Healing thyself...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
Healing thyself...
I'm 30 years old. Never been married. Tall, blue eyes and handsome. I have only 1 1/2 years left in chiropractic school. I just finished finals yesterday. my two week vacation began yesterday. These are all reasons to feel wonderful. But I feel sad, empty and depressed. I'm a codependent. Welcome to my life.....and thanks in advance for your love.
I’m really depressed and sad right now. I’m trapped by this suffocating feeling that I can’t move on from my past relationship. Even though she is bad for me, I just cannot shake it. I’m hardly motivated to do anything. I had to force myself to go out and buy “codependence no more” but now cannot get motivated to read it. I have a lot of feelings and emotions whirling around in my head too.
For some reason I cannot understand or make the connection that my “beautiful” ex-girlfriend who is an alcoholic(a drink at home every third evening till passing out drunk) doesn’t care about me or respect me. When we’ve had problems in the relationship and “took a break” she “moved on” while I cannot even look at another girl. NOT even NOW. It hurts my heart so much to experience how she moves on so quickly and how I’m stuck here pawning away for someone who is so bad for me. Of course I understand I’m codependent, but knowing that doesn’t make the pain stop, or any easier to bear.
I cannot stop thinking about all the fun we had and all the places we went to together. We used to eat Mexican food every Sunday. I mean this girl was my best friend. People say, well you weren’t in love. She’s sick and incapable of love. It was only lust. But it felt so real to me?? I just wish there was a therapist in my area that specializes in codependence and uses a sliding scale.
Now let’s chat about abuse. Well I abused her, and she abused me. I’ve never been with a women who physically attacked me before. She only did it towards the end and did it probably on 20 different occasions. I’m a big guy, and I never really understood it. But I will tell you IT HURTS. Not physically, but mentally. Like, “this is what we’ve come to” I admit I slapped her twice. I asked, begged and pleaded that she stop hitting me. I wear glasses, and she’d go for them every time. She knew how mad it made me. I remember one day saying to myself, this is NOT how I want to live. I don’t want to do this to this person. I love her. It hurt so badly. We were also both verbally abusive at times. I think I’m learning now why I was trying to control or abuse her. I felt that if I didn’t I’d lose the one thing I loved so much. I drove her away with my controlling abusive ways. She drove me away with lies and drinking. I ALWAYS felt like I “had to” check up on her and justified it by telling her this. “I do check up on you, it’s because you lie. I catch you in a lie about 9 times out of 10. If it were like I’m only catching you lying 1 time out of 10, then I’d say I need to quit checking up on you.” Either way it was self defeating to constantly check her phone, email, and her house. “Hmmm that magazine was over there earlier before I left. Has someone been here?” That’s how I’d think. I don’t think I tried to control her to “make her a certain way, or get off on it by any means.” I was looking for stability I believe. I realize I was wrong, but looking back now, I still feel like I’d have to do it in that situation to know what REALLY was going on.
Lying and denial:
Wow, I’m so sick of this topic I just don’t know what to say. She lied and turned so many things around on me. I can remember hearing things come out of her mouth that I SWORE she was saying about herself, except she was saying it to me?? Her life is a lie. She never deals with her problems. When I recently “got back together” with her, she totally acted like it might work out “now that I’m admitting and dealing with the issues I bring into the relationship.” However, the sad part is she has yet to take any action to fix her problems and fix the area’s she’s messed up in. I’ve come to the realization that I’m a codependent and that’s something I need to work on fixing. It makes me be a person I don’t want to be, and apparently if I don’t fix it, I’ll end up unhappy.
My freaking problem is being able to see who she really is, and who she really isn’t. She acts like her drinking really doesn’t affect our relationship. She’ll only ADMIT she has issues, but then never DOES anything to fix them. She has been at times the nicest person anyone has ever been. She has showed me love and dedication in the past. She didn’t drink when I met her. Everything was great. Maybe this is karma coming back to me and kicking me in the arse, because as messed up as we both are now, my mind keeps tricking me into believing that person I fell in love with is still there deep inside and it’s only a matter of time before she comes back.
