Hello........another Newbie here!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 2
Hello........another Newbie here!
Hi everyone. I'm new. I am married to an alcoholic that is still actively drinking. He is a wonderful man, just drinks everynight to the point of passing out. I can tell his disease is progressing. I guess I just really need the support of others that have been in my situation or are in it now. I look forward to getting to know all of you and maybe I might help someone by accident. 
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hello Silver and welcome to SR....
Our hearts are open to you and your concerns. Read the posts and you'll see you're not alone in your journey.
See if you can find some alanon meetings in your area and get acquainted with the folks there. The education you get will serve you for the rest of your life.
Blessings, Kathy
Our hearts are open to you and your concerns. Read the posts and you'll see you're not alone in your journey.
See if you can find some alanon meetings in your area and get acquainted with the folks there. The education you get will serve you for the rest of your life.
Blessings, Kathy
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome...I am also married to a great guy who happens to take a daily vacation from life. He is kind, pays the bills, works hard, and there are people on this board who sound like they like him more than me sometimes. kidding...KIDDING!!
I have personal boundries like alot of people and he doesn't cross them. He is isn't a liar, for instance. I have also been in Alanon for some time...mostly due to my son's issues.
My advice?? Look at the man. For me...the man who passes out in front of the TV is a good guy. I find something else to do with my time.
Hugs!!
JT
I have personal boundries like alot of people and he doesn't cross them. He is isn't a liar, for instance. I have also been in Alanon for some time...mostly due to my son's issues.
My advice?? Look at the man. For me...the man who passes out in front of the TV is a good guy. I find something else to do with my time.
Hugs!!
JT
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: San Antonio, Texas
Posts: 2
Thanks yall. I can't believe how many "normal" people there are out there just like me and my husband. Sometimes I feel like I am the only person that has to deal with this on a daily basis.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: TOLEDO OHIO
Posts: 6
You Are Definately Not Alone. There Are So Many Of Us That You Would Not Believe It. My Ah Also Drinks Excessively Every Night. I Guess I Have Chosen To Stay And Enjoy The Time With Him Until He Gets To The Point Where You Cannot Have An Intellegent Conversation. He Knows And Admits He Has A Problem But Says He "enjoys" Drinking And Will Do Nothing About It.
He Doesn't See The Problems That It Causes Or The Way That It Has Taken Over His Personality. He Also Tells Me That He Will Not Drink His Entire Life...someday He Will Quit..when He Decides...i Suppose It Won't Happen Unless Something Very Serious Happens...example: Medical Problems, Dui, Car Accidents From Drinking, Etc. He Has Only Been Going At It For 27 Years Now...why Stop Now???
I Am Choosing To Stay With Him And That Is What You Have To Decide. You Have To Realize That You Cannot Change Them Or Make Them Do What You Want. Sometimes I Am Totally Into Making This Work And Other Times I Ask Myself How Much Better Off I Would Be Without Him And His Problems. For Now, I Am Here!!!!!!!!!!
He Doesn't See The Problems That It Causes Or The Way That It Has Taken Over His Personality. He Also Tells Me That He Will Not Drink His Entire Life...someday He Will Quit..when He Decides...i Suppose It Won't Happen Unless Something Very Serious Happens...example: Medical Problems, Dui, Car Accidents From Drinking, Etc. He Has Only Been Going At It For 27 Years Now...why Stop Now???
I Am Choosing To Stay With Him And That Is What You Have To Decide. You Have To Realize That You Cannot Change Them Or Make Them Do What You Want. Sometimes I Am Totally Into Making This Work And Other Times I Ask Myself How Much Better Off I Would Be Without Him And His Problems. For Now, I Am Here!!!!!!!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
silver - welcome - i too have an active ah who went from drinking on weekends (for the most part) and now that he is retired has pretty much taken it up as a daily thing (and not doing anything else) so i have definitely seen the disease progress. glad you found this site - you won't ever feel alone again!
