Emotional Ping Pong
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Emotional Ping Pong
I've had some serious emotional ping pong today. I'm grateful that I am alive and sane and able to feel emotions, but somedays I wish I had shock absorbers on my emotions.
My beloved AW has made no progress in the last couple months. Our relationship, and her disease, have deteriorated to the point that I really need to move out if I am to maintain my sobriety and sanity. However, my whole insides rebels at the thought of giving up on our marriage. I know, it's my codie disease kicking up.
I accepted a job out of town. To me that is both a huge growth and a huge loss. I guess I have finally broken thru the denial a bit and realized that I need to get out. However, I have come to love this crazy city, having lived here the last 25 years. I have so many friends, so many places that are special to me. It's yet another loss in a huge pile of losses that have hit me since last June.
Have tons of work to do around the house to get it sold. But I worked my program and instead of working all day long I took a break before sunset. I rolled up the garage door and who was sitting in my driveway waiting for me but all the neighborhood kids. All of them wanting to know how come I was leaving. The realtor put up a sign on our lawn the other day and the whole gang is in an uproar.
So we played dodge ball and I told them we're moving closer to the beach. Sent them all home before sunset, they all said they were going to miss me. Nothing like kids to get at your heartstrings.
Fifteen years ago when we first moved into this neighborhood there was a dark haired little urchin who would cut ruts in my lawn with her bicycle. She was part of the neighborhood gang back then. She grew tall and thin over the years. Got married, had a baby, got divorced. Got herself into college and she'd come over to get help with her homework. She got in a bind for money and I helped her get her first modeling job, she turned out to be amazingly talented. Then she fell in love with photography and I helped her get her first camera, taught her some inside tricks of the trade.
Her first time out and she came back with some _gorgeous_ pictures. She's got a darn good eye. Give her another year and she's going to be better than me.
She came by after all the kids had left. We reminisced a little about when she was an urchin, struggling to survive a toxic family up the street. She called me her mentor, said she was going to put me in her monograph when she gets famous :-)
That kind of stuff has been happening all day. My emotions drop like a rock from having to leave my marriage, my friends, my home. Then somebody in my life wanders by and makes me feel so loved and appreciated.
It's the miracle of this program, and the love of all the people in it that has brought me thru all the )(*)*& in my life these last few months. It's my own durn disease has got my emotions bouncing around like ping pong balls in a clothes dryer.
I got some very busy weeks ahead of me. Moving on to a new town, new job, new life. I expect there will be a gang of street urchins over there as well. I'll have to find me some good meetings, make some new friends. Keep in touch with the old ones. Today I just have to sit back and let the emotions do their thing. I got a feeling my HP has got some wild ride ahead of me so I need to save up my strength :-)
Who knows, some day that dark haired urchin from the toxic home up the street might get herself an Oscar and I'll be watching her on TV. That would be so cool, there's nothing in life quite as inspiring as witnesing the HP work miracles in somebody else's life.
I'm alive, I'm sober, and I'm going to be happy, joyous and free again real soon here. That's my miracle for today.
Mike :-)
My beloved AW has made no progress in the last couple months. Our relationship, and her disease, have deteriorated to the point that I really need to move out if I am to maintain my sobriety and sanity. However, my whole insides rebels at the thought of giving up on our marriage. I know, it's my codie disease kicking up.
I accepted a job out of town. To me that is both a huge growth and a huge loss. I guess I have finally broken thru the denial a bit and realized that I need to get out. However, I have come to love this crazy city, having lived here the last 25 years. I have so many friends, so many places that are special to me. It's yet another loss in a huge pile of losses that have hit me since last June.
Have tons of work to do around the house to get it sold. But I worked my program and instead of working all day long I took a break before sunset. I rolled up the garage door and who was sitting in my driveway waiting for me but all the neighborhood kids. All of them wanting to know how come I was leaving. The realtor put up a sign on our lawn the other day and the whole gang is in an uproar.
So we played dodge ball and I told them we're moving closer to the beach. Sent them all home before sunset, they all said they were going to miss me. Nothing like kids to get at your heartstrings.
Fifteen years ago when we first moved into this neighborhood there was a dark haired little urchin who would cut ruts in my lawn with her bicycle. She was part of the neighborhood gang back then. She grew tall and thin over the years. Got married, had a baby, got divorced. Got herself into college and she'd come over to get help with her homework. She got in a bind for money and I helped her get her first modeling job, she turned out to be amazingly talented. Then she fell in love with photography and I helped her get her first camera, taught her some inside tricks of the trade.
Her first time out and she came back with some _gorgeous_ pictures. She's got a darn good eye. Give her another year and she's going to be better than me.
She came by after all the kids had left. We reminisced a little about when she was an urchin, struggling to survive a toxic family up the street. She called me her mentor, said she was going to put me in her monograph when she gets famous :-)
That kind of stuff has been happening all day. My emotions drop like a rock from having to leave my marriage, my friends, my home. Then somebody in my life wanders by and makes me feel so loved and appreciated.
It's the miracle of this program, and the love of all the people in it that has brought me thru all the )(*)*& in my life these last few months. It's my own durn disease has got my emotions bouncing around like ping pong balls in a clothes dryer.