There are so many other emotions sweeping through my mind right now. I'll let them come out as they will....thanks for healing with me. Or at least I hope I'm healing. A girl in the bar last night told me this: "She is an alcoholic? RUN. Alcoholics are selfish, she won't be able to care for you. RUN! They are selfish, RUN." It sounded good at the time and it worked, but only for a few hours. By morning, I was back "down in it" as I call it. I'm still "down in it" working on crawling up out of this hole.
Signed
Frustrated incorporated
I’m really depressed and sad right now. I’m trapped by this suffocating feeling that I can’t move on from my past relationship. Even though she is bad for me, I just cannot shake it. I’m hardly motivated to do anything. I had to force myself to go out and buy “codependence no more” but now cannot get motivated to read it. I have a lot of feelings and emotions whirling around in my head too.
For some reason I cannot understand or make the connection that my “beautiful” ex-girlfriend who is an alcoholic(a drink at home every third evening till passing out drunk) doesn’t care about me or respect me. When we’ve had problems in the relationship and “took a break” she “moved on” while I cannot even look at another girl. NOT even NOW. It hurts my heart so much to experience how she moves on so quickly and how I’m stuck here pawning away for someone who is so bad for me. Of course I understand I’m codependent, but knowing that doesn’t make the pain stop, or any easier to bear.
I cannot stop thinking about all the fun we had and all the places we went to together. We used to eat Mexican food every Sunday. I mean this girl was my best friend. People say, well you weren’t in love. She’s sick and incapable of love. It was only lust. But it felt so real to me?? I just wish there was a therapist in my area that specializes in codependence and uses a sliding scale.
Now let’s chat about abuse. Well I abused her, and she abused me. I’ve never been with a women who physically attacked me before. She only did it towards the end and did it probably on 20 different occasions. I’m a big guy, and I never really understood it. But I will tell you IT HURTS. Not physically, but mentally. Like, “this is what we’ve come to” I admit I slapped her twice. I asked, begged and pleaded that she stop hitting me. I wear glasses, and she’d go for them every time. She knew how mad it made me. I remember one day saying to myself, this is NOT how I want to live. I don’t want to do this to this person. I love her. It hurt so badly. We were also both verbally abusive at times. I think I’m learning now why I was trying to control or abuse her. I felt that if I didn’t I’d lose the one thing I loved so much. I drove her away with my controlling abusive ways. She drove me away with lies and drinking. I ALWAYS felt like I “had to” check up on her and justified it by telling her this. “I do check up on you, it’s because you lie. I catch you in a lie about 9 times out of 10. If it were like I’m only catching you lying 1 time out of 10, then I’d say I need to quit checking up on you.” Either way it was self defeating to constantly check her phone, email, and her house. “Hmmm that magazine was over there earlier before I left. Has someone been here?” That’s how I’d think. I don’t think I tried to control her to “make her a certain way, or get off on it by any means.” I was looking for stability I believe. I realize I was wrong, but looking back now, I still feel like I’d have to do it in that situation to know what REALLY was going on.
Lying and denial:
Wow, I’m so sick of this topic I just don’t know what to say. She lied and turned so many things around on me. I can remember hearing things come out of her mouth that I SWORE she was saying about herself, except she was saying it to me?? Her life is a lie. She never deals with her problems. When I recently “got back together” with her, she totally acted like it might work out “now that I’m admitting and dealing with the issues I bring into the relationship.” However, the sad part is she has yet to take any action to fix her problems and fix the area’s she’s messed up in. I’ve come to the realization that I’m a codependent and that’s something I need to work on fixing. It makes me be a person I don’t want to be, and apparently if I don’t fix it, I’ll end up unhappy.
My freaking problem is being able to see who she really is, and who she really isn’t. She acts like her drinking really doesn’t affect our relationship. She’ll only ADMIT she has issues, but then never DOES anything to fix them. She has been at times the nicest person anyone has ever been. She has showed me love and dedication in the past. She didn’t drink when I met her. Everything was great. Maybe this is karma coming back to me and kicking me in the arse, because as messed up as we both are now, my mind keeps tricking me into believing that person I fell in love with is still there deep inside and it’s only a matter of time before she comes back.
