Basi

Hi everyone,

Just when I thought maybe just maybe i would be OK.........I wasn't. I mean wonder of wonders I weakened. I am such a f#$^%ing coward.

I didnt get drunk but I did drink @ our Christmas Party. I had about 3 glasses of champagne, I enjoyed it and then spent all weekend regreting it and putting up with abuse from my dearly beloved husband.

I shouldnt be angry at HIM, I mean I stuffed up not him. But I cant help it......another thing I cant help.

He gets so angry and abusive and is THE most judgemental person I have EVER met ........and I assure you I have met alot of people. He makes me freel so trapped. He has always made me feel so trapped ALWAYS.

What does he want.....wish he could live and let live........

OK people how ARE we going to get through the festive season with a modicum of sanity ..........

Does anybody know of any links to spiritual and affirmation sites or similar. I am in desperate need of enlightenment of some description.

Lots of love and best wishes to all

kckman

Basi, nothing else to do except live and let live, learn from the mistake. You didn't stumble to far off the road. Stay strong.

Debby

I know what you mean. I fell off the wagon this past weekend and felt terrible, but then I realized that this was the longest time I had gone without, so I slipped. Just pick up and dust off. Holidays are the hardest. Stay strong. Dont look at yesterday and dont look at tomorrow or you'll just pee on today.
Debby

nutz

try
Lessons4living
the awakening

Whats done is done there's nothing you can do to change
the pass. By beating up on yourself will only makes things worst.
And you'll want to drink or pick up more and more to rid
of the shame and guilt.
Thats the trap or how the disease works against us.

Your husband dosen't understand.
The more he tries to control you or tell what to do
the more **** off you're get at him. It's making you sicker.

He is very fustratate and scared of the occurance.
To him it's a simple matter and don't see how or why
you just don't get it. It is out of love that his dose these
things, but it comes out all wrong and very adbrasive.
The put downs, name calling and what not.

He needs to go to alon-on.
Them people have Control issues.. It's habits from
years of putting up with our crap,. They too need to recover
from alcoholism and other issues he has.
If he dosen't, as you get more recovery in you.
His control issue miss trust will irratate the hell out of you.

Just don't keep up anymore.
Move forward. Forgive yourself.
It was a lesson for you and there's much to learn
from it. Maybe just to relized...yes it can happen that fast.
And to know how powerful the disease is
I'm POWERLESS might have a deeper meaning to you, now.
Maybe God or a Higher power is in the Steps for a reason.
You might consider working step three , or the experience
you just have is the driving factor for you to do Step 3.

It's the same reason your husband is going crazy.
He has no power or control to fight the disease for you.

god bless.

duain1967

i fell your pain. does your husband know jesus. jesus set the exsample for all men . to be kind and gentle and to allways forgive. if forgivness is not in your heart theirs only hate. hate will eat you alive if you let it been their.

findingout

Basi,

Three glasses of champagne == two days of regret, self doubt, and other nastiness. Not a such a good investment but good math for all of us to memorize.

Keep the faith, tomorrow is another day and when you get to bed sober it will have been a good one.
One Love, One Heart, Jah Bless

Anna

Hi Basi,

One person who helped me enormously is Gary Zukav.

www.zukav.com Check out Soul Questions, Soul Subjects, Soul Guests. It's inspirational and helped to save my soul.

Love, Anna

CAPTAINZING2000

Sugar,

Thanks For Helping Me Stay Sober Another Day. I Take This All For Granted. I Struggled When, I First Got In The Program. I Didn't Drink, I White Knuckled It Every Day For A While. Not Drinking Comes Right After Taking A Breath In My Daily Living.

You Know, The Serenity Prayer Is Pretty Simple. You Can't Change Your Hubby. Many People Have Gone Back Out There Because, They Can't Change People Places Or Things.This Is The Most Importatnt Thing For You To Remember. Change What You Can. Pray To Have The Knowedge To Know The Difference.

I Pray To Accept Things. I Don't Have Any Problems With Any Family Members Thank God For That. The People I Work With, Now That's A Whole Different Story. I Kept Praying And Praying. You Know What Happened To Me? I Got An Office All By Myself. God Does Answer Prayers. I Was Ready To Strangle A Couple Of Sick A$$ Co Workers

You Can Start Your Sober Time Any Time Again. This Isn't A Race, We All Get To The Same Place In The End, It's How We Choose To Enjoy The Ride


Love

Chris

quercusalba

Basi -

Sorry to hear this. It sounds as though you and your husband could do with some marriage counseling... or some open and honest communication. If he is the angry person he sounds like he is, though, I know these things may be impossible.

First things first, though... you need to take care of you. I know how bad you feel because I've been through the same, quitting the drink very gradually instead of cold turkey like I wish I could have. In my experience, each time you drink you will feel a little worse about yourself, you will chip away a little more at your sense of self-esteem, regardless of whether or not you actually get drunk - this is because you really do want to stop, and when you sabotage yourself, it hurts. You need to stop hurting yourself. You know this already, of course - I just want to let you know that I empathize. Only you can choose not to pick up - and it is a choice. Surrounding yourself with supportive people, both here and face to face is invaluable too. One thing I did was to have a private ceremony of sorts, saying goodbye to the alcohol and all the baggage with it.... I reflected on my life over the past few years, and I chose the new direction that I wanted to go in, one step at a time, in the coming year. I used candles and some natural items (leaves, stones, dried flowers) and poetry to make the occasion special. It might sound silly, but it really did help - ritual can do that for you... it allows you to openly address a situation, look it in the face, and let it go, symbolically... and then it opens a new door, sets your feet on a new path. To me, it served as a real, physical break between me and the past - and the alcohol with it.