hugs - cwohio
hugs - cwohio
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
Welcome--You are in good company--we all have very similar problems. May be some slightly different circumstances but ultimatly the same issues. My husband of 11 years
did the drink every night fall asleep by 7 or 8 thing for years. Also drank more on the weekends. After many years of this he started getting drunker sooner (surprise) and
more and more verbaly abusive. If he had stayed the sweet guy on the couch I would
probably still be fine--but now I'm here and at alanon and this is a great place. The
peaple on this sight are great and I learn something every day. Smiles--Dee
did the drink every night fall asleep by 7 or 8 thing for years. Also drank more on the weekends. After many years of this he started getting drunker sooner (surprise) and
more and more verbaly abusive. If he had stayed the sweet guy on the couch I would
probably still be fine--but now I'm here and at alanon and this is a great place. The
peaple on this sight are great and I learn something every day. Smiles--Dee
"What Now?"
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Kingport, Tennessee
Posts: 16
I'm a newbie too. I am actually separated from my ah of 17 years. I ran into this forum by accident, just looking for other people that knew what I had been through and still going through. And, I can already tell this is going to help just by reading postings.
My story. After my husband and my daughter had a confrontation while he was drunk and my daughter was shoved down, I told him to get out. Being the wife of an alcoholic for so long, I already knew not to argue with a drunk, but my daughter, being 15 was coming into her own realizing her Dad had a problem. (I had hidden this quite well from her as well as the family for a long time.) Anyway, that was the final straw. There had been previous series of "episodes" over many years with me and it now it was seeping into my child's life through her well being. Besides her, I was so depressed, all I could do was go to work (a teacher) and come home. I slept all the time and cried all the time. But, I kept pluggin along. Then, in my head, I decided to do something about it. I already hated weekends because of the hours of worrying where he was and what kind of condition he would be in when he came home, plus what kind of night we were in for whether he started crying, verbal abuse, or literally just sitting there talking to himself. My daughter and him really had no more relationship as she stayed out of the house as much as possible. We had no social life because I couldn't trust him around friends to embarrass me with his excess drinking.
Yes, he was a nice guy when he was sober, but boy oh boy, when he was drunk, he was not very nice. I just went upstairs and stayed away from him. But, what kind of life had this become for me? I was taking care of everyone, but myself, and something had to give. Well, I could ramble on and on. But, the last thing, just because we are separated, it doesn't end there. The guilt he throws at me which I am good at still soaking in, the blame of taking his daughter away from him, and never looking at himself. It's very hard and very frustrating, but through meetings of Alanon, going with my recovering alcoholic niece to AA meetings and reading a lot, I am working very, very, slowly to find myself again along with my daughter. It is very hard.
anyway, glad to be on board. Thanks for my long story. But, I write, the way I talk!
My story. After my husband and my daughter had a confrontation while he was drunk and my daughter was shoved down, I told him to get out. Being the wife of an alcoholic for so long, I already knew not to argue with a drunk, but my daughter, being 15 was coming into her own realizing her Dad had a problem. (I had hidden this quite well from her as well as the family for a long time.) Anyway, that was the final straw. There had been previous series of "episodes" over many years with me and it now it was seeping into my child's life through her well being. Besides her, I was so depressed, all I could do was go to work (a teacher) and come home. I slept all the time and cried all the time. But, I kept pluggin along. Then, in my head, I decided to do something about it. I already hated weekends because of the hours of worrying where he was and what kind of condition he would be in when he came home, plus what kind of night we were in for whether he started crying, verbal abuse, or literally just sitting there talking to himself. My daughter and him really had no more relationship as she stayed out of the house as much as possible. We had no social life because I couldn't trust him around friends to embarrass me with his excess drinking.
