This helped me a lot

Old 07-18-2002, 05:07 PM
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Morning Glory
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This helped me a lot

Pernell posted this on the NA board and it really helped me see things differently so I wanted to share it with all of you.

The basic steps in the road to sobriety for most chemically addicted persons are;

1. Unregulated drinking or using
2. Attempts to regulate by controlling quantity of intake or type of substances.
3. Attempts to control by pursuing periods of abstinence with the goal of returning to use (If I can stop it proves I do not need to stop it). rationale-----
4. Decision to stop drinking using but not change lifestyle.
5. Decision to change life-style and pursue a program of recovery in order to stop drinking or using permanently


What can we do to help our A's? Can we make them make a decision to change their life-style?

We can look for bottles and pour out bottles. We can give ultimatums. We can get them to a rehab. We can nag at them. We can cry and beg. We can feed them. We can clothes them. We can talk to them. We can listen to their problems. We can believe them when they say they want help.

What kind of help do they want? Are they seeking recovery? Are they willing to do anything it takes to make life-style changes in order to stop drinking or using permanently?

We can't do this for them. We can't talk them into it. Nothing we do can make this happen for them. It has to come from within them. Just because they quit drinking or using does not mean they are in recovery. It just means they are not drinking or using right now. There is a big difference.

I feel a little more freedom after reading this.

There is nothing I can do.

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 07-18-2002, 05:24 PM
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Ann
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Powerful post MG. And great food for thought.

The part about "just because they stop using or drinking...."
I know I look at that first when I see my son "in recovery". What I don't see are any major lifestyle changes...so is it really recovery? And his relapses start long before he "picks up", so that isn't recovery either. And during this time he is "clean".

Right now he is using...my guess is big time...but if that leads to a hard bottom for him, hard enough for him to decide to go to "any lengths" to turn his life around and really change how he lives...well maybe that IS recovery. So maybe "recovery' starts long before they "put down". And during this time he is "using".

Maybe "recovery" has little to do with "clean" or "using" as neither of these really matter until he is truly ready to "surrender" his old life ways and totally change how he lives.

I may sound very confused right now, but this makes a lot of sense to me.

Thank you for posting this. And thank you Pernell.
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Old 07-18-2002, 05:33 PM
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Morning Glory
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You don't sound confused at all. I understand exactly what you are saying.

It is a lot of food for thought.

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 07-18-2002, 06:02 PM
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JT
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Powerful is right!

Sobriety does not make recovery. We (before our own recovery) get so caught up with getting them to stop using and that is such a small part of it. BIG and MPORTANT but it only the tip of the iceburg.

When they start using they stop maturing emotionally, they are not lving life they are avoiding it, medicating it..

Think about how isolated we become at the worst of things for us and double or triple that for them. They have lost or pushed away everyone who loves them...how lonely that must be.

But it is hard to give up the only thing you know so they keep on trying to control it...untill surrender.

In many ways just like us.

You can look a that list and see a codependent in it too.
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Old 07-18-2002, 06:14 PM
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Morning Glory
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I'm going to have to give that some thought JT. I'll let you know what I come up with, but feel free to talk about the codependency issues from the list. You seem to understand it better than I do.

Give us a whack with the skillet.


Hugs,

MG
 
Old 07-19-2002, 06:12 AM
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I'll step out on a limb and make a comparision to becoming a Christian. Just because you show up at Church on Sunday doesn't mean that you have become a Christian. It is a decision that you make to accept Christ into your life and make the change in your life to live the Christian life 24/7 not just Sunday. The key there again is that is it our own decision, we can't make anyone else become a Christian.

Morning Glory what you have stated here is very clear to me. The nail was hit right on the head.

Constant
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Old 07-19-2002, 10:42 AM
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Morning Glory
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Constant,

That was a good comparison. There is nothing you can do to change a person's heart.


But God can.

Hugs,

MG
 
Old 07-19-2002, 04:37 PM
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My first husband another A.....stopped drinking for three years. His personality never changed....even sober. I knew it was over but he wanted to try...so we went to counselling as a family. I was just begining my careeer...and frankly I needed him to help me watch the kids. BUT.....I knew I would leave and I did. Within a year he found another woman, got three D UI's and lost a fabulous job of 27 years. He married her...........how dumb was she....he then had a heart attack and a slight stroke at "42"! He is now on diablitiy for the rest of his life he is now is 56....he screwed his life forever.....and lost his kids in the mix of it too.

Love Kitty
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