Tired1

I have a divorce date of Sept.16, two days after our 31st wedding anniversary and 6 months 10 days from when I found out he was cheating on me. I know it's for the best, but I am pissed AH shows nothing still. Of course I fell back to my darn co-dependent ways..crying arguing....looking for some kind of response..I really need to get back to working my 12 step program and get working on step 4 to heal myself and change my reaction.

sage1969

Tired, I'm sorry this has been difficult for you. Going through the divorce process is tough.

I find this so helpful any time I fall into my codependent behaviors:

JADE: Don't
Justify
Argue
Defend
Explain

LovelyKaya33333

I am so sorry you are going through this.... I find alcoholics typically don't show emotions towards things that are painful... They try not to feel pain...hence using the alcohol... so painful conversations or "real conversations" tend to make them shy away more. That is just my experience. Sending you love. It is natural to look for a reason when a marriage is ending but from my experience ...Alcoholics change their mind anyway on the reasons. They tend to blow with the wind... one day it is cause of another woman...next day is cause you are controlling... next day they want you back... My dad gave me great advice. I have this uncle who is not only an alcoholic but he is mentally ill... not like in a mean why but he is truly disabled and was since childhood... Whenever he does something totally outlandish we always just say "oh uncle Mike"... everyone knows he is disabled and so no one has expectations that he will show up in any specific way. My dad told me to look at my exAH in that same light. That my exAH is so intoxicated most of the time he is at that level. Even in new soberity I think alcoholics are kind of like that in some ways. It helped me a lot to think of that. I am so sorry for where you are at ...

trailmix

He is incapable of what you want (or need). Your idea of getting back to your 12 steps is so wise, you'll find answers there that will help to ease your mind.

PeacefulWater12

Good idea to get back to your program.

Working it will bring you the emotional release and comfort you need. Take care.