JessicaNAJ

After a good week, except for Monday....my AH didn't show up this morning to get the kids. But that was okay because I had my backup plan....lol

I'm still pissed though. I'm not sure if I should tell him I don't appreciate it (it's not going to make a difference/but it would make me feel better for a minute) or if I should just tell him he's got to come up with $25 to pay the sitter for today.

BTW - he just bought a truck. Took another loan out for the money (but he don't have to pay on the loan yet because he's layed off for the winter-MUST BE NICE!!). I think I need to go after him for child support/maybe I should wait until he's working, I might get more...lol He can spend his money on material crap for him and get the kids whatever they want when they're with him, but can only give me money for the groceries when I ask for it??

JT

((((Jessica))))

There seems to be theme around here today...or maybe it is just what my HP wants me to see today.

When you are thinking about acting don't do it TO him. Do it FOR you. Whatever you do is not going to change the outcome so act in your own best interest.

But my two cents? They are his children...he is morally obligated to provide for them. My own son is a dead-beat dad and I could wring his neck!

Hugs,
JT

gelfling

Morning Jess,

My AH paid child support from the moment they split. Her attorney was on him like a fly on a t***. And if for any reason he was laid off, (was disabled), he had to make that up too.

Time for him to cough up the bucks to help you support the kids. If he can afford a new truck, heck, he needs to be supporting your little ones.

Kathy

Petunia

Jess,

God bless for you the patience you find to deal with your situation. I recall an earlier post where you told you H that if he was late again it was his responsibility to pay the sitter. Do you have to pay the sitter when you drop the kids off? If so, would it be possible to have your H pre-pay for one anticipated "late" morning? Then when that is gone he can pre-pay the sitter in advance. Keeps the money in your pocket where it belongs.

I hope you get some rest to day. I'm sending powerful ju-ju your way for a good ay.

Peace,
Petunia

JessicaNAJ

My sitter is awesome - When I talked to her last week she said If I needed her to just drop them off and I could pay her when I got the money. I did not tell my AH about the money part. So as far as he's concerned, he has to come up with the money to pay her.

Not only did he just get a new truck, but about a month or so ago, he got another car. The one he was driving was not very reliable and didn't have heat. So that's THREE vehicles now that he owns that has leins against them. Again, HIS RESPONSIBILITY!!!

Live

I am not surprised either.

Please do think about getting legal arrangements for financial support. Your kids deserve it and so do you.

JessicaNAJ

It's 2:00 and he still has not called to say he's going to get the kids from the sitters. I keep going to the phone to call him. But then I ask myself, "What is that going to accomplish?" I know it will just **** me off or frustrate me more. SO - I'm going to let whatever happen, happen. Without any control from me.

Petunia

Jess,

Excellent example of self-control!!!! Keep it up darling. Your smart to know what buttons exist and ever smarter not to let them get pushed today. HURRAH FOR JESS!

P.S. Maybe the next time you roll by the phone you could ring up an attorney who handles parental support issues? Not that would accomplish a great deal

Hugs - Petunia

JessicaNAJ

Thanks for the Cheer. I need the encouragement....lol

JessicaNAJ

6:30 - still no word from him. It's getting harder to not call him. My curiosity it getting to me. I know my instincts are right. He was at the bar last night and that's why he didn't show up. Today he went back to the bar but made sure he left before I got off work b/c he knows I would drive past and he didn't want me to see his car.

Okay - that's just a guess, but I did pass him around 4:30. If he wasn't drinking, I know for a fact he would have called me by now. Just a friendly reminder to myself that no matter how nice he is to me and no matter how much he does to help me out, he still a weak piece of @#$! (Sorry, I'm a little ticked off!) I know, deep down, that he will never change.

I have to make a decision and quit torturing myself. I need to move on whether that is with him or without him.

Live

Which one of us wouldn't be mad???
But I hope you don't call him. I know how tempting it is, I did it far too many times.
But why don't you show you ARE fine with or without him by not calling.?

Tell us how mad you are instead.

JessicaNAJ

You asked for it...lol


He just called me. Oh boy : ) (not)

Anyway, I kept it short.

I didn't ask why he didn't show up - I don't want to hear his lame excuses.
I didn't ask why he didn't call me earlier - I don't want to hear his lame excuses.
I didn't tell him I thought he was at the bar.
I didn't tell him I passed him on my way home from work.

I did ask him what he did all day - oops. He said absolutely nothing. He said he went to Taco Bell and was thinking about going to Meijer but didn't. OKAY - If he was doing absolutely nothing, why didn't he pick up the kids???? That is HIS responsibility as their father. Why didn't he call me to see where they were, I mean he told me he didn't get MY message until 2:00. He knew he didn't show up to get them, didn't he care where the kids were or if they were OK?

I told him he owes the sitter $25 for today. He said - right.

He asked me if he was picking them up tomorrow. I calmly told him, "I guess. If your here you are - if your not, I'm taking them to the sitters." So it's up to him. NOT me.

I know my tone here sounds a little rough, but with him I was totally calm - like nothing happened. I think he actually got a little mad at me (?) Oh well....

Thanks Petunia for the powerful ju-ju. That, along with all the other support from you guys, helped me get through may day,

Live

If that is your mad, hey you are doing great!!!!!!

You did great!!!

Applause Applause Applause

Oh, I am mean sometimes, I think it is funny he got mad at you! He didn't have the power to upset you, what's up with this?

Expect him to try harder.

Herb tea and cookies, anyone?

JessicaNAJ

I'm ready for him. He didn't have to power to upset me because HE is not in control of me....lol Pretty cool huh.

Thanks for being here today.

I'm going to bed now, without the help of xanex...lol Hopefully, tomorrow will be a little bit more smooth.

Peaches04

Yay! Jessica - you are doing fabulous! I'm proud of you!

JessicaNAJ

OKAY - I called him this morning at 7:10. The phone woke him up (of course he said he woke up just before I called). My assumption, if I hadn't called, he wouldn't have been there.

I'm thinking about telling him to be there by 7:00. I can't wait until 7:15 only for him to not show up and then I have to rush to get the kids awake and out the door. (Winter break so they want to sleep in.) At least if he's there by 7:00 or not, I'll know what's going on and I can have less stress b/c I won't be so rushed. Does that make sense?

Petunia

Jess,

Hell yes it makes sense to pad the time if you're dealing with a chronic procrastinator. It also allows you to keep your calm and not feel overly rushed. Bottom line is that you are setting the boundaries that you need for a sane day...and he does NOT have the power to @#$% it up unless you give it to him.

You are totally putting the good tools to use when you're dealing with him. And I hope that YOU are as proud of YOURSELF as I am of you. One hour at a time my darling Jess - you've made it this far!

Peace for right now -
Petunia

JessicaNAJ

Thanks Petunia - I feel really good about the way I've handled these last few days. I feel stronger every day. It's kinda weird how things are starting to snap into place. (for now anyway...lol)

Live

It's your work and you deserve your earned rewards!

cwohio

jessica - you need to do whatever willl ease the stress on YOU and you've been doing great! i think it's an excellent idea and like you said it will build in a bit of cushion time so you don't have to rush.

yea for you!