The other shoe just fell....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: bowling green ky
Posts: 201
The other shoe just fell....
My Ah was sober 4 weks until today. Today, completly sober he tells me that
''you know, I just want to be able to drink when I want to like everyone else does''- He KNOWS he is an Alcoholic- he admits it- he has been to rehab (twice) jail (Numerous times) but still he is pissed because "I want to drink when I want to"- We talked and I told him that he had to do whatever he had to do-- but that I would not longer live with the monster he was when drinking- and at the first sign of anger, cursing me or breaking things as he has done in the past, I would not hesitaate to call the cops. He said "I don't blame you"- The whole time he was sober (these last 4 weeks) i have just been wating for the "other shoe to fall", when would he start his crap again- well he certainly is reliable wh=en it comes to that- we've been through this sober/drunk/sober routine so much it is sick. I know how ashamed he feels- I see it in his eyes. But how can he be so stupid??? He left 5hours ago to "go get a movie" I'm sure whiskey and a crack house are stops on the way home. i finally had my Husband back for a month and he's gone again- I am so sick of tis- it is so unfair!
ellima0
''you know, I just want to be able to drink when I want to like everyone else does''- He KNOWS he is an Alcoholic- he admits it- he has been to rehab (twice) jail (Numerous times) but still he is pissed because "I want to drink when I want to"- We talked and I told him that he had to do whatever he had to do-- but that I would not longer live with the monster he was when drinking- and at the first sign of anger, cursing me or breaking things as he has done in the past, I would not hesitaate to call the cops. He said "I don't blame you"- The whole time he was sober (these last 4 weeks) i have just been wating for the "other shoe to fall", when would he start his crap again- well he certainly is reliable wh=en it comes to that- we've been through this sober/drunk/sober routine so much it is sick. I know how ashamed he feels- I see it in his eyes. But how can he be so stupid??? He left 5hours ago to "go get a movie" I'm sure whiskey and a crack house are stops on the way home. i finally had my Husband back for a month and he's gone again- I am so sick of tis- it is so unfair!
ellima0
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Ellima - I can completely relate. I'm sorry you are going through this. It isn't fair.
You laid out your boundaries. It's up to him to respect them.
Hang in there - you're doing great!!
You laid out your boundaries. It's up to him to respect them.
Hang in there - you're doing great!!
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
I can also totally relate. I am in a very similar situation. Sorry you are going through this on New Year's Day... but, I guess we need to decide to have a great 2005 regardless of what our A's choose to do. I am sick of it too, and yes, it does seem so unfair. Let's just try to do the best we can in the New Year for us and our families.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: home
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by ellima01
My Ah was sober 4 weks until today. Today, completly sober he tells me that
''you know, I just want to be able to drink when I want to like everyone else does''- He KNOWS he is an Alcoholic- he admits it- he has been to rehab (twice) jail (Numerous times) but still he is pissed because "I want to drink when I want to"- We talked and I told him that he had to do whatever he had to do-- but that I would not longer live with the monster he was when drinking- and at the first sign of anger, cursing me or breaking things as he has done in the past, I would not hesitaate to call the cops. He said "I don't blame you"- The whole time he was sober (these last 4 weeks) i have just been wating for the "other shoe to fall", when would he start his crap again- well he certainly is reliable wh=en it comes to that- we've been through this sober/drunk/sober routine so much it is sick. I know how ashamed he feels- I see it in his eyes. But how can he be so stupid??? He left 5hours ago to "go get a movie" I'm sure whiskey and a crack house are stops on the way home. i finally had my Husband back for a month and he's gone again- I am so sick of tis- it is so unfair!
ellima0
''you know, I just want to be able to drink when I want to like everyone else does''- He KNOWS he is an Alcoholic- he admits it- he has been to rehab (twice) jail (Numerous times) but still he is pissed because "I want to drink when I want to"- We talked and I told him that he had to do whatever he had to do-- but that I would not longer live with the monster he was when drinking- and at the first sign of anger, cursing me or breaking things as he has done in the past, I would not hesitaate to call the cops. He said "I don't blame you"- The whole time he was sober (these last 4 weeks) i have just been wating for the "other shoe to fall", when would he start his crap again- well he certainly is reliable wh=en it comes to that- we've been through this sober/drunk/sober routine so much it is sick. I know how ashamed he feels- I see it in his eyes. But how can he be so stupid??? He left 5hours ago to "go get a movie" I'm sure whiskey and a crack house are stops on the way home. i finally had my Husband back for a month and he's gone again- I am so sick of tis- it is so unfair!
ellima0
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Vallejo California
Posts: 3
I have been there and done that too. It is so wonderful when they are in recovery, but at the same time, I keep in the back of my mind how long will this one last.
I have learned to enjoy the "now" and not even think about when it will change or if it will change. I have been on the roller coaster so long, I chill when we are in recovery and love him to death, even although some days are tough for him and he has an attitude. But I will take that attitude over any drunk day with him.
Good luck to you!
I have learned to enjoy the "now" and not even think about when it will change or if it will change. I have been on the roller coaster so long, I chill when we are in recovery and love him to death, even although some days are tough for him and he has an attitude. But I will take that attitude over any drunk day with him.
Good luck to you!
Laugh, Smile, & Be Happy
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Vancouver, WA
Posts: 36
Ellima,
I am soooo sorry!! You are living my greatest fear so you know that my heart goes out to you and I'm praying for you. I have no great words of wisdom but no matter what happens... YOU will be okay.
J
I am soooo sorry!! You are living my greatest fear so you know that my heart goes out to you and I'm praying for you. I have no great words of wisdom but no matter what happens... YOU will be okay.
J
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
I am so very sorry.
I hope you find some comfort in coming here and sharing with us.
You are not alone.
I always found it almost funny how our AH's seem to think they are so unique, when we can come here and read their exact story, their exact words, over and over as said and done by others all over the country.
I know when I read Codependent No More, and I read my own words and feelings and actions in that book... I felt something. I realized it wasn't something unique about me, it was a mental health issue that I had and shared with many. I wanted to work on fixing it.
I often wished that my AH could have that moment, the one where he realized that everything about his actions are pattern behaviors of his disease, and therefore acknowledge he had this problem and needed recovery. That was why I kept trying to show him examples of his own behavior. To make him 'see'.
Then after a few rides up and down the rollercoaster I realized he does know, deep down, but does not want to live life in recovery... so he chooses denial as his preference. It took me a while to see it as a choice he makes just for him, leaving me with only the option of making choices just for me.
I hope you find some comfort in coming here and sharing with us.
You are not alone.
I always found it almost funny how our AH's seem to think they are so unique, when we can come here and read their exact story, their exact words, over and over as said and done by others all over the country.
I know when I read Codependent No More, and I read my own words and feelings and actions in that book... I felt something. I realized it wasn't something unique about me, it was a mental health issue that I had and shared with many. I wanted to work on fixing it.
I often wished that my AH could have that moment, the one where he realized that everything about his actions are pattern behaviors of his disease, and therefore acknowledge he had this problem and needed recovery. That was why I kept trying to show him examples of his own behavior. To make him 'see'.
Then after a few rides up and down the rollercoaster I realized he does know, deep down, but does not want to live life in recovery... so he chooses denial as his preference. It took me a while to see it as a choice he makes just for him, leaving me with only the option of making choices just for me.
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