dutchman

Hi, I am new to dealing with being a child of two parent alcoholics, one of which i got to witness die at age 14. I am 7 months into recovery from a 16 year love affair with heroin and am not sure where to start or even if this is the right time to start with dealing with the unconscious self destructive thoughts that I now realize are very linked to my childhood.

I suppose this is an introduction and though I am in therapy, I think it might be time to deal with the messy behaviors that being a coa brings with it, aside from the heroin addiction.

I have just begun to realize that a lot of my attitudes and "automatic" behaviors are probably linked to my childhood.

I feel totally outmatched sometimes. michael

Gabe

Hey Michael, welcome to Sober Recovery.
I feel outmatched at times too.
And a lot of my attitudes and automatic behaviors are linked to the environment I grew up in.
Awareness is the first part of fixing what feels wrong in our lives.
Then we take action, to try and mend what we've become aware of.
It's a slow and gradual process.
Be easy with yourself.
Glad you dropped in, stick around.
Gabe

JT

Awareness and knowledge are both important. So is forgiveness. BUT...your sobriety comes first. The rest comes in time as you move forward in your recovery from addiction. Mine came during my recovery from codependence. My relapse could make my husband run to the bedroom. Your's could be much more serious.

Early on I realized that I was a pawn in something much bigger...the family disease...and that blew me away. Like I had never been making real choices at all...I was living a script that someone before me had started.

For me it was hard to look back and I resisted it for alot of years. The time finally came when my personal recovery was in order. My day to day dealings, my side of the street and my reacting had to be dealt with because it was way too easy for me to use new discoveries as a reason to act out.

But that is just me...I had to learn, really learn, to live in today before I could go into yesterday. And even now I do it in small steps.

I guess I am saying there is no rush. It will still be there.

Make yourself at home here!!!
Hugs,
JT

dutchman

thanks Gabe and JT for the welcome. I am trying to take slow, steady steps in the direction of dealing with being ACOA. I know that my own addiction is all mixed together with the addictions of my father and mother. Many of the things I have seen on this website describe so many of my fears and so many of the COA myths I secretly tell myself. My recovery must come first though, and I think I am taking the first small steps into that dark room where I am not sure where all the obstacles are hidden. I am determined to go there though.

thanks for the welcome.