Ugh, holidays are rough.(major rant post)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Burlington, VT
Posts: 25
Ugh, holidays are rough.(major rant post)
Rant to follow, if you do not wish to read, you are warned, not a single posative thought here:
Been pretty good for a while, then birthday came up on the 14th, had that week off, drank for 9 days straight because I was so damned angry and alone. Soon as could physically get out of bed started boozing. I think my body is about to reject itself. Think I busted something in my hand again, heart going crazy, sweating like an Eskimo in the desert. Dunno how you guys do it, but I admire you. When there is literally nothing else in your life, it is just too hard to not give in. I had to force myself to drink many times, I was violently ill and my body was telling me to stop.
Christmas, well, gonna make myself an awesome bacon wrapped turkey with sausage stuffing and start the process again. Tis the season.
Yes, I want to stop, but sometimes I think the big thinkers, the philosophers, the therapists, are all wrong, sometimes I wish somone would just hand me a lethal object and encourage me. Who makes everyone so high and mighty enough to tell somone they are worth life? Maybe some people just aren't? We need more objectivity in this world. I mean, when I am sober, no magical sobriety fairy flies down and bestows upon me some sense of joy, far from it, I realize how ugly the world is and how fake the people in it are, they don't want to give anything, the only way to get ahead is to be a selfish bastard and take, take, take. I am(was) the nice guy everyone reads about, and I hate myself for that. I am going to dedicate 2005 to hurting as many people as I can to repay them for what I have suffered from being naive and trusting, only then perhaps will I truly be able to stand on my own, without booze. Booze has been my only companion when things get dark, no one else. I see almost every post people talking about their wife, their family, their kids, etc, but what about somone who has none of those, has already lost it all?
If everyone in my life I have met has told me how handsome, how smart, how caring, how wonderful, and how "nice", then why the hell am I alone during the holidays? Santa, how about a nice shiny .45 under the tree eh?
Sorry, that needed to get out.
-D
Been pretty good for a while, then birthday came up on the 14th, had that week off, drank for 9 days straight because I was so damned angry and alone. Soon as could physically get out of bed started boozing. I think my body is about to reject itself. Think I busted something in my hand again, heart going crazy, sweating like an Eskimo in the desert. Dunno how you guys do it, but I admire you. When there is literally nothing else in your life, it is just too hard to not give in. I had to force myself to drink many times, I was violently ill and my body was telling me to stop.
Christmas, well, gonna make myself an awesome bacon wrapped turkey with sausage stuffing and start the process again. Tis the season.
Yes, I want to stop, but sometimes I think the big thinkers, the philosophers, the therapists, are all wrong, sometimes I wish somone would just hand me a lethal object and encourage me. Who makes everyone so high and mighty enough to tell somone they are worth life? Maybe some people just aren't? We need more objectivity in this world. I mean, when I am sober, no magical sobriety fairy flies down and bestows upon me some sense of joy, far from it, I realize how ugly the world is and how fake the people in it are, they don't want to give anything, the only way to get ahead is to be a selfish bastard and take, take, take. I am(was) the nice guy everyone reads about, and I hate myself for that. I am going to dedicate 2005 to hurting as many people as I can to repay them for what I have suffered from being naive and trusting, only then perhaps will I truly be able to stand on my own, without booze. Booze has been my only companion when things get dark, no one else. I see almost every post people talking about their wife, their family, their kids, etc, but what about somone who has none of those, has already lost it all?
If everyone in my life I have met has told me how handsome, how smart, how caring, how wonderful, and how "nice", then why the hell am I alone during the holidays? Santa, how about a nice shiny .45 under the tree eh?
Sorry, that needed to get out.
-D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Valdosta, Georgia
Posts: 43
Mill did your drinking cause you to lose your family? I am on the verge of losing my daughter for good and that kills me. She is my life and my hope without her I will be in despair also. I have only been sobar for 4 days so I really have not room to say much. I had a hard day very confusing to me. I don't know how to act sober alot of the time. I wanted a drink really bad today and for a second I didn't care about anything. It is very hard and I admire those who have 1 year or more. Hats off to all of you. I hope you will find your hope soon. Everyone deserves a second chance one way or the other. I bet you will get yours.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Akron, Ohio
Posts: 16
Hi mill,
I firmly believed that I was alcoholic because I am a defective person. Not so, according to a book that was recommended by a friend.