There are so many other emotions sweeping through my mind right now. I'll let them come out as they will....thanks for healing with me. Or at least I hope I'm healing. A girl in the bar last night told me this: "She is an alcoholic? RUN. Alcoholics are selfish, she won't be able to care for you. RUN! They are selfish, RUN." It sounded good at the time and it worked, but only for a few hours. By morning, I was back "down in it" as I call it. I'm still "down in it" working on crawling up out of this hole.
Signed
Frustrated incorporated
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((jsny))))))
I am so sorry for your pain. I know how much it hurts to love a person with an addiction problem. I found this homeopathic flower remendy called "rescue remendy" made by (BACH). I took it so much in the begining of my recovery journey from co-dependency that I ought to own stock in the company anyway it helped me so much. Perhaps it could help you too.
You sound like you have a lot going for you. I hope you keep on with your own plans. This experience you are having could even help you in your work. How wonderful it would be if you were able to reckonize co-dependency and treat the whole person you are working with. Who knows maybe you could even specialize in it.....I am sure you would be very busy if you did.... When life hands you lemons.......
I am so sorry for your pain. I know how much it hurts to love a person with an addiction problem. I found this homeopathic flower remendy called "rescue remendy" made by (BACH). I took it so much in the begining of my recovery journey from co-dependency that I ought to own stock in the company anyway it helped me so much. Perhaps it could help you too.
You sound like you have a lot going for you. I hope you keep on with your own plans. This experience you are having could even help you in your work. How wonderful it would be if you were able to reckonize co-dependency and treat the whole person you are working with. Who knows maybe you could even specialize in it.....I am sure you would be very busy if you did.... When life hands you lemons.......
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
did you ever find and alanon group in the kansas city area? I know of one at the Pizza Shop around 50 something and Nieman (shawnee) on Wednesday nights at I think 8:00pm. I can help you find another closer to home if that is too far. Let me know. I would call the shop to verify the time before you go though. It may be good for you. You may try to find one around the college that may have people closer to your ago. I will be happy to ask around at your request. let me know.
have you read any of the codependency books yet. you may find some comfort in those too.
I still love my AH. it is a very hard thing. We have been together 17 years, the longer you wait to get help, the harder it will be to let go. And, abuse is just like alcoholism too. it progressively gets worse.
Let me now if you would like help finding a meeting.
have you read any of the codependency books yet. you may find some comfort in those too.
I still love my AH. it is a very hard thing. We have been together 17 years, the longer you wait to get help, the harder it will be to let go. And, abuse is just like alcoholism too. it progressively gets worse.
Let me now if you would like help finding a meeting.
Radar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Colorado Springs
Posts: 199
Hi JSNY. Give it time. You're still grieving for what happiness you had and for the life you wanted. Read Co-Dependent no more... it helps so much. I just finished it last night for the 2nd time and I'm going to start on Beyond CoDependency soon. I'm still taking little baby steps, working on the 3rd step... back one step forward two steps then back again. It's hard work but I find that if I don't work the steps, read the books and read the Bible I'm miserable again. I have the Life Recovery Bible which takes you through the 12 steps in the Bible. It's wonderful and gives me a sense of peace and that I'm not alone. I'm also going to counseling every week with and without my AH. That helps too.
Breathe and be patient. You will be happy again some day.
Karen
Breathe and be patient. You will be happy again some day.
Karen
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Lost in the world
Posts: 107
I'm sorry you are having a rough time jsny. As with anything else crappy that happens in life, it takes time to heal and get over the past. I think you know that in her current state she is not good for you. You admitted the abuse that happened from both of you. That is not a good relationship to be involved in....we all know that, yet we all try to stick around and wait and wait and wait for them to get it. For that light bulb to shine in their heads and then for them to wake up & say you are right, I am an alcoholoic and I'm going to go get help.
Unfortunately, it rarely happens that way. You are obviously an intelligent man who deserves more out of life from a partner. Most of us here are the same way. We all deserve better. The problem is we don't often believe it ourselves. We want to keep hanging onto those shreds of hope that are dangled in front of our noses every so often. She is not ready for a relationship with anyone right now. She has to be happy with herself first. Until she is able to do that every relationship she has is going to be just as bad as yours was.
