Question: What would YOU do in my financial situation???

Old 12-13-2004, 07:18 PM
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Question: What would YOU do in my financial situation???

Here's the deal. Everything is in separate names (except my car). The house is HIS, my credit cards (debt) are MINE, and his credits cards (debt) are HIS. ON THE OTHER HAND ... his investments (come to over $500,000 easily, with about $125,000 of that being very liquid) are in HIS name. I have approximately $17,000 in mutual funds, about $100 in a checking account, and $10 in a savings account (through my credit union). Can't take the job at the gourmet shop I was offered - both knees need surgery as of 1/05 - I cannot stand for long, nor can I squat down. I went for two full-time job interviews - didn't get the jobs (probably because I've been unemployed for almost two years). Can apply for temp work but need to wait until afte the surgery in a couple weeks.

I know the law. I also know what it is like to be in an equitable property state. He doesn't owe me squat diddly - married less than three years, regardless of the fact that I took care of his house, his bills and his dog the nine months he was in Iraq. The judge don't care a bit about that ... can I "support" myself. Yeah, if my AH pays all my debts and I make about $50K a year in order to have a decent apartment in this area of the country, and try to sock away enough $$ so I can work long enough to afford to have a halfway decent burial!

I quit my job because we thought he was going to stay stateside. Two days after I quit, he ended up in a 28-day detox, then the last week in detox he got orders to ship out to Kuwait!!! Talk about a mess!

Yes, I could stand the chance of him paying all my debts off, but then I have to figure out a way from a job I get (probably pay at the most $40K) to have movers move me, put a deposit on an apartment, buy bedroom furniture (I no longer have any because I gave it away when I moved in with him), and some modest dining room furniture (gave that away too). I don't want to go back into debt if I move out because I have to buy this stuff.

I also know judges .... they can go either way and be generous or say "tough luck."

What would you do given my financial situation and having to tolerate living with a maniac who is basically drunk every waking hour?

Suggestion: Do whatever it takes to get a job in mid-February (when my knees are healed) and stuff every cent I make into short-term funds that are liquid? Sue him for part of his "fortune"? Go to a shelter? (Pets aren't allowed and I'm not letting go of my two cats.)

Like I said, I know domestic law fairly well, and the scales are tipped waaayyy in his favor because we have no joint assets, have no children, and have not been married for a long time.

So ... WHAT WOULD YOU DO????
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Old 12-13-2004, 07:29 PM
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Contact someone at Legal Aid and ask questions. You definitely qualify for free legal counsel.

You're not entitled to even half of what he's got? That's strange. You need a woman lawyer and judge. My niece had one and walked away very happy. Her ex-husband is an alcoholic.

Also to be taken into account for yourself is that fact you took care of everything of his while he was overseas. That must count for something regarding reimbursement of some sort.

Kathy
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Old 12-13-2004, 08:39 PM
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Call the Department of Rehabilitation (or whatever it's called in your state). Since you are unable to work due to a medical condition (your knees prevent you from taking a job at the coffee shop) you qualify for job search assistance. Here in California the Dept. of rehab would put you at the top of the list for a _seated_ job either within the state government, or with big corporations like the phone company.

Depending on your state, you may even qualify for retraining funds, medical reimbursement, and all sorts of other benefits. But you won't get any unless you call them up.

Go to Al-Anon meetings and find yourself a roomate. Lots of ladies out here in L.A. walking out on their "A"'s and needing a roomate. Dunno where you live, but I'd bet there's plenty potential roomies for ya.

Mike :-)
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Old 12-13-2004, 09:19 PM
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Prodigal -

What was he worth when you married him? You are certainly entitled to at least half of what has accumulated since you got married. Did he own the home before you married him? Since it is just in his name I am assuming that he owned it prior or you would have dower rights in most states. Make a list of questions and call a divorce attorney - they don't charge for the initial consultation in most cases.

You will feel soooo much better when you know how the finances would be handled. I am glad to see that you are making a plan. When the time comes it will help you to leave with a plan in place.

Hugs, Jo
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Old 12-13-2004, 09:23 PM
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Did you sign a prenuputial agreement?
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Old 12-13-2004, 09:25 PM
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I would get referrals from friends, acquaintances for a kick-butt attorney and see if they will give you a free consultation.

I had the opportunity to meet with a kick-butt $300 an hour attorney and a $150 attorney I found in the phone book. I chose the $150, and the last time I called her to ask where my divorce papers were, she said "you told me to close the case" I said WHAT????? you must have me mixed up with another client... which, she ended up saying she did get confused, after arguing with me. So, i called the $300 one and she does free consultations! geez, and, she came with two great referrals too. Why didn't I go with my gut?

Start writing down all your questions, which it sounds like you already have, and seek out a good attorney and see what your options are. You may have many more than you think!
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Old 12-14-2004, 04:24 AM
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Prodigal,

I've always found it hard to believe that you don't have any financial options, you are married.

Seek legal aid counsel.

Also some of us who have decided to fly solo have had to restock up on furniture through salvation army good will thrift shops that sort of thing.

All the psychological abuse stuff you should be writing it all down that is so important in court. You can sue for mental cruelty.

Ngaire
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Old 12-14-2004, 07:34 AM
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Thanks for the advice ... but a few things

Mentalty cruelty is not grounds for divorce in my state. In fact, there are very few grounds in this state, as well as most others, anymore due to the fact that divorces are so easy to obtain. Living apart for a period of six months or one year - cohabitating separately - is generally how a divorce is granted. Thus, both parties need the money to do that. And therein lies my predicament: getting the money to get out!

I went through a divorce before (same state) and believe me, unless I had the bucks to contest issues (and that DOES cost money - to about the tune of $175 an hour) I could easily walk away with the shirt on my back.

I appreciate your input, but the fact of the matter is I need a pretty good job before I can say "Hasta la vista, baby!"
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Old 12-14-2004, 08:49 AM
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Keep in mind that I know NOTHING about marriage/divorce, but didn't you get any kind of power of attorney while he was shipped out? Can't you get at the investments from the legal standpoint of being the wife, and dip in while still married? Can you transfer your credit card debt onto his cards to consolidate the debt?

I am thinking of you and hope you can contact some form of public aid/information!
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Old 12-14-2004, 10:15 AM
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Well anyway Prodigal you asked a question and I tried to give an answer to the best of my ability.

To me having 17,000$ in mutual funds doesn't amount to nothing. That is something you have.

Ngaire
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Old 12-15-2004, 07:57 PM
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Prod, I still think it would be a good idea to seek out a good lawyer who will give you a free consult. Instead of worrying, and assuming the worst, they MAY have something worthwhile to tell you. Maybe you are entitled to something and part of that could pay for the lawyer, or maybe the lawyer can figure out a way for him to pay the fees, due to the abuse.
It can't hurt. Yes, it may be a shot in the dark, but you won't know if you don't try.
Maybe some of your teachers can recommend someone. Maybe an Alanon group could recommend someone.
Why would he get all the belongings in the home? That just doesn't even make sense.
Maybe someone has told you worst case scenerio under circumstances that are very different than yours?
Most of the attorney's in my area request a $2000 down payment for divorce. I know that sounds like a lot, but if you get $10,000 out of the assets, that would be worth it. Hope you can find some peace about this and can get all your questions answered soon, so you won't have to worry.
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