Just some thoughts.

I wish you well on your journey.

--anne

nodope

Basi, There has been so much excellent advice here to you. I LOVE how I learn from other peoples questions, and concerns. So you helped someone else today.

I really relate to your concerns about verbal abuse. This probably sounds super hokey, but no other person can make you feel trapped. You are allowing it. I swear I KNOW you're probably like the h*ll to you lady. That's what I used to say when people relayed this to me. Man, it took me forever to LEARN how NOT to allow someone to treat me like that.

Apparently like you said he ALWAYS made you feel trapped. Maybe you could say to him "Look, I've been busting my *ss to do this for a long time now. I made a mistake. I acknowledge it, and I'm working on it. Either we can scream, and yell, and get frustrated or you can work with me here" I'm certain he'll go into a tirade like"What? You put ME through all this crap, and I have helped you, and you are WEAK". I've truly found that if I don't flip out, and cry, and yell, but be the decent human being that I really am then eventually it hits them. Obviously he has big time control issues.

In my heart sometimes I think they WANT you to be off kilter. He could be afraid that the super, intelligent person you are will leave his butt if you got it all together. Having fragile people around them makes them secure. He really loves you though, and doesn't want all the chaos again.

My dear boyfriend did the same thing, but he was abusive verbally prior to my addiction. Calling me a no good piece of s*it junkie rolled right off his tongue like butter. When I'd relapse he'd relish it in a way, and say "See you'll never be nothing. You are WEAK!!". He'd still refer to me as a junkie now in my seventh month of sobriety.....if I'm having a bad day or have a headache he taunts GO DO SOME DOPE!!! He has finally got the picture. I told him look I love you, and you helped me when I was down. I'm sorry I robbed you, and conned you. That is not me anymore so don't dare talk to me that way again or go to heck. Figure out why you verbally abuse instead of focusing on my faults, Jack.

Sorry for the very long post, but I feel for you. Maybe when he's being so darn judgemental you can bring up a fault of his, and tell him to focus on that. You already are punishing yourself, and feel guilt. You don't need his grief too. Hopefully you are doing better today. Tons of positive vibrations to you.

BubbaBob

We tread on dangerous ground when we take other's inventory rather than sticking with our own.

BubbaBob

ChrisMan

Basi,

It's so hard to fall, and to get up again. I think all of us have been through it. I was always an expert at beating myself up -- it never worked, it never kept me sober.

It's hard when you're not getting much affirmation in your own household, but hopefully you are getting a lot on this thread. You are a good and special person. Just take things one day at a time, and be gentle with yourself.
:xmast
ChrisMan

KelKel

Dearest Basi...
Sounds like you got right back in the saddle and that is what counts.
Try not to be hard on yourself... K?
Here is a little daily inspiration that I recieve in my email, if you like it, go to this link and sign up to recieve it in your email.
Love & Light,
Kel

http://www.dailyom.com/cgi-bin/useri...cgi?subsribe=1

10 Ways To Be A Better Person
Becoming Who You Want To Be

1. Exercise patience in everything you do and understand that change will take time, devotion, and hard work. Accomplishing one simple goal right now will make it easier to accomplish larger more difficult ones later on.

2. Judging others is easy while judging oneself can be extremely difficult. Look at yourself honestly and ask: What would I like to change about myself? What are my strengths and weaknesses? What do I have to give?

3. There is no growth in resentment. Emotions are often directly related to your perception of the world around you. Viewing things in a positive light can make your world into a better place, and foster confidence and self-respect.

4. As you meet the needs of your body, nourish your soul as well. Each of us requires relaxation, love, and acceptance. Spend at least five unrushed minutes each day in meditation or another relaxing activity.

5. Listen to your heart's counsel. The logical, profitable, or fastest course may be in opposition with what you truly believe would be most rewarding. Following your heart can lead to great wisdom.

6. Accept that you have no control over the actions of others and discover the freedom of forgiveness. Letting go of old emotional wounds carries benefits to both body and soul.

7. Understand that failure, while painful, can be beneficial. Learn from your mistakes. Give the people in your life the chance to experience and learn from their own.

8. Never stop learning. True wisdom comes from knowledge and knowledge will only increase if you keep your mind open to new ideas and suggestions.

9. That which is in your power to do is also within your power not to do. Self-discipline is the foundation for all virtues. Avoiding toxic substances and keeping your body and mind healthy will help you break bad habits and adopt positive ones in their place.

10. The means to growth and change are within you and cannot be delegated to another. Live your own life as you wish it to be, cultivate self reliance, take responsibility, and love yourself.

kckman

Thank Kel.

Time2Surrender

Try this one.It is called higherawareness,and consists of 20 workbooks.They do cost $12 each,but well worth it.And not bad,maybe 35 cents per day if your doing one lesson per month.I have been doing these and enjoying them very much.
http://www.higherawareness.com/

greenmeadow

Basi,

That's hard when your dh is verbally abusive. Hopefully this place will keep giving you help. Some of the sites in the reply posts here are neat.

If your hubby can't or won't go to counselling sometimes it's helpful for the person on the receiving end to have counselling to rebuild self esteem or learn how to "deal" with hurtful comments and the people who make them.

all the best,

greenmeadow

Basi

Hey my beautiful friends,

I knew I could rely on you all to make things feel better for me, and they have.

I do feel better today BUT i'll tell you guys I am very drained at the moment...this time of year is particularly hard for me since I lost my parents.

I am sure that we will all survive this if we can support each other here on this wonderful site ............the thing that makes this site SO AWESOME is all of YOU AWESOME people.

Luv you all .......is anyone going to find the time to post here on Xmas Day. I'll try and make it. :ilu