LovelyKaya33333

**** today I am angry.... I am still No contact but I am pissed as hell!!! Thinking about all the **** that ******** put me through... How exploited I feel for being caring... I just feel sick inside. How can someone walk out on a marriage and 7 year relationship with no compassion or care for the person that they are leaving. He just basically says it is what it is... So cold...So calulated... I mean the day before we were literally looking at new apartments... It is only a week since he left... so I guess it is normal to feel this way. But good god...The pain is a lot...The anger is a lot...it just all is so much

dandylion

Kaya.....I can understand your feelings...and, they must still feel pretty intense, at this point.

LovelyKaya33333

Thank you so much for your reply. Tonight is hard. I guess I am in and out of shock. Like I can't even understand how him and my step kids could just box up all their clothes together in front of me... I have been a good step mom to them...My step daughter who is only 11 told me just last week that she felt lucky I was her step mom cause she knows I like and love her ....... I was there for my husband through his custody battle, multiple attempts at getting sober... I helped emotionally and finacially with him and his children..... and he could leave me crying with me literally beg him to stay just one more day so I could wrap my head around what the **** was going on. I felt helpless and like I wasn't even a human being to him... It literally makes me feel physically ill when I think about it.... It is hard to process to be honest ...

trailmix

That's not surprising, that it's hard to process.

So how to get from shock / terrible emotional pain to not caring or at the very least not being in emotional pain. Going through it BUT always remembering you won't always feel like you do now, there is light at the end of the tunnel! There really is. He didn't die, he just moved and theoretically you could talk to him again some time in the future (If you want to). I think this helps because A. It's true and B. You take back your power.

Walking helps, talking it out helps. For you it might be something else.

You will start to think about him less. You will make new memories. Instead of thinking - wow remember how we always went there and there, you will make new memories there and there be it a park or restaurant or store. Then when you think of it, you will think oh <friend> and I had a great lunch at that restaurant.

Anger is definitely not a bad thing right now. I would hold on to that as long as it's serving you. It helps propel you forward. When it's served it's purpose, you will be able to let it go (the anger).

PeacefulWater12

I hear you. The pain and anger is very intense. What helps me is exercise. It burns some of these intense emotions off.

Also good healthy meals taken at regular times, plenty of water, writing to express your feelings.

This is a time to ramp your self care right up.

LifeRecovery

I found anger so overwhelming. Then I realized for me it was movement and motivation and got me up and going and doing. I can get stuck in sitting and ruminating. I needed to have anger, move through it and feel it. Of course you are angry right now.

Cookie314

Being angry is a really reasonable response to the sh*t he pulled. Getting it out of your system is always a good plan. Going for a long walk or more intensive exercise, ranting on here and to your support network, finding something difficult you've been putting off that this will propel you through, all are good options.

I personally like to break my support between my mom and my sister depending on what I want at the time. My mom is calming, moderating, and gives advice. My sister does that too, but she also will listen to the slew of angry verbal diarrhea I come up with, and completely agree. Sometimes you just need someone to listen to you call someone else a piece of sh*t, and go "yeah, they're the worst piece of sh*t ever to exist!"

I don't know which you need more right now, so I'll play both sides and advise using your anger towards constructive things, while also agreeing that he is an absolutely massive piece of sh*t who has earned every scrap of your ire.