quercusalba

Hi there, SR friends. Having a rough day, here... feeling very down and depressed. Lots of reasons for that... but I'll only address one here - when you are trying to make amends/apologize for damage you've done to relationships over the years, how do you deal with the anger you get from people who were hurt by you and hate (or strongly dislike) you now because of your poor treatment of them in the past? I mean, I guess I just have to let it go, but being on the receiving end of such anger when I'm already feeling so down and vulnerable is really difficult. Yes, I made my bed and now I have to lay in it.... and I do have to take responsibility for what I have done (or, in some cases, not done) to harm relationships... but is there anything any of you have done to still feel ok about yourself? Right now, my self-esteem is already in the negative zone; some of the anger I've gotten from a particular person, however, is making me feel even worse, which I wasn't sure was possible until now.

Am I making any sense?

Any advice? Thank you in advance.
--anne

CAPTAINZING2000

ANNE,

DO YOU STILL HAVE TO MAKE CONTACT WITH THESE PEOPLE? i MEAN, WHEN YOU MAKE A LIST OF EVERYONE YOU NEED TO MAKE AMENDS WITH SOME PEOPLE YOU MIGHT NOT EVER SEE AGAIN. SOMETIMES, IT MIGHT BE A WORSE CASE SCENARIO BY MAKING AMENDS. DO YOU OWE ANYONE MONEY? THERE ARE SOME AMENDS WE SHOULD MAKE ABOVE ALL.

THE PEOPLE YOU MENTIONED, ARE YOU TALKING WITH THEM AT ALL RIGHT NOW? IF YOU ARE, TAKE A DIRECT APPROACH TELL THEM YOU WANT TO MAKE A FRESH START WITH THEM yOU ASK FORGIVENESS THEN, THE BALL IS IN THEIR COURT. i'D RATHER FORGIVE SOMEONE THEN TO HAVE IT EAT AT ME LIKE A CANCER.

BTW,
YOU WILL FEEL BETTER WHEN YOU DO MAKE AMENDS. WE'RE ALL HUMAN, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES. PROGRESS NOT PERFECTION

CHRIS

teach2read

That's a good question...

First of all, I am sorry that you are feeling so down on yourself. That's a dark place to be, especially when you are in a wounded state to begin with. All you can do is tell the truth, right? I mean I know that's simple, maybe a child's answer, but at the same time once you are sincerely remorseful... then their response or reaction is out of your control. Now that doesn't mean you have to like it But it does mean that you can't control their reaction to your sincere amends.

Don't forget to forgive yourself. Forgiveness opens the door to reconciliation. In forgiving others, we love, help and heal ourselves.

My husband is a recovering alcoholic (15 years) and had become addicted to the internet. He's also got involved with at least 1 online affair that I know of. When I discovered it, he said he was sorry that I had been hurt by all this, sorry that this has upset me, etc. But you know, somehow in these words it just doesn't feel like remorse. Does that make sense?

I know what sorry looks like and to me, sorry involves an action.

Good luck!
Lo

Chy

I know when I was experiancing anger and resentment my sponosor told me to pray for that person/place/thing causing those emotions for two weeks. WTF? YOU want ME to pray for that SOB? Ya know what, as usual it worked! Nothing long just a quick God please bless "fill in the blank". If it's you your angry at, that's the first amend I was told to make, to myself. Acceptance is hard, but it's our past that molded us, and someday, those feelings of anger, resentment will be what you share to help the newcomer see they to can get through it. Experiance, Strength and Hope, remember? *hugs*

Debby

I have a brother just like that. We were brought up watching our mom not forgive people, which is sad, beause we do that also. I have stopped but he hasnt. Anyways, I found out that once I just said "okay, I have made my peace with him and it is his choice not to forgive" I went about my life, and when he saw that I had changed we became great friends again. You see he just needed to see for himself, words were just words after everthing I had done, I had apologized before so what made this different. Give it time and focus on the ones that did forgive you. You just have to show some people.
Best Wishes
Debby