DefofLov

Technically, I never ever have to go back home. I have worked things out so nicely that I will never have to live with my mother again and I dont even have to go back to my old hometown unless I want to.

I didn't celebrate Thanxgiving with them this year but I went home for Christmas. Christmas was awful, awful, AWFUL!!! And I knew that it would be but I felt obligated to go back. You know? I felt like, since Grandpa passed so recently, and since I wasn't there for Thanxgiving, I had to be there for Christmas.

Just because they are family, does that mean that I have to visit it all? Why do I feel like I have to??

~Def

drgnfly30

Why do you do it - because we are all codependents & feel the need to do things that make other people happy while we become more miserable! But you already know that! You need to do what is best for YOU... I'm a firm believer in doing what makes you HAPPY - life is too short. I have relatives that I choose not to associate with any longer... AH thinks that is wrong of me because they are family... In my opinion if I wouldn't choose these people as friends & they make my life more untolerable then I won't subject myself to it.
JMHO
Christine

Gabe

Def,
The important thing is that you make your choices based on what makes you happy.
Feeling obligated does not always lead to healthy choices.
Follow your heart on this one.
Hugs,
Gabe

hope2bhappy

Take care of you, first.

Dee at Mt Bully

Really I agree with everyone. If these family members were just people you met
and wouldn't choose to spend time with why ruin your Holidays by forcing your self to go there. I did that for so many years I can't count them. I think it goes to our
basic need to have family and be cared for and care for them and the whole nurturing
thing. Trust me though it will always be an ordeal and It will leave you wondering
why. I finally made a decission to work on myself and I found a family of friends
that are much more enjoyable. Like Here. Smiles--Dee

DefofLov

Thank you for the support.

I suppose I do it all just for the sake of family. I am hoping to gather enough strength in 2005 to just do things for my sake first.

I really dont want to go back for more and I hope I dont.

DesertEyes

Yo Def :-)

I know those feelings :-) I've decided it's ok for me to feel whatever I feel and not get down on myself. It's the _actions_ that matter. Just cuz I feel guilty about not being involved with my toxic biological family doesn't mean I have to take any action over it.

I choose _not_ to get involved with them. I choose to go to a meeting instead :-)

Mike :-)

Dee at Mt Bully

Well said Mike--Def I agree with Mike he said it better than I did. Smiles--Dee