Seven Weeks to Sobriety is a book that explains the PHYSICAL part of addiction. I have just started reading it, but already I feel like I will be able to beat this disease. I know I will need counseling as well, but at least I can do something about the physical discomfort of withdrawal and the intense craving for alcohol.
The holidays seem to make it especially hard to cope. It's a time when you should be with family and friends, and if you don't have either of those it can become extremely overwhelming.
I am sorry you are feeling so alone. It sucks! I still (by the grace of God) have my husband and kids, but no friends, and our families live 800 miles away. I am an at home Mom and the kids are out of school and totally trashing the house. All I want to do is drink so I don't have to deal with all of my responsibilities. And there are many.
Please mill, come back to this site and post, even if you don't feel like it. The members here are so understanding, helpful and kind and I am hoping, that after a time, you will realize the worth of YOU!
I have already made a friend here and she lives 700 miles away! But, we talk on the phone and try to encourage one another. You can PM me anytime you want. Although I have not started my recovery yet, I can certainly relate to the feelings of lonliness and despair. Alcohol obviously distorts our thinking and feelings!
Blessings to you and PLEASE, don't buy a gun! Many here have had the same thoughts as you and we don't want to see another life destroyed, whether it be by drugs or suicide.
You ARE an important person and your life has more meaning than you are ready to accept. Take care of yourself and please PM me if you want to talk.
Joan
I firmly believed that I was alcoholic because I am a defective person. Not so, according to a book that was recommended by a friend.
Seven Weeks to Sobriety is a book that explains the PHYSICAL part of addiction. I have just started reading it, but already I feel like I will be able to beat this disease. I know I will need counseling as well, but at least I can do something about the physical discomfort of withdrawal and the intense craving for alcohol.
The holidays seem to make it especially hard to cope. It's a time when you should be with family and friends, and if you don't have either of those it can become extremely overwhelming.
I am sorry you are feeling so alone. It sucks! I still (by the grace of God) have my husband and kids, but no friends, and our families live 800 miles away. I am an at home Mom and the kids are out of school and totally trashing the house. All I want to do is drink so I don't have to deal with all of my responsibilities. And there are many.
Please mill, come back to this site and post, even if you don't feel like it. The members here are so understanding, helpful and kind and I am hoping, that after a time, you will realize the worth of YOU!
I have already made a friend here and she lives 700 miles away! But, we talk on the phone and try to encourage one another. You can PM me anytime you want. Although I have not started my recovery yet, I can certainly relate to the feelings of lonliness and despair. Alcohol obviously distorts our thinking and feelings!
Blessings to you and PLEASE, don't buy a gun! Many here have had the same thoughts as you and we don't want to see another life destroyed, whether it be by drugs or suicide.
You ARE an important person and your life has more meaning than you are ready to accept. Take care of yourself and please PM me if you want to talk.
Joan
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
((((Mill))))
Your post makes me sad for you. And worried about you. Do you really believe that causing harm to others will make you feel better? I used to think that way, and I remained drunk and high for several years. Are the people who have hurt you addicted to alcohol or drugs? That could very well be the reason that they did such things. I hope you can find some forgiveness.
Do you go to aa meetings? Do you have a sponsor? I found a lot of support in the rooms of aa, and a lot of true friends in there, also. I have a list of people I can call in my times of need and they will be there to help any way possible. I would recommend trying a meeting, if you haven't already.
I will keep you in my prayers. There is hope of a better life. You just have to be willing to change your behaviors, as well as put down the drink.
Keep coming back and posting. We'll love you til you can love yourself.
Sherry
Your post makes me sad for you. And worried about you. Do you really believe that causing harm to others will make you feel better? I used to think that way, and I remained drunk and high for several years. Are the people who have hurt you addicted to alcohol or drugs? That could very well be the reason that they did such things. I hope you can find some forgiveness.
Do you go to aa meetings? Do you have a sponsor? I found a lot of support in the rooms of aa, and a lot of true friends in there, also. I have a list of people I can call in my times of need and they will be there to help any way possible. I would recommend trying a meeting, if you haven't already.
I will keep you in my prayers. There is hope of a better life. You just have to be willing to change your behaviors, as well as put down the drink.
Keep coming back and posting. We'll love you til you can love yourself.