Yes, he was a nice guy when he was sober, but boy oh boy, when he was drunk, he was not very nice. I just went upstairs and stayed away from him. But, what kind of life had this become for me? I was taking care of everyone, but myself, and something had to give. Well, I could ramble on and on. But, the last thing, just because we are separated, it doesn't end there. The guilt he throws at me which I am good at still soaking in, the blame of taking his daughter away from him, and never looking at himself. It's very hard and very frustrating, but through meetings of Alanon, going with my recovering alcoholic niece to AA meetings and reading a lot, I am working very, very, slowly to find myself again along with my daughter. It is very hard.
anyway, glad to be on board. Thanks for my long story. But, I write, the way I talk!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Silver and Sam
Just wanted to say welcome to SR. You've found a great place here.
I have recently split up with my ex alcoholic boyfriend. It is a very tough road at the moment, but I'm hugely grateful for the support I get from the good people here and my al-anon buddies.
I hope you will join us all here on our journey.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Just wanted to say welcome to SR. You've found a great place here.
I have recently split up with my ex alcoholic boyfriend. It is a very tough road at the moment, but I'm hugely grateful for the support I get from the good people here and my al-anon buddies.
I hope you will join us all here on our journey.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Raleigh, NC
Posts: 3
Welcome to SR! I too am new here, but the few weeks I've been here have really helped me a lot. I never really took notice at how much my brother was bringing me down until last week. I always thought I had plenty of emotion, strength, will power, etc., so I could spare some for my brother.
After realizing my tank was on empty, I stumbled across this forum. Read the Forum Power Posts Thread at the top. There's a lot of good information there.
After realizing my tank was on empty, I stumbled across this forum. Read the Forum Power Posts Thread at the top. There's a lot of good information there.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Carrollton TX
Posts: 466
Hi Silver! You're home! We can all relate to what you say. I'm married to an AH and have 2 small children. Mine is a functioning alcoholic - I think they are the trickiest becuase it's harder to say "look, see...here's proof". Now, i've learned that I don't need "proof" - the proof is that for a long time I was sick and tired all the time. Good news is - now I'm not! Now I see hope for ME, peace for ME and my children... you will too! I would absolutely recommend reading the "Codependent No More" book by Melody Beattie. It changed my life, and I'm sure others would agree. Keep coming back and reading - this place is beautiful!! Good for the soul!
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
Welcome--I've only been here a few weeks and I can tell you I learn something new
and recieve lots of love and support every day. Your story is a lot like mine. I have an adult son but, the rest is very familiar. I used to spend a lot of time in my sewing room
on my computor--reading or sewing. After my AH fell asleep on the coach I would
venture into the rest of the house. First I moved into the guest room and then
into the the very old very trashy (mother in law place) trailer on our property. I cleaned painted made some window treatments and snugged in. Even though it was
old and ugly I felt better than I had in years. It's my space and I'm safe. It still
hurts every day--I just keep remembering what was and what we could have if
there was no alcohol. Sometimes I just want to run back and feel loved and safe--
then I remember with an AH there is no love and there is no safety. So I come to
this sight and I read and write and sometimes I'm surprised at the thoughts that
come out that I have never really looked at. There is so much knowledge and
support here I hope you keep coming back. We all have so much in common and so
much to share. Smiles--Dee
and recieve lots of love and support every day. Your story is a lot like mine. I have an adult son but, the rest is very familiar. I used to spend a lot of time in my sewing room
on my computor--reading or sewing. After my AH fell asleep on the coach I would
venture into the rest of the house. First I moved into the guest room and then
into the the very old very trashy (mother in law place) trailer on our property. I cleaned painted made some window treatments and snugged in. Even though it was
old and ugly I felt better than I had in years. It's my space and I'm safe. It still
hurts every day--I just keep remembering what was and what we could have if
there was no alcohol. Sometimes I just want to run back and feel loved and safe--
then I remember with an AH there is no love and there is no safety. So I come to
this sight and I read and write and sometimes I'm surprised at the thoughts that
come out that I have never really looked at. There is so much knowledge and
support here I hope you keep coming back. We all have so much in common and so
much to share. Smiles--Dee
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Originally Posted by JT
My advice?? Look at the man.
Welcome Silver - We are here for you. I would have never made it this far without the help of these wonderful people. Keep reading and posting!!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