The best thing you can do is to go out & keep living your life for you. I know how hard it is to get out of bed some mornings but you have to keep going. You can do this, one day at a time. Each day it does get better, you will still have set backs, but all in all it does really get better. Focus on you! That is what is most important here.
Good Luck with your final stretch of school and your journey into self-happiness!
Unfortunately, it rarely happens that way. You are obviously an intelligent man who deserves more out of life from a partner. Most of us here are the same way. We all deserve better. The problem is we don't often believe it ourselves. We want to keep hanging onto those shreds of hope that are dangled in front of our noses every so often. She is not ready for a relationship with anyone right now. She has to be happy with herself first. Until she is able to do that every relationship she has is going to be just as bad as yours was.
The best thing you can do is to go out & keep living your life for you. I know how hard it is to get out of bed some mornings but you have to keep going. You can do this, one day at a time. Each day it does get better, you will still have set backs, but all in all it does really get better. Focus on you! That is what is most important here.
Good Luck with your final stretch of school and your journey into self-happiness!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Originally Posted by jsny
i'm SO not close to healing yet. i'm really depressed and hurt right now and i cannot seem to quit obsessing over my ex. this sux!
I lived my life for him. I too am 30 years old. I met him when I was 15. My Adolescence and all of my adult life was spent living for him - making him happy. I wanted to give him the life he never had. I'm just now - within the last year - learning to live my life for me. I still love him, I think I always will but his goals in life are different than mine. I cannot accept his A behavior. It has hurt me and held me back from true happiness. I'm trying to move forward and make myself healthier now.
I believe its a matter of acceptance. Accepting the A in our lifes for they are - not who we think they should be. I still get angry at him for not doing things the way I think they should be done or reacting in ways I don't think he should react. I'm a CoDe too. I want to protect him and show him there are better ways to handle a situation. BUT - none of that is up to me. (I stated in another thread that I needed a cushion b/c I have to keep kicking myself in the ***...lol)
What is different now? Although I still get angry and frustrated with his behavior, I don't let if affect my every day living. I don't direct my frustrations at him. Before, he always knew how I felt when I felt it. That never did me any good. I got a better response from the brick wall. Now, he has no idea that his actions are frustrating to me. I don't show him that side of me. I'm hoping my selfconscious will catch on and one day his actions won't frustrate me anymore - I cannot control him. (Fake it till I make it.)
Believe me when I say it does get better. You need to keep the focus on you. All of us here learn that obsessing over our A's only hurt us in the end. Live life for you. You deserve to be happy - you have a great future ahead of you. True happiness can only come from within. Recognizing your are codependant is a step in the right direction. It's hard to admit we are not perfect.
Hang in there - we are here for you.
((((jsny))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
thanks, i just need to keep motivated if only for a short time. long enough to read the books. it took enough to go out and buy them, now i'm challeneged with getting motivated enough to read them and then impliment what they say.
i bought:
addiction to love by susan peabody
codependence no more
and.....living life alone and loving it
we shall see what happens. thanks for the love and support.
i bought:
addiction to love by susan peabody
codependence no more
and.....living life alone and loving it
we shall see what happens. thanks for the love and support.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Maryland
Posts: 64
Hi jsny,
First of all here is a huge ((((HUG)))) for u. We all can relate here. I am 31 and my ABF is 35. He is at the point where he can't even hold down a job. I've watched this man deteriorate from a successul young business man to an angry hateful man that loves to yell at the television. Please check out some of these sites : gettingthemsober.com and allaboutcounseling.com. you will find help, support and comfort there.
We're here for u.
Peace,
Anguished
First of all here is a huge ((((HUG)))) for u. We all can relate here. I am 31 and my ABF is 35. He is at the point where he can't even hold down a job. I've watched this man deteriorate from a successul young business man to an angry hateful man that loves to yell at the television. Please check out some of these sites : gettingthemsober.com and allaboutcounseling.com. you will find help, support and comfort there.
We're here for u.
