pizza67

So…on our last legs. I’m away w the kids for a few days. He is guilt tripping me from home (despite having made it clear he hates being at the place we are at, and having embarrassed me by scowling the whole time last time we went here) by sending texts like a picture of a pathetic meal captioned “dinner, alone” and “I can’t believe you did this to me”. Can’t completely ignore him since he is doing some things at home that we need done. Am I supposed to feel guilty for “having left him alone for a week”? Kids refused to come if he came.

SparkleKitty

If you have to stay in contact can you just ignore the self-pitying nonsense and just respond to what is necessary?

Remember that he just wants a reaction from you. Don’t feed his addiction to getting you riled up. And try to enjoy your time out from under his constant attempts to control everything.

dandylion

pizza......I assume, from your post, that the boys didn't carry through with their ultimatum that if you stayed with him, they were leaving when summer came. We are now, two thirds through the summer. It seems that you were able to make your decision to stay---at least for the present. It appears that he has retained his audience for his manipulative behaviors. Why should he change----he is getting what he wants.......

trailmix

Hey Pizza, I've quoted SK and dandylion above. I wonder if you have thought about the fact that he is indeed actually "addicted" to riling you? It's the same as any other addiction, alcohol, drugs, shopping, sex, gambling. The brain gets a hit when he gets what he wants, your attention. A feel good hit.

He has replaced one addiction with another. You.

Why YOU would feel guilty for him being mean and abusive to you and making your life miserable, to make himself feel better, I have no idea.

Eauchiche

There used to be a little figurine for sale that showed a guy flushing himself down the toilet. The caption on the bottom of the figurine read," Good Bye, cruel world!!!"

I don't know if this is still available for sale. Perhaps old ones are available on Ebay.

I think it would be nice to have one, so that when your ex starts this s*&t, you can look at it and laugh.

sage1969

I have a setting on my phone that allows me to remove notification when I get text messages. It's not really blocking because I still get them, but they just sit there like email until I choose to read them.

You can choose when you scan the crap, so if there is something you need to know, like a bill needs to get paid or someone dropped something off for you, you know. Otherwise, delete it.

Enjoy your time with your children. Make good memories!

Some really good advice someone once gave me was that the best revenge is to live well and make good memories.

pizza67

pretty much what I’ve been doing. I do feel bad that we made the trip without inviting him but he doesn’t know I do. He keeps asking me how I would have felt. I just think, “never would have happened, I wouldn’t have alienated the kids like that”.

SparkleKitty

I think it's natural to havecompassion for the circumstances he has created for himself, but "guilt" is misplaced. He has made his bed, and now he's lying in it.

dandylion

Pizza.....At your last threads, you seemed to be so very stressed because you had been laboring under the ultimatum, for a while, from the boys. They had said that if you didn't leave your husband, that they were packing to leave at the beginning of summer. You were stressed because you felt that you had to pick between them or your husband---which you didn't want to leave. You had said that if the boys left that you would, in effect, feel destroyed.

Can you tell us if it is true that the boys did not carry through on their ultimatum and move out? It appears that you are in good graces with them ...that you are vacationing with them, now?
It appears, by your current posting that you did not have to make the decision that you had dreaded so much and for so long, after all...?

trailmix

Yes, what happened to the ultimatum? If they aren't going to carry though (the kids), then all is well again?

If you feel you are hurting your AH, maybe the kindest thing to do would be to leave him, maybe it's not just you getting hurt here. Alternately, you can just try to get along with him since you won't leave?

pizza67

they are pissed that I haven’t made a move yet but are expecting me to do so immediately