Sherry
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: fumbling towards ecstasy
Posts: 2,551
Mill-- I, too, have lost everything and every one. I am alone. I, too, was standing on the ledge of no hope. It is very real and very powerful, this utter despair and defeat. Many of us DON'T make it. That's a fact. I did and I still don't know why. I did not jump off that ledge even though I wanted to so bad.
What got me sober and keeps me sober? Knowing that the pain has no end if I continue to drink and drug and that maybe, just maybe it will get better if I stop. The first 30 days were miserable. Pure hell. But you know what? Slowly, very slowly, it DID get better.
I am finding a new family in the rooms of AA. You can too. No matter where you are or who you are or what your circumstances are, there is a place for you there. These people, and the people here, are loving me until I can love myself.
You are in my heart and in my thoughts. I care. Maybe that's a start.
jojo
What got me sober and keeps me sober? Knowing that the pain has no end if I continue to drink and drug and that maybe, just maybe it will get better if I stop. The first 30 days were miserable. Pure hell. But you know what? Slowly, very slowly, it DID get better.
I am finding a new family in the rooms of AA. You can too. No matter where you are or who you are or what your circumstances are, there is a place for you there. These people, and the people here, are loving me until I can love myself.
You are in my heart and in my thoughts. I care. Maybe that's a start.
jojo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hot Springs Arkansas
Posts: 19
Dear Mill:
Anyone who can make bacon wrapped turkey with sausage stuffing sounds like a winner to me. We all get depressed over our addictions, don't feel alone. I could just kick myself sometimes for my failures. And then when I am doing good staying away from my DOC, I start telling myself I don't need to stay away from it, that it is silly to deprive myself.
Anyway, fix that delicious dinner and remember that all of us here understand your feelings. Have you visited the forum on being grateful?
Sherry Lassie
Anyone who can make bacon wrapped turkey with sausage stuffing sounds like a winner to me. We all get depressed over our addictions, don't feel alone. I could just kick myself sometimes for my failures. And then when I am doing good staying away from my DOC, I start telling myself I don't need to stay away from it, that it is silly to deprive myself.
Anyway, fix that delicious dinner and remember that all of us here understand your feelings. Have you visited the forum on being grateful?
Sherry Lassie
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Jasper, GA
Posts: 239
Sorry for sounding callous, but...
...reading all of that post all I hear is "poor me, poor me, pour me...another drink.
I know it's tough.
I drank away my family...my two boys I love very much.
I drank away a pretty good sized inheritance.
I drank away all my friends.
I drank away my career.
I was a hairs breadth from sleeping in the gutter and in abandoned cars.
I drank a half gallon of gin a day for years.
When did I drink? When I was awake.
As long as anyone is willing to make excuses rather than good decisions, they might as well keep drinking, because that is what is gonna happen anyway.
Things might improve slowly, but they do improve. Just as soon as you would rather make good decisions rather than making excuses.
BubbaBob
I know it's tough.
I drank away my family...my two boys I love very much.
I drank away a pretty good sized inheritance.
I drank away all my friends.
I drank away my career.
I was a hairs breadth from sleeping in the gutter and in abandoned cars.
I drank a half gallon of gin a day for years.
When did I drink? When I was awake.
As long as anyone is willing to make excuses rather than good decisions, they might as well keep drinking, because that is what is gonna happen anyway.
Things might improve slowly, but they do improve. Just as soon as you would rather make good decisions rather than making excuses.
BubbaBob
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
Mill,
I hope you have a good Christmas and if you hang around here for awhile, you'll find there are loads of people who give of themselves every day to help each other. That's what we do here. Look around and you'll be inspired!
Love, Anna
I hope you have a good Christmas and if you hang around here for awhile, you'll find there are loads of people who give of themselves every day to help each other. That's what we do here. Look around and you'll be inspired!
Love, Anna
new life
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: cypress tx
Posts: 247
Hello Mill, your quote "I had to force myself to drink many times, I was violently ill and my body was telling me to stop."I pray that your listening to your body at this point! I view sobriety as a full scale commitment, because I actually developed a "painful grudge" in trying to judge myself and others during many years of drinking!
I can promise you mill it does get better and you are very important!
TC mikee
I can promise you mill it does get better and you are very important!
TC mikee
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Thanks Bubbabob.
I don't like the gun under the tree thing.
There are lots of us here who have felt very depressed, and many struggled against it and suicidal thoughts and impulses.
And we have lost people.