Peace,
Anguished
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Jsny, check out the face to face Alanon meetings in your area. This will not be a fast solution but over time you will find lasting help there. They also have the best "sliding scale" around. Keep coming back here and sharing your thoughts. We all have been there and understand and care. But it will be a tough road - it won't be easy to accept the ending of what you thought would be a wonderful relationship. I agree with the woman in the bar (the pot calling the kettle black?) RUN, but RUN and get help too or you will find another alcoholic to love. Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
thanks again everyone for your help.
should i cut all tied with her too? she called today and literally told me how terrible i was for abusing her? HER? yeah i've said some nasty things, but nothing like what she has said or done to me.
should i cut all tied with her too? she called today and literally told me how terrible i was for abusing her? HER? yeah i've said some nasty things, but nothing like what she has said or done to me.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((jsny)))))
Maybe you need to explore what is inside of you.....What is in you that helped you to choose someone who drinks? Healing is a process and it takes what it takes.....If cutting all ties with your g/f will help you to heal than do it.
It is not all about her it is about you too. Face your choices... love yourself.... be thou healed!
Maybe you need to explore what is inside of you.....What is in you that helped you to choose someone who drinks? Healing is a process and it takes what it takes.....If cutting all ties with your g/f will help you to heal than do it.
It is not all about her it is about you too. Face your choices... love yourself.... be thou healed!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ma
Posts: 145
Jsny,
Sorry but I think you have had enough hand holding. You wonder how she can move on so quickly, well by your own admission you have "abused her" as she you. You have said that
"I do check up on you, it’s because you lie. I catch you in a lie about 9 times out of 10. If it were like I’m only catching you lying 1 time out of 10, then I’d say I need to quit checking up on you"
This doesnt sound like a relationship at all. she has a "drink every third evening " Honestly to me you sound like a very controlling type of person. If you need to "check up"on her and follow her why would she want to stay.
I have read alot here and I have agreed 99% with the advice her, but this time no way... YOU HIT HER? NO EXCUSE FOR THAT NADA, NONE. In 18 years with my wife I would NEVER hit her, never mind "only twice".. She may have a problem, But man you sound like you could be part of it.
The rest of you please do not scream at me for this. I understand we dont judge but in fact we do. Perhaps, just perhaps we are not always the victims, always the hurt party. I know Im not. In dealing with my spouse I know in 18 years there have been plenty of times I have been a jerk to her. A or not, it was wrong.
Sorry but I think you have had enough hand holding. You wonder how she can move on so quickly, well by your own admission you have "abused her" as she you. You have said that
"I do check up on you, it’s because you lie. I catch you in a lie about 9 times out of 10. If it were like I’m only catching you lying 1 time out of 10, then I’d say I need to quit checking up on you"
This doesnt sound like a relationship at all. she has a "drink every third evening " Honestly to me you sound like a very controlling type of person. If you need to "check up"on her and follow her why would she want to stay.
I have read alot here and I have agreed 99% with the advice her, but this time no way... YOU HIT HER? NO EXCUSE FOR THAT NADA, NONE. In 18 years with my wife I would NEVER hit her, never mind "only twice".. She may have a problem, But man you sound like you could be part of it.
The rest of you please do not scream at me for this. I understand we dont judge but in fact we do. Perhaps, just perhaps we are not always the victims, always the hurt party. I know Im not. In dealing with my spouse I know in 18 years there have been plenty of times I have been a jerk to her. A or not, it was wrong.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
ahcb,
maybe you should read more turbo. i never said there was an excuse, in fact i feel shame for it. i feel terrible. it won't happen again.
don't judge me either, you DON'T know me. by the sound of your post, i feel sorry for whomever you're involved with. may peace be with you.....i can feel your rage and anger. good luck!
maybe you should read more turbo. i never said there was an excuse, in fact i feel shame for it. i feel terrible. it won't happen again.
don't judge me either, you DON'T know me. by the sound of your post, i feel sorry for whomever you're involved with. may peace be with you.....i can feel your rage and anger. good luck!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
well let me just say...that in my relationship with my abf, I have said and done things I would have never dreamed of doing. Our lives were filled with anxiety, chaos, anger and a myriad of emotions. Frustration being pretty high most of the time. He was extremely manipulative and abusive and it made me react in ways I would never have dreamed of before.
