Best Friend Secretly Drinking after Recovery
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 1
Best Friend Secretly Drinking after Recovery
Hi All! I am new but have a lot of experience with alcohol use and abuse as my parents were both alcoholics and my ex husband is as well. My lifelong best friend of 40+ years completed rehab and then began drinking when he got out. He detoxed again and was sober but this morning I finally got confirmation that he’s drinking again but hiding it. Any advice on talking to him. I know that setbacks are a part of the recovery process. I’m just not sure how to start the conversation in a non confrontational or judgmental way. I love him dearly and have nothing but love for him. He asked me for help and I’m here for him. Thanks in advance.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,637
hi slvan and welcome, glad you found the forum.
You mentioned he asked you for help, but not since detox? His feeling about wanting help may have changed.
Do you two normally talk about his drinking in general? When did he get out of rehab?
You mentioned he asked you for help, but not since detox? His feeling about wanting help may have changed.
Do you two normally talk about his drinking in general? When did he get out of rehab?
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
If by "setbacks" you mean drinking, then no, it is not part of the recovery process.
It is part of the addiction progressing.
I am in recovery - seven years sober. Leave him to it, other than giving him rides to meetings or rehab or detox. You'll just tie yourself in knots if you think you can be any more "help" than that. He knows what to do and where to go and by asking you he is abdicating his personal responsibility.
If you even feel like you're helping by talking about it with him, I'd argue you may not be helping. I needed other alcoholics to talk to me. I don't think you can possibly understand in any real way unless you've been there - regardless of your past. AAMOF I would think your family history would completely disqualify you unless you yourself have already gone through some extensive therapy or recovery program for codependency.
It is part of the addiction progressing.
I am in recovery - seven years sober. Leave him to it, other than giving him rides to meetings or rehab or detox. You'll just tie yourself in knots if you think you can be any more "help" than that. He knows what to do and where to go and by asking you he is abdicating his personal responsibility.
If you even feel like you're helping by talking about it with him, I'd argue you may not be helping. I needed other alcoholics to talk to me. I don't think you can possibly understand in any real way unless you've been there - regardless of your past. AAMOF I would think your family history would completely disqualify you unless you yourself have already gone through some extensive therapy or recovery program for codependency.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
The best thing is to leave him to it. It is his journey to navigate. He needs to step up and do it himself and with the support of fellow drinkers. You getting involved can do more harm than good.
You can care, of course, but from afar.
You can care, of course, but from afar.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by biminiblue 
I would think your family history would completely disqualify you unless you yourself have already gone through some extensive therapy or recovery program for codependency.
I'd add that someone in an extensive therapy or recovery program for codependency would recognize the allure of wanting to help and would abstain. The struggle inherent in helping (or in being the strong one, the healthy one, the together one, the capable one) is our addiction.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
