StolenJoy

i want to start this thread as my introduction
as well as my place in life
i feel like i am constantly fighting for any happiness i have in my life to keep

ill say as all of you
i come from a family of addicts
mom as well as dad
my dad left when i was a small child , but was around in many ways
and my mom has been a drinker my whole life

i decided to join this forum, cause i think i have come to what i think is the last straw with her, and want to break all ties from her
her manipulation f my life, jealiousy of any joy, and in many ways taking my life as her own, has just gotten to the point where i trust her so little
that i barely trust her with my life
i know this sounds hard for some to hear
but from a small child i remember that , she never liked it when i was happy, in the spotlight, if people liked me
and many other things
even my own father , when ever he would write or come around, would have to sort of appologize for loving me
this has been going on for 38 years
when its my time to shine, and have a happy thought or day, she is there to make sure that , she can do whatever she can to make it a bad one
we no longer live together , left at 17
and for many years i kept away
but since we are a small family, i stay with her or she will have noone
my brother broke ties with her many years ago , and NEVER comes around or calls....so i stay , cause i feel bad for her
but i always think he is the smart one
she says she will never give up drinking
and to say she takes my life
well this is what i mean
i work in a festive enviroment at work
its great for my depression to be what i call , the escape job
everyday is a party
get to meet wonderful folks, and go great places
i share these things and fun with my mom in conversation
since she never leaves the area, only to go to her local bar
well she sits there and tell folks that thses things that i am doing are what she is doing to try to impress people
its sad but i thought harmless
well this has escalated in many ways
to the point where i really don't trust her at all

i will write more about this, in time
but needless to say, this year will have to start off...with me getting away from her
to save my own life , in more ways then one

and as far as me
i don't drink...never did
nor do drugs
im the so called straight on...go figure

DefofLov

sending big hugs your way ((((((hug)))))

here is to finding strength to break away in 2005

StolenJoy

DEofLOV
thank you so much

falcon

:hello

I've just joined as well and I'm a recovered addict. I can relate to how you feel. My family are not addicts but are extremley disfunctional. Every aspect of our lives is dominated by my mother. She still won't accept any responsabilty for the way we were treated as children and its hard to maintain a healthy relationship. When I was using most of my family ignored me actually disowned me. Now I look back on it and know that even though I didn't see it at the time it was a wake up call. My son remains in the care of my mother depsite attempt to get him back. I still don't understand what I did as a daughter that makes her keep my son from me. I'll never know but its hard when you find your self still loving them depsite what they.ve done. I hope for your mums sake that she doesn't end up losing you. X

StolenJoy

falcon
thanks for the reply
and yeah , i can see where your mom might be afraid , for you to have your kid, even if you are as well as you can be
i suppose that is a trust thing you have to work on as well
yet all at the same time
i feel that somehow we all learn a bit from everything that has happend in our lives
and yeah as much as i want to trust
i can't right now
i need my life
i have always had more courage then her
and know how to stand by folks , no matter what
but i have come to the point , where i will pull back a bit, hoping as you it may be a wake up call
i wish you great sucess with getting you kid back...im not a mother...maybe a fear in itself for alot of the same reason...but i can imagine the pain, and far away feeling you must have in some way

im praying for you to get your happiness in 2005 and a HUG !!!!! for you as well

yeah im here.........lolllllllllllllllllll

JT

Welcome to SR!!

Your joy is not something that can be stolen from you but if we are not careful we give it away far too easily.

Hugs,
JT