beezylou

I appreciate the kind words from my first post. I have managed to flush everything I have except for 1 bottle of narcotics...I am just sitting here staring at it. I want to flush it but everytime I go to do it I can't. I know I have to do it, but can I ..?

It is hard because come Monday I will be back in that pharmacy counting pills for all those customers of mine and wanting to count a few out for myself. It feels like the neverending bottle of pills. I want to walk away from pharmacy but if I do that my family would be at risk to lose more than what they are losing now. My husband is so supportive but it is hard for him to see me go through this over and over. I am exhausted too.

I just sit here crying knowing I will flush this and detox all weekend and come monday try my hardest to do the right thing. I surrender....I am truly powerless over drugs and they are not going to help me. I pray to God I can work this program and be clean for longer than a week. I just flushed the narc's !!!!!!! I am having an internal battle over that but I did good..I know it was the only thing to do. I can't reach my sponsor I think she is out of town,
maybe that is a good idea for me too ????

Anna

Hi Beezy,

You did the right thing to get rid of all the pills. And, I can't imagine how hard it would be to work in a pharmacy when you're an addict. I'm an alcoholic and I couldn't have worked in a bar when I was first sober or for a long time after. And, even now, that would be the last job I would choose. Just too stressful!

You can do this.

Love, Anna

Chy

Hi Beezy and welcome!
You've made an awesome start! It's hard, real hard, but you can do it, and remember every temptation is your disease talking to you. You'll find a great deal of support here, I hope to see you often!

Party'sOver

Hi Beezy. I went through the same toilet flushing thing a couple of months ago. I had a drawer full of pills. I couldn't do it. It was like flushing away all of my security and my mini-vacations, my party-for-one's. I told my friend to do it and he did. But I also have hiding spots all over the house. I would get really high and hide pills like a squirell with nuts. So my friends helped me go though everything. I was a little embarassing but we did it.

I can't imagine working in a pharmacy. You must be a lot stronger than you even think, My pockets would be full of pills everyday I left work. Good for you! JM

eddie z.

(((((beezylou))))),

Missouri Pharmacist Recovery Network Whether you're a pharmacist or technician, your state PRN can help! Contact them. Mine saved my life and is helping me salvage my career. You're probably facing bigger risks by being in a pharmacy at this early stage in your recovery. I'll send you a PM, OK?

Peace, love, and hugs,
Eddie