But sometimes we have to hear tough things to help us heal too. I would suggest being open to seeing what part you played in the relationsip as well. Try not to be defensive, open to seeing everything. But often that is hard to see at first. Especially when you are so hurt. And I think this relationship has really hurt your self esteem. You sound like I was ...a bit obsessive. I think that some people can do that to you. My BF did.
There is so much going wrong with this relationship. YOu have no trust. WAs sex too big of a part? It's easy to confuse sex and love. I did that in my relationship with my ABF. But he used sex on purpose too....he knew what he was doing to keep me "hooked". And as a codie, it's so easy to just remember the good and forget the bad until it is too late. I would definitely limit your communication with her. It's torture. It's not helping you heal. It's fruitless. There are a number of reasons for you to say no more.
Give yourself time to grieve the end of this relationship. You will pick up those books soon. And just read. Don't worry about doing any "exercises" or think too hard. Just read. Just be. Don't expect too much from yourself. But every little baby step you can make will help. Time flies so fast and before you know it.... days, weeks, months, years have passed and you have moved forward!! Slowly but surely!!
you deserve better than this relationship has to offer. so much more. Let her go. She's not ready for you right now. Give her space and time. Concentrate on you. Be happy with your life.
I'm not sure you are a controlling person. YOu are just in a very unhealthy relationship. But you need to get out of it to start healling. You need to get out of it as soon as possible. Grieve and begin to move on. Trust me, I know it's hard. Very hard. bUt you can do it.
But sometimes we have to hear tough things to help us heal too. I would suggest being open to seeing what part you played in the relationsip as well. Try not to be defensive, open to seeing everything. But often that is hard to see at first. Especially when you are so hurt. And I think this relationship has really hurt your self esteem. You sound like I was ...a bit obsessive. I think that some people can do that to you. My BF did.
There is so much going wrong with this relationship. YOu have no trust. WAs sex too big of a part? It's easy to confuse sex and love. I did that in my relationship with my ABF. But he used sex on purpose too....he knew what he was doing to keep me "hooked". And as a codie, it's so easy to just remember the good and forget the bad until it is too late. I would definitely limit your communication with her. It's torture. It's not helping you heal. It's fruitless. There are a number of reasons for you to say no more.
Give yourself time to grieve the end of this relationship. You will pick up those books soon. And just read. Don't worry about doing any "exercises" or think too hard. Just read. Just be. Don't expect too much from yourself. But every little baby step you can make will help. Time flies so fast and before you know it.... days, weeks, months, years have passed and you have moved forward!! Slowly but surely!!
you deserve better than this relationship has to offer. so much more. Let her go. She's not ready for you right now. Give her space and time. Concentrate on you. Be happy with your life.
I'm not sure you are a controlling person. YOu are just in a very unhealthy relationship. But you need to get out of it to start healling. You need to get out of it as soon as possible. Grieve and begin to move on. Trust me, I know it's hard. Very hard. bUt you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ma
Posts: 145
JSNY,
If your looking for someone with rage perhaps the mirror is where you should start. If you read all my other post I think I have a good outlook, no rage, and a sense of humor.
I merely pointed out that if you are in a relationship, and hit that woman, that is unacceptable. No man will ever hit my mom, wife and certainly not daughters. This room for the most part have a lot of great ladies here dealing with some real problems and I just found it a bit whiney on your part. You say you dont trust her, you hit her, but you love her????? PLEASE..Honestly there is no rage, at all here. Ask any of these woman if you would smack thier daughter around (only once or twice) how understanding they would be....
As far as it wont happen again (hit her) well we all have heard that one before..Sorry, honey, I didnt mean it, ill change etc...Please
you say dont judge then claim i am full of rage, ok. Feel sorry for me??thanks but no thanks...right now we are doing real well -13 months sober spouse, health and good kids.. You say peace be with you...mmmm perhaps you should offer that to anyone you may have hit lately...
Sorry, no rage but i stand by my post....You sound like a wife beater who wants forgivness so you feel better.......I think it is an insult to these woman here........I only hit her twice....GO tell her brothers or dad that.........