I got some very busy weeks ahead of me. Moving on to a new town, new job, new life. I expect there will be a gang of street urchins over there as well. I'll have to find me some good meetings, make some new friends. Keep in touch with the old ones. Today I just have to sit back and let the emotions do their thing. I got a feeling my HP has got some wild ride ahead of me so I need to save up my strength :-)
Who knows, some day that dark haired urchin from the toxic home up the street might get herself an Oscar and I'll be watching her on TV. That would be so cool, there's nothing in life quite as inspiring as witnesing the HP work miracles in somebody else's life.
I'm alive, I'm sober, and I'm going to be happy, joyous and free again real soon here. That's my miracle for today.
Mike :-)
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
__________________________________________________ _____________
"Then somebody in my life wanders by and makes me feel so loved and appreciated."
__________________________________________________ _____________
Hi Mike:
Sorry you've been on an emotional roller coaster ride lately. I know how that feels. I don't think anybody is comfortable with change, so you're not alone. I know you're probably worried about being all alone in a new city. But you'll have plenty of friends from day one. You'll have all of us. I pulled out the above quote because it struck me that perhaps your HP was looking after you in your time of need today and suggested that those folks might just wander on by and show you that you are loved and appreciated.
I haven't felt loved or appreciated in a long time. Maybe somebody will wander by and do the same for me soon.
"Then somebody in my life wanders by and makes me feel so loved and appreciated."
__________________________________________________ _____________
Hi Mike:
Sorry you've been on an emotional roller coaster ride lately. I know how that feels. I don't think anybody is comfortable with change, so you're not alone. I know you're probably worried about being all alone in a new city. But you'll have plenty of friends from day one. You'll have all of us. I pulled out the above quote because it struck me that perhaps your HP was looking after you in your time of need today and suggested that those folks might just wander on by and show you that you are loved and appreciated.
I haven't felt loved or appreciated in a long time. Maybe somebody will wander by and do the same for me soon.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Changes like you are making can be very bittersweet. Yes, you will be leaving fond memories behind, but new memories are just waiting to be made in your new job and city.
Each chapter of our life brings its own special story, special people and special memories. Let your life unfold and bring you the special gifts that are yet to come.
Hugs
Ann
Each chapter of our life brings its own special story, special people and special memories. Let your life unfold and bring you the special gifts that are yet to come.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hi there Former :-)
thank you for your kind words. The last six months have been nothing but major changes in my life. My coping skills just go overwhelmed. I don't think there's anything left to change so it's all growth and recovery from now on ;-)
I'm hanging on to you guys. This forum has been a major part of my recovery. I'm already checking out where the public libraries are so I can check in here until I get a regular place to live.
Definetly. Sometimes there's just too many coincidences and you _know_ that some power greater than yourself is stirring the pot in your favor. How many times can a guy win the lottery before you admit that it's been rigged? I've been winning the recovery lottery over and over my whole life. My HP has never forgotten me, it's _me_ that keeps forgetting my HP.
I've had stretches like that. I've found that the best place to get some unconditional love and appreciation is a meeting of Al-Anon. Do you have any meetings you to regularly? How about a sponsor?
<== us folk at SR, wandering by and giving you some love and appreciation
Mike :-)
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat
... I don't think anybody is comfortable with change, so you're not alone.
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat
... But you'll have plenty of friends from day one. You'll have all of us.
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat
... perhaps your HP was looking after you in your time of need today
Originally Posted by FormerDoormat
...I haven't felt loved or appreciated in a long time. Maybe somebody will wander by and do the same for me soon.
<== us folk at SR, wandering by and giving you some love and appreciationMike :-)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Her first time out and she came back with some _gorgeous_ pictures. She's got a darn good eye. Give her another year and she's going to be better than me.
I've no idea what your future will hold but what you wrote tells me the world's a much better place with you in it!!
By the way - I never do the creepy stuff, but I'll be buggered if I won't say what I really see!!
Radar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 199
(((Mike ))) You're awesome... I always need to hear from you because no matter what you're going through, you're always upbeat. Me on the other hand, comes across as a complaining cow when I get down. You're so lucky that the children love you.
Karen
Karen
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hiya Mikey,
It makes me sad to hear that you're so sad. You've been such an inspiration. Kinda doesn't seem right that you're experiencing problems....yeah, yeah, I know...recovering and all that...But you're so strong and resolute.
I also experienced fear and sadness when I saw you feared for your sobriety.
This codie thing really sucks. But you're one of the people I see that God is setting out things for you to do and paths to follow. Now, to do it.
Hugs and Blessings, Kathy
It makes me sad to hear that you're so sad. You've been such an inspiration. Kinda doesn't seem right that you're experiencing problems....yeah, yeah, I know...recovering and all that...But you're so strong and resolute.
I also experienced fear and sadness when I saw you feared for your sobriety.
This codie thing really sucks. But you're one of the people I see that God is setting out things for you to do and paths to follow. Now, to do it.
Hugs and Blessings, Kathy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Hi there equus :-)
Thank you so much for that wonderful compliment. I really appreciate it :-)
Mike :-)
Originally Posted by equus
... I've no idea what your future will hold but what you wrote tells me the world's a much better place with you in it!!
Mike :-)
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
