Petunia

Truth

i can only speak from my experience. I broke up with my newly recovered A ex boyfriend because he was completely emotionally unavailable when he began his recovery. he got really into AA and had no time or energy or emotion for me. He began questioning every decision he ever made and every feeling he ever had including the ones about me. anyway i had to ask myself why do i want to be with someone who is emotionally unavailable and i found that the answer is that i don't want to be. u have to make the right decision for yourself here. keep reading posts and u will find an answer. i also started to go to CODA meetings which has helped me