was it the right time?
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 487
was it the right time?
today my AH and I had a bried discussion and i told him i realize that i have no control over his drinking and realize it is a disease.
he said it was not a disease, he just likes to drink a few (like 12) beers every now and then. (every weekend)
I said it may not seem to be a sickness with him since he was raised with it as being ok, (they owned the bar)
was this the right thing for me to say to him right now?
I've only been to 2 al-anon meetings and he asked me about it. I started by telling him it is patterned after the 12 steps of AA, but I could only recall the 1st & 2nd step when I was talking about it.
anyone have any suggestions for the next time?
he said it was not a disease, he just likes to drink a few (like 12) beers every now and then. (every weekend)
I said it may not seem to be a sickness with him since he was raised with it as being ok, (they owned the bar)
was this the right thing for me to say to him right now?
I've only been to 2 al-anon meetings and he asked me about it. I started by telling him it is patterned after the 12 steps of AA, but I could only recall the 1st & 2nd step when I was talking about it.
anyone have any suggestions for the next time?
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
EA,
The one step that we have to do over and over, is accept that we have no control over...the drinking, their acceptance of their drinking as a problem, making it stop, how it started, if it continues - the list continues.
Whether you've been to 1 meeting or 100, what is important is that the drinking is a problem for you. Whether it is a problem to him is not the issue. And that is what Al-Anon will help us to learn, relearn, remember and recall - over and over again. We didn't cause it, we can't cure it, and we won't control it, no matter how hard we wish it was different - because we all have wished so VERY HARD that things would change.
The best answer I can think to offer is that his drinking is a problem for you and you are doing something for yourself. That is all he needs to know right now. If he is really interested, he can go to an Al-Anon meeting himself. But this is for you, it is EA time and you deserve to be respected, accepted and supported which is what Al-Anon offers.
I wish you luck in your journey. The first steps have been taken, momentum can help you now...
Peace,
Petunia
The one step that we have to do over and over, is accept that we have no control over...the drinking, their acceptance of their drinking as a problem, making it stop, how it started, if it continues - the list continues.
Whether you've been to 1 meeting or 100, what is important is that the drinking is a problem for you. Whether it is a problem to him is not the issue. And that is what Al-Anon will help us to learn, relearn, remember and recall - over and over again. We didn't cause it, we can't cure it, and we won't control it, no matter how hard we wish it was different - because we all have wished so VERY HARD that things would change.
The best answer I can think to offer is that his drinking is a problem for you and you are doing something for yourself. That is all he needs to know right now. If he is really interested, he can go to an Al-Anon meeting himself. But this is for you, it is EA time and you deserve to be respected, accepted and supported which is what Al-Anon offers.
I wish you luck in your journey. The first steps have been taken, momentum can help you now...
Peace,
Petunia
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Posts: n/a
That is a very hard step for me to overcome......I know in my mind that I dont have control over it, but some of the actions that I still do, is trying to control the situation...which it may take SR reading for it to dawn on me........I am becoming more aware of some of my actions and I am trying to analyze my intentions...before I act them out...
I hope that makes sense
I hope that makes sense
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Hey escape artist,
I feel clumsy any time I try something new. It takes courage to try expressing yourself. It takes practice to find ways that are comfortable for you. It also takes time to stop expecting the one we are talking to to respond the way we would like. Just keep practicing, and try not to get discouraged or beat yourself up for not doing it smoothly. The fact that you are doing it at all is growth. You are doing great. Hugs, Magic
I feel clumsy any time I try something new. It takes courage to try expressing yourself. It takes practice to find ways that are comfortable for you. It also takes time to stop expecting the one we are talking to to respond the way we would like. Just keep practicing, and try not to get discouraged or beat yourself up for not doing it smoothly. The fact that you are doing it at all is growth. You are doing great. Hugs, Magic
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
EA,
You and me both. I don't think I will have a problem if I was being respected. What people think about me is none of my business, but how they treat me is my business. And I am learning to set the bar high for how I expect to be treated - with respect, with love, and with gratitude. The same way I treat others. That is the key for me is to treat myself as well as I treat others in my life.
You are already on the road by asking questions and wondering is this is the best that you can expect. It comes together, sometimes quickly, other times in fits and stops. But oddly enough when it all starts to gel - the steps, treating yourself with "self care", setting boundaries - many of the old uncertain feelings drift away.
Take care today - be good and gentle with yourself, as you're the only person that you can count on to be kind to yourself today.
Peace,
Petunia
You and me both. I don't think I will have a problem if I was being respected. What people think about me is none of my business, but how they treat me is my business. And I am learning to set the bar high for how I expect to be treated - with respect, with love, and with gratitude. The same way I treat others. That is the key for me is to treat myself as well as I treat others in my life.
You are already on the road by asking questions and wondering is this is the best that you can expect. It comes together, sometimes quickly, other times in fits and stops. But oddly enough when it all starts to gel - the steps, treating yourself with "self care", setting boundaries - many of the old uncertain feelings drift away.
Take care today - be good and gentle with yourself, as you're the only person that you can count on to be kind to yourself today.
Peace,
Petunia
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