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Old 12-16-2004, 05:04 AM
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a patient wife
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Looking for answers

Hello,
I am glad I ran into this message board.. I actuallt typed in info for an alcohol teather and found you....
My hubby was a case + aday beer drinker.. things got very bad after 2 bankruptcy's I left... He sobered up pretty quickly.. my daughter and I came home and life was going well, no more struggling, no more massively late pmts.. and shut offs, we always had lots of food (finally)! We re fied and paid for our 1999 blazer in dec of 2003... In may he traded it off for a 2001 dodge ram and left a 12 grand bal.... thats ok we were finally doing great.. well untill Sept... he left here out on a bicycle, in a crappy mood... came back took my truck and had it totaled with in 15 mins. I didnt know he took it.... any way in the process he hit 2 moving vechiles and hit 6 parked ones and totaled 2 of them... What a mess.. my life was shattered beyond words... I am sure with out hesatition you understand.
I bailed him out on a 5 grand cash bond, right now he's sitting in jail, with work release.. he comes home Friday with a teather and under house arrest.. all he can do is work and go to aa...
(there is more to this in the inbetweens, but don't want to sit here and whine)
My life has been shattered and the trust I had is gone.. My heart hurts and I cant forgive him.... Why after being sober for 3 years would he do something so horrible??
please help me.. I love this man.. but right now I really hate what he has done, and want to knock the living.. you know what out of him.....
Hugs
Brat
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Old 12-16-2004, 06:21 AM
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.... Why after being sober for 3 years would he do something so horrible??
please help me.. I love this man.. but right now I really hate what he has done, and want to knock the living.. you know what out of him.....
Hugs
Brat
Brat:
Well, simple answer would be that he is probably alcoholic. We alcoholics can really adversely affect those around us while thinking we are only hurting ourselves. Or, we burn with a guilt for what we have done that we "THINK" only a drink or two will solve.

Hopefully some Friends and Family of Alcoholics will post shortly here and lead you into their forum so you can get some help from their perspective. If you really love him and he truly wants to stay sober this go round, I would suggest he stay active in the court ordered programs his drinking has forced him into. There was and is HOPE, even for one once as hopeless as I. Other than that, offer him a chance to come here and visit a few of us who have been pretty well were he sits right now.

((((((((((Brat, your Hubby, and Family)))))))))))
Kiss Heart of Spirit In Love & Service,
3Legs
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Old 12-16-2004, 06:25 AM
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Good luck Brat.
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Old 12-16-2004, 06:25 AM
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Red face

Hello Brat--Welcome to SR. I am an alcoholic and sadly I can say that I understand your husband's actions. I do not condone them, but I understand the insanity. I do not have any great words of advice for you--just wanted to let you know that my thoughts and prayers are going out to you. Others will be along soon.

Hugs--
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Old 12-16-2004, 06:27 AM
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Brat,
No one is immune. Like you said, Life was good he may have felt so good that he had to test himself. "Maybe just one...See, i can do it ...I'll have another".
That's my own fear. The miracle is that he didn't kill anyone or himself.

The al-anon site is linked to these pages. The support you will find here is Amazing !

I will send good thoughts to you and your family.
Cindy
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Old 12-16-2004, 07:16 AM
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Hi Brat..I don't know why he would do that. One thought I have with my AH is that he just isn't in a "comfortable" space when things are going well. it's almost like he doesn't think he deserves good things and happiness, so he subconciously sabotages them. That's probably just the psychologist in me coming out, but I honestly believe that. Either that, or that things get going so well - like gonzo said - maybe he just thought he could handle it. I'm so sorry - this is such an insdedious disease - just when things seem like they are going to be okay, WHAM! something like this happens. That's is why I think everyone keeps driving home the fact that we have to take care of ourselves, and that may mean "letting go" or leaving behind someone we love. Again, I'm so sorry sweetie - just remember that you didn't cause this, and his bad behavior is no reflection on you and be sure and talk to your daughter and make sure she understands it has nothing to do with her either. This is his mess, let him clean it up. I wouldn't even help pay for is attorney's fees, etc... maybe some time in the pokey will give him time to think about his life and how he wants it to be. And don't feel guilty or bad about hating his behavior or him right now - that is completely normal and i would too! I say this because when my AH screws up, I get so angry at him, and then I feel guilty like I should be supportive and caring during his hard time. I seem to forget it was self-induced and is ruining my life too! Hang in there honey!
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Old 12-16-2004, 03:47 PM
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a patient wife
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(((((((((hugs))))))) thank you for being so kind... sometimes I want to punch him in the mouth rather then look at him... but from what I hear thats pretty normal..... ... Peaches I think your right about cant function with out having kaus in his life..
I have been more then patient with him.. its time he put on his big boy pants and pay closer attention to reality of life... like having a wife, kid and 3 dogs (which the one I added is one of them) that act like children lol, I know its a diease.. but its a deadly one behind a wheel.. I have a list of them.. I am disabled.. anywho.. I am greatful no one was killed or hurt.. 5 weeks after he did this my daughters 14 year old friend was in a car that was hit by a drunk driver and he died... The day I needed my husband the most, was the day he went to jail, I had to bury my grandma..... all this hurt and pain wrapped up in one hellish year... lost my unlce and aunt (married) and my grandma.. ashley's friend shane, my neighbor and one of my friends.. and my DH totales out my truck and wrecks 8 cars..... oh did I mention that he didnt have a license and the insurance won't pay.... gggrrrr... I have so much to vent about... and had it all bottled up inside .....
I did not help pay any atty fees.... The truck however is in my name.. its totaled and repoed, because I refused to pay it.....
alrighty guess I better stop having cows here.. and gather my thoughts so I can pick him up and take him to his holiday inn .. lol as I call it..
I gave him plenty to think about.. I am sure thats all you can do in there.. no radio tv.. of midnight runs to rade the fridge....
thanks again for your comforting words...
hugs
Brat
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Old 12-16-2004, 04:22 PM
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(((((((((Brat)))))))))

Sure your not a relative of mine? LOL keep breathing, it helps.
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