If your looking for someone with rage perhaps the mirror is where you should start. If you read all my other post I think I have a good outlook, no rage, and a sense of humor.
I merely pointed out that if you are in a relationship, and hit that woman, that is unacceptable. No man will ever hit my mom, wife and certainly not daughters. This room for the most part have a lot of great ladies here dealing with some real problems and I just found it a bit whiney on your part. You say you dont trust her, you hit her, but you love her????? PLEASE..Honestly there is no rage, at all here. Ask any of these woman if you would smack thier daughter around (only once or twice) how understanding they would be....
As far as it wont happen again (hit her) well we all have heard that one before..Sorry, honey, I didnt mean it, ill change etc...Please
you say dont judge then claim i am full of rage, ok. Feel sorry for me??thanks but no thanks...right now we are doing real well -13 months sober spouse, health and good kids.. You say peace be with you...mmmm perhaps you should offer that to anyone you may have hit lately...
Sorry, no rage but i stand by my post....You sound like a wife beater who wants forgivness so you feel better.......I think it is an insult to these woman here........I only hit her twice....GO tell her brothers or dad that.........
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
the thing is that you two could be toxic together. I had a friend in this situation. His wife would hit him around the head a lot. Once she hit him in the temple...hard. It hurt really bad. His response was he reached up to stop her and hit her in the head. Not realy an accident... i think he intended to hit her. Self defense? I'm not sure. THey were SOO toxic for each other. THey both drank more when together. They both were very abusive. Apart, with different people...they were not like that. Yes, let her go for her sake as well. And then you need to work on you.
There is so much to a relationship. We can't get it all in one post or even a few. The point is that you felt like you were being abusive. That is not right. That means this relationship is bad bad bad bad. LEave it, then get some answers as to why you are obsessed with her, why you don't trust her and why you want to stay in a relationship like this. It is not normal behavior to live like that.
There is so much to a relationship. We can't get it all in one post or even a few. The point is that you felt like you were being abusive. That is not right. That means this relationship is bad bad bad bad. LEave it, then get some answers as to why you are obsessed with her, why you don't trust her and why you want to stay in a relationship like this. It is not normal behavior to live like that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
ahcb
your criticism is accepted. you come across as though you're a saint and have never done anything to hurt anyone. consider some of your problems as well, consider that they hurt those around you just as badly as the hand. that said, realize i've admitted it was wrong. it was the first time it's ever happened(this relationship), EVER. outside of this relationship, i've only been in ONE fight in my life. ONE fight, with another man, period.
there are many issues at heart here, and i'm doing my best to deal with them. we've both abused each other in so many ways. i don't think it's right for anyone to hit anyone. be it a female hitting another male, a male hitting a female, or the same gender hitting each other. it's plain wrong. that's just one of the things that helped me realize the situation wasn't right.
life isn't easy that's forsure, and yes i think we all need to continue to look in the mirror to better ourselves with each passing day. we're all stupid, just in different subjects, and in my life i know i'll never know it all, but i strive to be the best i can. i apologize for the comments i made to you sir, i don't know you either, and i was out of line. also, i'm happy that you're sober and wish you the best as far as remaining sober.
i hope everyone has a safe and happy new year!
your criticism is accepted. you come across as though you're a saint and have never done anything to hurt anyone. consider some of your problems as well, consider that they hurt those around you just as badly as the hand. that said, realize i've admitted it was wrong. it was the first time it's ever happened(this relationship), EVER. outside of this relationship, i've only been in ONE fight in my life. ONE fight, with another man, period.
there are many issues at heart here, and i'm doing my best to deal with them. we've both abused each other in so many ways. i don't think it's right for anyone to hit anyone. be it a female hitting another male, a male hitting a female, or the same gender hitting each other. it's plain wrong. that's just one of the things that helped me realize the situation wasn't right.
life isn't easy that's forsure, and yes i think we all need to continue to look in the mirror to better ourselves with each passing day. we're all stupid, just in different subjects, and in my life i know i'll never know it all, but i strive to be the best i can. i apologize for the comments i made to you sir, i don't know you either, and i was out of line. also, i'm happy that you're sober and wish you the best as far as remaining sober.
i hope everyone has a safe and happy new year!
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