If you are serious mill, call a crisis center right now, get help.
I don't like the gun under the tree thing.
There are lots of us here who have felt very depressed, and many struggled against it and suicidal thoughts and impulses.
And we have lost people.
If you are serious mill, call a crisis center right now, get help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Burlington, VT
Posts: 25
Crisis center? Why? So people can quote famous shrinks, or the bible, and try to impress upon me the value of my life, while they do not know me, certainly do not know if the pros of me breathing air outweigh the cons of me stealing it from others? And believe me, I am an intelligent being, if I was thinking about suicide, the last thing, ever, I would do is let anyone know, legally people could mess with you, and that just isn't cool.
Every girlfriend, almost all my friends(fake, but heh can still call em that), everything good in my life that I had, was a direct result of drinking, meet people at parties, hook up downtown, hang out with people and just party. I know if I stop, I kiss all of that goodbye. The bad? Nasty hangovers, busted up a car many years ago, get in some good old bar fights, and wake up naked in weird places, but at least a few good things happen. Nothing ever happens good sober. The way people make it seem, when you stop, you get teleported to a mountain meadow where beautiful swiss girls in bikinis dance around and the world is rosy, people start liking you and respecting you, bah humbug.
I went to a therapist, and you know what? She was a complete idiot. She happened to be one of the best, but I guess I was expecting some sort of Good Will Hunting miracle, I saw through her BS so easily and called her on it.
I ask you, how does it get better, really? How do people that were too self centered to take you seriously all of a sudden start liking you? I can see if you have a family and it was hurting them, yes, but I have no family, no one close to me at all anymore, if any of you have seen the movie "Better Off Dead", that is pretty much me, without the cute french chick.
The one thing I have learned in life, is that as bad as the addiction to alcohol can be, your body has a much more pressing addiction, the need to belong, the need for human contact, the need to be loved, when you take that all away, the withdrawl symptoms truly become serious, drinking is one of them, and others can lead to death. No one can live truly alone.
Anyway, done ranting, things to do, take care and happy holidays to you people.
Every girlfriend, almost all my friends(fake, but heh can still call em that), everything good in my life that I had, was a direct result of drinking, meet people at parties, hook up downtown, hang out with people and just party. I know if I stop, I kiss all of that goodbye. The bad? Nasty hangovers, busted up a car many years ago, get in some good old bar fights, and wake up naked in weird places, but at least a few good things happen. Nothing ever happens good sober. The way people make it seem, when you stop, you get teleported to a mountain meadow where beautiful swiss girls in bikinis dance around and the world is rosy, people start liking you and respecting you, bah humbug.
I went to a therapist, and you know what? She was a complete idiot. She happened to be one of the best, but I guess I was expecting some sort of Good Will Hunting miracle, I saw through her BS so easily and called her on it.
I ask you, how does it get better, really? How do people that were too self centered to take you seriously all of a sudden start liking you? I can see if you have a family and it was hurting them, yes, but I have no family, no one close to me at all anymore, if any of you have seen the movie "Better Off Dead", that is pretty much me, without the cute french chick.
The one thing I have learned in life, is that as bad as the addiction to alcohol can be, your body has a much more pressing addiction, the need to belong, the need for human contact, the need to be loved, when you take that all away, the withdrawl symptoms truly become serious, drinking is one of them, and others can lead to death. No one can live truly alone.
Anyway, done ranting, things to do, take care and happy holidays to you people.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 390
Hello, Mill -
I don't really know what to say here... I don't really have the words. You are angry, so very, very angry. That much is loud and clear. I have anger problems myself, and I have to struggle quite often to see that there is good in people and in the world - and there is. No, it isn't all roses and girls in bikinis - that just isn't reality. And reality bites much of the time. There's no way around that fact. However, you're wrong about one thing - good things DO happen sober. I've said this to you before - can you have a truly good workout drunk or hungover? No. You can't. It seems to me that you like working out.... so that's one thing that's good without the drink. Another thing - you need to get out of your own head, and fast. You are disappearing into a suicidal, angry, cynical, hateful black hole, and you don't need to do that. If you are so bent on destruction - of others and of yourself - why do you come here? There must be some bit of you that does want to be sober, that does want to live and enjoy life! I can only tell you what is working for me - getting out of my own head, because right now there isn't much good in it. You live in a beautiful part of the world - look at all those mountains nearby, look at that beautiful lake! Buy yourself some snowshoes and crampons and get out there! I have also been volunteering at a farm animal rescue... and that really helps, too. The animals have no agenda, no hate or animosity, and they need help - and you can't help them when you're drunk. These are my answers - to get out and see nature, see the world... interact with beings who are better in many ways than humans. It would be a start for you, maybe, to do these things. Or maybe it's just me.
I hope you can find at least some small shards of peace and joy. There are people who care about you, right here, even though we haven't met you.
Please take care of yourself.
--anne
I don't really know what to say here... I don't really have the words. You are angry, so very, very angry. That much is loud and clear. I have anger problems myself, and I have to struggle quite often to see that there is good in people and in the world - and there is. No, it isn't all roses and girls in bikinis - that just isn't reality. And reality bites much of the time. There's no way around that fact. However, you're wrong about one thing - good things DO happen sober. I've said this to you before - can you have a truly good workout drunk or hungover? No. You can't. It seems to me that you like working out.... so that's one thing that's good without the drink. Another thing - you need to get out of your own head, and fast. You are disappearing into a suicidal, angry, cynical, hateful black hole, and you don't need to do that. If you are so bent on destruction - of others and of yourself - why do you come here? There must be some bit of you that does want to be sober, that does want to live and enjoy life! I can only tell you what is working for me - getting out of my own head, because right now there isn't much good in it. You live in a beautiful part of the world - look at all those mountains nearby, look at that beautiful lake! Buy yourself some snowshoes and crampons and get out there! I have also been volunteering at a farm animal rescue... and that really helps, too. The animals have no agenda, no hate or animosity, and they need help - and you can't help them when you're drunk. These are my answers - to get out and see nature, see the world... interact with beings who are better in many ways than humans. It would be a start for you, maybe, to do these things. Or maybe it's just me.
I hope you can find at least some small shards of peace and joy. There are people who care about you, right here, even though we haven't met you.
Please take care of yourself.
--anne
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
Wrap your astute mind around this, alot of us have real friends, good supportive friends. Mates that treat us well and that we love. And, hey, I was up in that meadow last week, in the sierras on horseback. I'm on vacation in Argentina.
Two to three years ago I was very sick and too depressed to get out of bed or dress.
But if you are waiting for the magic fairy to come to your door and wave a magic wand at you, you will die there.
If you want help, it's there.
If you want to convince us you are miserable, angry and sometimes insulting, you have done that.
But you did come back. So something in you wants something.
Try reading around and getting to know some people.
Many of my dearest friends are right here and have been through thick and thin.
You are alone because you choose to be.
Two to three years ago I was very sick and too depressed to get out of bed or dress.
But if you are waiting for the magic fairy to come to your door and wave a magic wand at you, you will die there.
If you want help, it's there.
If you want to convince us you are miserable, angry and sometimes insulting, you have done that.
But you did come back. So something in you wants something.
Try reading around and getting to know some people.
Many of my dearest friends are right here and have been through thick and thin.
You are alone because you choose to be.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,509
No one can live truly alone. I began to find 'real' friends when I became sober. The people I knew before that were not friends. You'd be surprised what might happen in your life when you become sober. I know I was. How long have you been sober? I wonder if you're ready to find out what it is out there waiting for the 'sober' you!
Love, Anna
Love, Anna
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Burlington, VT
Posts: 25
You are alone because you choose to be.
How am I insulting though? Didn't think I insulted anyone, sure didn't mean to. Why do I post here? I honestly do not know. Perhaps reading people's posts, bitching at me and trying to inject some hope to me all helps put things in perspective?
I am truly surprised and in a way frightened though, how angry I am lately. Scared to hit the bars because of the mayhem that may erupt. Just tired of being hurt, so sick of seeing jerks being happy that I want to become that jerk. I cannot describe my anger, both at others, and at myself, I mean, literally words cannot describe it, no matter how poetic.
It is enough to drive a person insane.
Okay, that really, really was the last time, sorry.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Kingston, NY
Posts: 390
Mill... I don't have much to add to what I've already said. I've spent a little time perusing this website: http://www.thisisawar.com and it's actually helped make me feel better.
Other than that, and what I've already said? I don't have much for you. I would emphasize this, though - get out of your own head. Do something for someone else - at a nursing home, an animal shelter, a children's home - whichever of those populations you feel most comfortable with. You're right - arrogance and meanness do seem to rule in this world, but those things are wrong. I wish I could hand you grace and peace and joy... but it's not that easy. I am seeking those things myself, and the journey is a hard one. Drinking is NOT the answer, though. It most definitely is not. Please be the person you are inside - kind and thoughtful and loving. Those are the qualities that make a real person of character... which I think you are, beneath the anger.
I wish you well.
--anne
Other than that, and what I've already said? I don't have much for you. I would emphasize this, though - get out of your own head. Do something for someone else - at a nursing home, an animal shelter, a children's home - whichever of those populations you feel most comfortable with. You're right - arrogance and meanness do seem to rule in this world, but those things are wrong. I wish I could hand you grace and peace and joy... but it's not that easy. I am seeking those things myself, and the journey is a hard one. Drinking is NOT the answer, though. It most definitely is not. Please be the person you are inside - kind and thoughtful and loving. Those are the qualities that make a real person of character... which I think you are, beneath the anger.
I wish you well.
--anne
Paused
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 5,093
Nothing ever happens good sober.
I ask you, how does it get better, really? How do people that were too self centered to take you seriously all of a sudden start liking you?
I am truly surprised and in a way frightened though, how angry I am lately.
The way people make it seem, when you stop, you get teleported to a mountain meadow where beautiful swiss girls in bikinis dance around and the world is rosy, people start liking you and respecting you, bah humbug.
I don't mean to be harsh, but were dealing with reality here. Looking back I can recognize the difference in myself and my attitude. I'm achieving this through recovery. One day, maybe you will achieve the same. Why not? You deserve happiness as much as the rest.
The truth will set you free. Maybe your afraid of the truth? Perhaps that's why you refer to your therapist as an idiot? Did she not tell you what you wanted to hear? Did she point out some of your faults? The truth hurts. We all know that. When we can accept it, then make the necessary changes, that's when the miracle happens.
Best wishes to you. I truly mean that. It would be a gift to watch your grow as a person. Watch you loose your anger and find some peace within yourself. Stick around Mill and read and think about what your reading. Some of what you read may inspire you to make the needed changes. Life doesn't have to be all doom and gloom, nor is it all fun and games. Some things are out of our hands, we can't do anything about that. Most things we play a major part in. Take control and do something about your life. Not all of us are wrong, except you. Your alcoholic thinking is justifying your actions.
Alcohlics are lousy at accessing a situation and getting the facts straight. Who knows how people really view you or what their opinions of you are? That's not the real you, the sober you. Do you even know who the real you is? I know I had lost touch of myself and didn't know who I was anymore. Start fresh and let people form an opinion of the new you, the more positive you. I don't know how you could go wrong with that.
I hope you don't get angry at my post. I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just someone who's been in your shoes. I know life doesn't have to be the way your feeling it. I'm living proof of that. Take care of yourself...we understand where you're coming from.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: east coast
Posts: 2,440
(((Mill)))
You sound very lost, and angry. The people here have given you good suggestions. Try coming out of that anger. Try staying sober for 30 days. Have you gone to any aa meetings? I have met a whole bunch of new friends there, and also here at SR. There are beautiful people in recovery. When I came in no one ever said it would be easy. They didn't promise that my life would be wonderful, and I'm with LeAnne on the dancing bikini girls. What they did promise is that I coulld learn how to deal with life on life's terms. I have a new way of life. Sure, it wasn't easy. I wanted to sulk, and play the angry-you don't undrstand me-card. That will get you nowhere. Please keep reading. I will say a prayer for you. Hopefully you will give the sober you a chance. Take care and I hope you have a Merry Christmas.
Sherry
You sound very lost, and angry. The people here have given you good suggestions. Try coming out of that anger. Try staying sober for 30 days. Have you gone to any aa meetings? I have met a whole bunch of new friends there, and also here at SR. There are beautiful people in recovery. When I came in no one ever said it would be easy. They didn't promise that my life would be wonderful, and I'm with LeAnne on the dancing bikini girls. What they did promise is that I coulld learn how to deal with life on life's terms. I have a new way of life. Sure, it wasn't easy. I wanted to sulk, and play the angry-you don't undrstand me-card. That will get you nowhere. Please keep reading. I will say a prayer for you. Hopefully you will give the sober you a chance. Take care and I hope you have a Merry Christmas.
Sherry
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